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Here's a depiction of our First Thanksgiving. I take it to be pre-1990, as I don't notice any of the assemblage Chatting on Cell Phones.
Will you just look at those red (COMMUNISS!) Savages sitting at the same table with Christians! And look at that one in the middle, bottom Right - is he "chowing down" on that Jennie-O Turkey or what? God, I'm glad he isn't at my Christian Manse with "table Manners" like that! He'd be all about knocking over the Giblet Gravy bowl onto my pristine White, Plastic tablecloth. (Y'all know they develop scratch marks over the years - one is in the shape of a tic-tac-toe grid - extra Family fun when mealtime is done!)
In Christian Charity, I might even invite that awful Dora Denkins over this year again, even though I Hate it when, at dinner's end, she makes a run for the door with the Christmas Eggnog, telling me she needs it for batter to bake me a "birthday Cake". Yeah, Right, Dora! My Birth-day is in April!!! Also, obviously, True Christians do not celebrate the day they were Born because Life begins at Conception; and it is Damned hard to determine what that day may have been due to the Ladylike reticence of our Mothers to discuss these unSavory things!!!
Now I'd wager (if I weren't Baptist) that this Fellow Traveller I mentioned is the heethen called "Squanto." Wow......Squanto! Sounds like a combo of Squint & Squat, wouldn't you think! I bet (or would, as previously noted) he could do a chest-dive down the entire table to get at the last of the Mrs Paul's Candied Yams!
Well, we don't wish to ruin our Baptist appetites any further with ruminating over of these unGodly scum. If it was up to me (read: If I were a Man) I would entirely "X" these God-less, little-red-book-reading freakazoids out of Thanksgiving altogether!!!
P.S. Happy Thanksgiving, my fellow Christians! Gobble Gobble Gobble!
Just DON'T get in my way going to The Mall on Black Friday tomorrow!
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