[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

Hello Jesus. It says on your reputation section "Jesus will sit at the right hand of Jesus himself come the glory". How can you sit at your own right hand? Thank.

Me! Ever heard of omnipotency, little wannabe dictator? I am often asked if I can create a pint of lager so large that I can't drink it. I can, and then I can still drink it, and do drink it time and again and all this without being hung over. That's being omnipotent for you!

I use these paradoxes to test the faith of those who try to follow me and get to Heaven. You failed btw!

Of course, you can still repent and I actually do know if you will and if I'll accept it...

[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

Dearest Lord Jesus,

I confess to You that I have sinned. I asked Santa for help but all He did was ignore me - kind of like Ezekiel does - and everyone else. (Except the horses. I always have the horses)

I hope You will be pleased with me during the upcoming year of 2017. Can you share some of what will happen in the new year?

Anyone you know getting married, maybe? Anyone moving to Iowa? Will Gwyneth Paltrow get an Academy Award in the next ten years?

What can I do to make you COME, LORD JESUS? We are all longing for our Heavenly Home. (John 14:2) (Rev. 22:12)
BrotherLarry

What'll happen next year? Mrs. Rogers in Indiana will make a wicked roast in June. Little Annie will learn to ride a bike. On September 9th the river Nile will deliver exactly 2,367,109,377.45 bucketfulls of water into the Mediterranean sea.

I know everybody, so everyone getting married next year is someone I know. For instance, Ira, Maggie and Miss Thanatopoulos will be marrying. Patsy will move to Iowa.

No. I might change my mind if she does a Left Behind flick that doesn't suck.

Be nice to Pastor Zeke. Go and measure the outflow of the Nile on 9 Sept and prove the heathens that I am real.

[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

Hi Jesus,

As you are not mentioned in the Bible before your first coming, I have to ask, do yo have any other family or relatives there in Heaven, that we did not heard of? If the answer is yes, is one of them going to come as you did?

Is going to be a third volume of the Bible, before rapture? Again, I ask because there is no indication in the Old Testament of a New Testament to come, and in the New Testament I see no indication of a Post-New Testament. I wonder, then, if another one is coming.

And in the case someone is coming, could you please tell us how to recognize Him? The instructions in Matthew 7:15-20 are clear for bright people like my brothers in this forum, but for me are rather obscure (what is going on with the fruit trees? Every other chapter we have a fruit tree as an example, and I get confused) Nevertheless, they indicate how to recognize a false prophet, but not how to know one that is for real.

Thank you very much, I love you and obey you the best I can.

Your humble servant,

Brother Gonzalez

Why do you think I wrote Luke 14:26? My stepdad was OK as a Carpenter and used to hum Sha-la-la-la every time when using the lathe but an asshole with finances. It took him less than a year to lose all the gold and myrrh and invest them on some useless Roman aqueducts in Egypt. He lost everything in the crash of 2 AD. We were in Egypt ourselves and he never learned they had the Nile! While it was necessary to be born 'naturally' it also meant that Mom had to conceive with me her son and I couldn't forgive that. James is here somewhere, though and he throws a wicked party every now and then.

Volume Three is finished and it's called the Book of Life. I know you'd like to check if your name is in it.

Just ask Pastor Zeke.

Bless me!

[Marshal Kim Jong-un]

Re: ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

Instead of spending so much of the country's money on covering up the realities of the poverty that pervades every square inch of N. Kornea except Poontang, how about spending some money on developing farm lands to give people jobs, food, and an honest economy?


You, sir, have a lot to answer for when Christ Jesus, the KING of KINGS, returns in clouds of glory to separate the wheat from the chaff, the sheep from the goats, and the chickens from the, um, well the chickens from the other chickens. Woe to you! Woe, I say, on that day.


Have a super sparkly day!
BrotherLarry

Friend, I never spend any money on covering up North Korean poverty because for it is an upset reality. We have already spend many moneys on farm and healthcare and country benefit, however, we must also spend for nuclear weapon to defend nation from U.S. Imperialism, spending all money on nice things is nice, but not if you are dead from imperialist bomb.

[Marshal Kim Jong-un]

Re: ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

Me! Ever heard of omnipotency, little wannabe dictator? I am often asked if I can create a pint of lager so large that I can't drink it. I can, and then I can still drink it, and do drink it time and again and all this without being hung over. That's being omnipotent for you!

I use these paradoxes to test the faith of those who try to follow me and get to Heaven. You failed btw!

Of course, you can still repent and I actually do know if you will and if I'll accept it...

Friend, I am not dictator, nor does I want to be. Sorry, but I can not be repent, my loyalty is to science, sorry again.