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During my recent disfellowshipment from God's True Church, I was forced by secular Leviathans to attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings as a condition of my probation.
During my years as a smack shooting, Goetic wizard, my occult studies led me across the subject of Aleister Crowley, founder of a secret society called the A:.A:., which I now know to be Alcoholics Anonymous.
Like Aleister Crowley my sponsor in AA told me I could believe in anything I want, as long as I reject Jesus. Then I was instructed to flagellate myself and drink vials of human blood. Knowing that my salvation depended on my sobriety, I submitted to these horrible demands. But the principalities were not satisfied.
With my spiritual force field compromised by paganology, I was abducted by aliens, which as we know, are all demons who pretend to come from the sky. The Annunaki and the Nephilim took turns raping me and taking specimens from among the piles of dislodged flesh which sputtered from my mutilated rectum. I know this means that I am a powerful warrior in Christ, because the Devil wanted me back so badly.
But I resisted this temptation by reminding myself that, no matter how pleasurable Satan's messengers may be, Satan himself is cruel and unjust. There would be no place for a fresh faced young flower like myself among the weathered denizens of the underworld, prowling like lions for whose anal virginity they may devour. I must remember that.
I believe they intend to use my ass sauce to engineer a mutant hybrid which they can wield for political mind control purposes. Knowing that this fiend is out there means we must support Paul Ryan in 2016. Let is not falter in the ways of Christ, though the menacing phalli of Satan surround us like savages upon the frontier. Let us not allow his throbbing, serpentine, undulatory, jack-rabbit meat-tenderizers find purchase in the soft, pink flesh of our netherregions.
During my years as a smack shooting, Goetic wizard, my occult studies led me across the subject of Aleister Crowley, founder of a secret society called the A:.A:., which I now know to be Alcoholics Anonymous.
Like Aleister Crowley my sponsor in AA told me I could believe in anything I want, as long as I reject Jesus. Then I was instructed to flagellate myself and drink vials of human blood. Knowing that my salvation depended on my sobriety, I submitted to these horrible demands. But the principalities were not satisfied.
With my spiritual force field compromised by paganology, I was abducted by aliens, which as we know, are all demons who pretend to come from the sky. The Annunaki and the Nephilim took turns raping me and taking specimens from among the piles of dislodged flesh which sputtered from my mutilated rectum. I know this means that I am a powerful warrior in Christ, because the Devil wanted me back so badly.
But I resisted this temptation by reminding myself that, no matter how pleasurable Satan's messengers may be, Satan himself is cruel and unjust. There would be no place for a fresh faced young flower like myself among the weathered denizens of the underworld, prowling like lions for whose anal virginity they may devour. I must remember that.
I believe they intend to use my ass sauce to engineer a mutant hybrid which they can wield for political mind control purposes. Knowing that this fiend is out there means we must support Paul Ryan in 2016. Let is not falter in the ways of Christ, though the menacing phalli of Satan surround us like savages upon the frontier. Let us not allow his throbbing, serpentine, undulatory, jack-rabbit meat-tenderizers find purchase in the soft, pink flesh of our netherregions.
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