Touched By Jesus? No Thanks.

[CaeruleaTigris]

I know you probably didn't intend it, by your Touched By Jesus thing - dunno what you call them - sound really dirty. Especially when you click on it and read this: For letting Jesus touch you in places nobody else has. Dirty, Christians, dirty.

I approve

[Marko Loimaan-Aho]

Re: Touched By Jesus? No Thanks.

Was that Your Introduction?

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Touched By Jesus? No Thanks.

Get your mind out of the gutter.

[Jedediah]

Re: Touched By Jesus? No Thanks.

Really. What kind of sick pervert takes something as beautiful as being entered by Christ and filled with His love, and immediately associates it with things best not mentioned on our family friendly church forum?

This only goes to show your lack of spiritual discernment and the distance you place between yourself and your Creator. Now tell us about yourself, your sins, and your plan of action for making something worthwhile of yourself in the eyes of the LORD so that we can determine how best to minister to you and share the Good News.

[Didymus Much]

Re: Touched By Jesus? No Thanks.

I guess you missed the instructions at the top of the page:

"Tell us what church 22 year old female Australians go to when they're not 'questioning' their sexuality and what your favourite One Direction song is and how you came to find Jesus while writing awful Harry Potter fanfic."

Your prompt attention to this oversight would be appreciated.

[CaeruleaTigris]

Re: Touched By Jesus? No Thanks.

<p>

I guess you missed the instructions at the top of the page:</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>"Tell us what church 22 year old female Australians go to when they're not 'questioning' their sexuality and what your favourite One Direction song is and how you came to find Jesus while writing awful Harry Potter fanfic."</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>Your prompt attention to this oversight would be appreciated. <img title="Glare" class="inlineimg" alt="" src="images/smilies/glare.gif" border="0" smilieid="148">

</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p><p>I used to go to a non-denominational church in a small Victorian town. When I'm not still trying to classify my sexuality I'm usually at school or reading slash fiction (look it up, your Christian minds will be blown). I do listen to One Direction sometimes but I personally prefer My Chemical Romance. I did not "find" Jesus, the dude is not a lost coin. If my fanfictions are awful it's because I'm new to writing.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Happy? </p>

[Marko Loimaan-Aho]

Re: Touched By Jesus? No Thanks.

<p></p>
<p>&nbsp;</p><p></p><p>&nbsp;</p><p></p>

Sorry, this was hard to understand. Is this Austrian dialect?

[Witch Hammer]

Re: Touched By Jesus? No Thanks.

To be touched by Christ is to know Rapture & Glory, you vulgar guttersnipe. Steady is His grip...firm, sure and far reaching. Why, He could pick you up between His thumb and forefinger and flick you into hell like a booger for rejecting His heartfelt caresses...do you really want to provoke Him? Bow or be broken, mocker!

[CaeruleaTigris]

Re: Touched By Jesus? No Thanks.

To be touched by Christ is to know Rapture & Glory, you vulgar guttersnipe. Steady is His grip...firm, sure and far reaching. Why, He could pick you up between His thumb and forefinger and flick you into hell like a booger for rejecting His heartfelt caresses...do you really want to provoke Him? Bow or be broken, mocker!

"I'll bow to your king when he shows himself."
~ The House of Wolves - Bring Me The Horizon

[Freddy Osborne]

Re: Touched By Jesus? No Thanks.

"When I'm not still trying to classify my sexuality..."

Strictly based on your appearance... I'm struggling with it, too.

The Lord tells us in Deuteronomy 22:5:

"The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God."

You should immediately evaluate your netherparts, make the appropriate changes, and beg for forgiveness.

And welcome to the forum btw!

Hallelujah!

[Thomas Helwys]

Re: Touched By Jesus? No Thanks.

I maybe unsaved trash but I'm pleased when Jesus touches me and I feel his love come inside of me!

[Witch Hammer]

Re: Touched By Jesus? No Thanks.

You should immediately evaluate your netherparts

Probably easier said than done in this poor, corpulent creature's case, Brother. Maybe with a series of strategically placed mirrors and an engine hoist it could get a peek?

[Levi Jones]

Re: Touched By Jesus? No Thanks.

Dearest friend,

You either need to let Jesus touch you or burn in hell for all eternity. It's really that simple. But it's totally your choice.

Now, won't you get on your knees for Jesus and praise Him with both your mouth and soul?

Shackled by a heavy burden,
'Neath a white hot load of guilt and shame.
Then the hand of Jesus touched me,
And now I am no longer the same.

He touched me, Oh He touched me,
And oh the joy that floods my soul!
Something happened and now I know,
He touched me and made me whole.

Since I met this blessed Savior,
Since He cleansed and made me whole,
I will never cease to praise Him,
I'll shout it while eternity rolls.

He touched me, Oh He touched me,
And oh the joy that floods my soul!
Something happened and now I know
He touched me and made me whole.

[BeeReal]

Re: Touched By Jesus? No Thanks.

To be touched by Christ is to know Rapture & Glory, you vulgar guttersnipe. Steady is His grip...firm, sure and far reaching. Why, He could pick you up between His thumb and forefinger and flick you into hell like a booger for rejecting His heartfelt caresses...do you really want to provoke Him? Bow or be broken, mocker!

