Ask Santa 2018 - Be Nice!

[Santa Claus]

Ho Ho Howdy Ho!

My vacation is over. I did have a nice time roaming some less-visited Pacific Paradise Resorts but now it's work, work, work until Christmas day to deliver y'all your wish list. You know the drill! I require no faith, that's the domain of the Jesus guy. Which doesn't mean that he refused any of the myrrh and other items that I brought him so many years ago. Works won't save you from his wrath but nice works will get you lots of plastic toys and stuff. Please try to remember that I don't deliver people nor any concepts, such as "true love" or "happiness". Of course plastic toys do bring lots of happiness, I'd be the last supernatural being to deny that.

So, make a list and I'll deliver based on your naughty-nice balance. Here's the gift item I'm gonna deliver to Donald my citrus-haired baby boy this year.



Ask me anything and I'll give you something! Ho ho ho! I am still much more popular than the Jesus guy. Ha ha ha!

[James Hutchins]

Re: Ask Santa 2018 - Be Nice!

You are the only White man I know who prides himself is being like a niggra pie thief, breaking into peoples homes to steal pie and drinking milk. Arbitrarily giving gifts to people you think are good and not to those you deem 'bad'. You have unmitigated gall to think you have the right to judge people when it is written, well before you ever flew about in your make believe sled with flying reindeer (come on, flying reindeer, just how stupid do you think we are???). Stopping at every house in a single night. Elves making presents in OEM packaging at the North Pole?
I have to spend a large part of my time between Thanksgiving and new years ripping out effigies put up to praise you, replacing them with large white crosses.
Christmas is about Jesus and the celebration of His immaculate birth. Not some obese crook spewing lies.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Ask Santa 2018 - Be Nice!

You are the only White man I know who prides himself is being like a niggra pie thief, breaking into peoples homes to steal pie and drinking milk. Arbitrarily giving gifts to people you think are good and not to those you deem 'bad'. You have unmitigated gall to think you have the right to judge people when it is written, well before you ever flew about in your make believe sled with flying reindeer (come on, flying reindeer, just how stupid do you think we are???). Stopping at every house in a single night. Elves making presents in OEM packaging at the North Pole?
I have to spend a large part of my time between Thanksgiving and new years ripping out effigies put up to praise you, replacing them with large white crosses.
Christmas is about Jesus and the celebration of His immaculate birth. Not some obese crook spewing lies.

Well said, Brother James. I've had it with elves in tights and toys in the stockings that say, "Made in China." Isn't it time to be done with an invisible being like Santa Claus? Christmas is about someone real, Jesus.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Ask Santa 2018 - Be Nice!

Santa,


I want very much to believe in you, but then I think about this:


1. No pony - every year I asked, every year you didn't deliver.
2. I said I explicitly did NOT want underwear as a gift. Every year, the same boring 3 pack of Fruit of the Loom tighty whities.
3. You let my arch rival from 3rd grade have 2 candy canes when he sat on your lap because he was "so cute." You gave me one - and it was cracked. This really lessens your credibility.
4. You don't acknowledge that without Jesus, you'd be a MUCH poorer person. We give gifts because of HIM (Praise God!) and not because of YOU. The reason you have a mansion at the North Pole is because Jesus died on Cavalry's Hill 33 years after Christmas Day.
5. I can't get over the fact that the letters in your name can be rearranged as satan.


No, I think I'll stick with Christ and the gifts He so freely gives.


BrotherLarry

[Santa Claus]

Re: Ask Santa 2018 - Be Nice!

You are the only White man I know who prides himself is being like a niggra pie thief, breaking into peoples homes to steal pie and drinking milk. Arbitrarily giving gifts to people you think are good and not to those you deem 'bad'. You have unmitigated gall to think you have the right to judge people when it is written, well before you ever flew about in your make believe sled with flying reindeer (come on, flying reindeer, just how stupid do you think we are???). Stopping at every house in a single night. Elves making presents in OEM packaging at the North Pole?
I have to spend a large part of my time between Thanksgiving and new years ripping out effigies put up to praise you, replacing them with large white crosses.
Christmas is about Jesus and the celebration of His immaculate birth. Not some obese crook spewing lies.

Jamesy my boy, ho ho ho! Do we really have to go through this every year? It's still the penis pump thing, isn't it? You'd have gotten it for your 13th Christmas if you hadn't been pulling off the wings of those pretty butterflies the previous summer. Be nice and I'll deliver as I promised. Incidentally, your wife (the one who disappeared) also asked me to get it for you for years and years and her letters were becoming more and more desperate, but you just could not give up the insect wings, could you! But I do love you as always, Jamie boy. I'll get you the tough guy Halloween costume that you've secretly craved for all these years! Come 2019, you'll have this one day to make your dreams come true!