Really, please expound on the following:

1) Where did He discuss and articulate the concepts of being in Rapture and Glory.

2) What devine authority has HE given you to call people names?
You mock the mocker? I am not a prophet, I am not a teacher, so justify you mocking the mocker.

[Levi Jones]

Re: Touched By Jesus? No Thanks.

Really, please expound on the following:

1) Where did He discuss and articulate the concepts of being in Rapture and Glory.

In the Psalms it speaks of being in rapturous ecstasy before the Assembly of God. Before you go out to kill heathens and bind them up as prisoners.

Psalms 149:1-9 1 Praise ye the Lord. Sing unto the Lord a new song, and his praise in the congregation of saints.
2 Let Israel rejoice in him that made him: let the children of Zion be joyful in their King.
3 Let them praise his name in the dance: let them sing praises unto him with the timbrel and harp.
4 For the Lord taketh pleasure in his people: he will beautify the meek with salvation.
5 Let the saints be joyful in glory: let them sing aloud upon their beds.
6 Let the high praises of God be in their mouth, and a two-edged sword in their hand;
7 To execute vengeance upon the heathen, and punishments upon the people;
8 To bind their kings with chains, and their nobles with fetters of iron;
9 To execute upon them the judgment written: this honour have all his saints. Praise ye the Lord.

2) What devine authority has HE given you to call people names?
You mock the mocker? I am not a prophet, I am not a teacher, so justify you mocking the mocker.

Calling names? Jesus and the writers of the epistles often use strong language to convict sinners of their trespasses. Are you saying you're better than the Lord?
"DOGS" Matt. 7:6 Jesus said, "Give not that which is holy unto the dogs" (see also 2 Peter 2:20-22, Rev. 22:15)
"SWINE" Matt. 7:6 "...neither cast your pearls before swine"
"VIPERS" Matt. 3:7 "O generation of vipers..." (see also Matt. 12:34, 23:33 and Luke 3:7)
"HYPOCRITES" Matt.6:2 "...as the hypocrites in the synagogues..." (see also Matt.6:5, 16, 15:7, 16:3, 22:18, 23:13-15, 29, 24:51, Mark 7:6, Luke 11:44, 12:56)
"CHILDREN OF THE DEVIL" John 8:44 "You are of your father the devil..." (see also Acts 13:10)
"PERVERSE" Mat. 17:17"...O faithless and perverse generation" (see also Luke 9:41, Acts 20:30, Phil. 2:15, 1Tim. 6:5)
"REPROBATE" 2Cor 13:5-7 "...except ye be reprobates" (see also Rom 1:28, 2Tim. 3:8, Tit. 1:16)
"HEATHEN" Mat. 6:7 "...as the heathen do" (see also Mat.18:17, Act 4:25, 2Cor. 11:26, Gal. 1:16, 2:9, 3:8)
"FOOLS" Mat. 23:17 "...Ye fools and blind" (see also Luke 12:20, 1Cor.15:36, Mat.23:19, Luke 11:40, 24:25, Eph. 5:15)
"WICKED AND ADULTEROUS" Mat. 16:4 "A wicked and adulterous generation" (see also Mat. 12:45, 13:49, 18:32, 21:41, 25:26, Luke 19:22, 1Cor. 5:13, 2Thes. 3:2, 2Pet. 2:7, 3:17)
"O YE OF LITTLE FAITH" (Christ's favorite name for His apostles!) Mat.6:30, 8:26, 14:31, etc., etc., etc.
"STIFFNECKED AND UNCIRCUMCISED" Acts7:53 "...stiffnecked and uncircumcised in heart"
"LIARS, EVIL BEASTS, SLOW BELLIES" Titus 1:12 (see also 2Peter 2:12, Jude 10)
"ADULTERERS AND ADULTERESSES" Hebrews 13:4 "...whoremongers and adulterers God will judge" James 4:4 "Ye adulterers and adulteresses..." (see also Rom 7:3, Mat. 12:39, 16:4, Mark 8:38)
"WHITED WALL" Acts 23:3 Paul to the high priest .

Did Jesus go around saying?
"Aw, that's alright. You're a sinner. I still love you huggy bunches anyway."
No!
Jesus said:

Luke 13:5 I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish.

Did Paul say to coddle sinners who do the wrong things? Absolutely not!

Ephesians 5:11 And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove [them].

2 Timothy 4:1-2 I charge thee therefore before God, and the Lord Jesus Christ, who shall judge the quick and the dead at his appearing and his kingdom;

Paul is not making a suggestion here.

Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all long suffering and doctrine.

While we at LBC do our fair share of rebuking, I want you to look at the word "reprove". In the Greek, the word is used thusly:

a) generally with a suggestion of shame of the person convicted
b) by conviction to bring to the light, to expose
2) to find fault with, correct
a) by word
1) to reprehend severely, chide, admonish, reprove
2) to call to account, show one his fault, demand an explanation
b) by deed
1) to chasten, to punish

Jude 1:22-23 And of some have compassion, making a difference:
And others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire; hating even the garment spotted by the flesh.