[Santa Claus]

Re: Ask Santa 2018 - Be Nice!

Well said, Brother James. I've had it with elves in tights and toys in the stockings that say, "Made in China." Isn't it time to be done with an invisible being like Santa Claus? Christmas is about someone real, Jesus.

Johny Baby! It seems like yesteryear, when you were a tiny lass toddler sitting on my lap in the Mall and grinding your baby butt on my knees because of the worst diaper rash in Iowa history! And you still have the same exquisite and refined taste. OK: you'll get your bottle of your favorite liquor, the same as last year and the year before that etc. etc. Ho ho ho!

Santa,

I want very much to believe in you, but then I think about this:

1. No pony - every year I asked, every year you didn't deliver.
2. I said I explicitly did NOT want underwear as a gift. Every year, the same boring 3 pack of Fruit of the Loom tighty whities.
3. You let my arch rival from 3rd grade have 2 candy canes when he sat on your lap because he was "so cute." You gave me one - and it was cracked. This really lessens your credibility.
4. You don't acknowledge that without Jesus, you'd be a MUCH poorer person. We give gifts because of HIM (Praise God!) and not because of YOU. The reason you have a mansion at the North Pole is because Jesus died on Cavalry's Hill 33 years after Christmas Day.
5. I can't get over the fact that the letters in your name can be rearranged as satan.

No, I think I'll stick with Christ and the gifts He so freely gives.

BrotherLarry

You're the Horse Guy, right?

Item: You don't have to believe in me. I don't care. I am not about the protection racket that Jesus is so fond of, saving you from what he'd do to you if you don't believe him to do what he would do to you if you don't. Or something. I don't need faith.

Item: For me it is enough if you're nice and not naughty. You may disregard my existence or deny it. I don't care. I'll deliver conditionally but my conditions are much more measurable than the conditions of love of the Jesus boy. But as you like him so much I'll give to something to remind you of him. I would really really appreciate if you used it all the time except when eating or drinking.



Ho ho ho my boy! As you've been extra nice this year, I'll also give you a valuable piece of information: The National Mule Day is October 26th. Now you'll know when to celebrate it!

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Ask Santa 2018 - Be Nice!

Howdy !

My vacation is over. I did have a nice time roaming some less-visited Pacific Paradise Resorts but now it's work, work, work until Christmas day to deliver y'all your wish list. You know the drill! I require no faith, that's the domain of the blasphemy removed. Which doesn't mean that blasphemy removed ago. Works won't save you from his wrath but nice works will get you lots of plastic toys and stuff. Please try to remember that I don't deliver people nor any concepts, such as "true love" or "happiness". Of course plastic toys do bring lots of happiness, I'd be the last supernatural being to deny that.

So, make a list and I'll deliver based on your naughty-nice balance. Here's the gift item I'm gonna deliver to Donald my citrus-haired baby boy this year.

Ask me anything and I'll give you something! ! I am still blasphemy removed. Which doesn't mean that blasphemy removed guy. Ha ha ha!

Can you please watch the language. There may be posters who are struggling and don't need reminding about the world or the prince controlling it.

Ephesians 2:2 Wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience

[Santa Claus]

Re: Ask Santa 2018 - Be Nice!

Can you please watch the language. There may be posters who are struggling and don't need reminding about the world or the prince controlling it.

Ephesians 2:2 Wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience

Dear Mitza, my lass! You're worried about words upsetting people. Facts also upset people, such as the issue that I am much more popular than Jesus. Ho, ho, ho! But, seriously, Mitza-baby! You've always been nice and almost never naughty but aren't you just a teeny bitsy naughty when you chastise me? I have read the Bible and even delivered it as a Christmas present on some quite scattered occasions. I do know that Jesus Baby was often rude and called the opposition fools and blind and vipers and hypocrites. Dear Mitza-lassie-lass! Don't be naughty and use double standards. If you accept much worse language from Jesus you can humor a much older Santa and let him state some facts.
OK. You've mostly been nice. So I'll deliver you the de luxe edition of Asimov's Foundation Trilogy and only because of the slight naughtiness will you get it without the 24-carat gold engravings. Perhaps next year.

[Straight Homeosexual]

Re: Ask Santa 2018 - Be Nice!

How do I help Hesus save my Gay Homeosexual friend who refuses to repent?

[Santa Claus]

Re: Ask Santa 2018 - Be Nice!

How do I help Hesus save my Gay Homeosexual friend who refuses to repent?

...Please try to remember that I don't deliver people nor any concepts, such as "true love" or "happiness". Of course plastic toys do bring lots of happiness, I'd be the last supernatural being to deny that.

Dear toddler,

Please consult my opening post (cited above) about delivering concepts or mental states. If you wish to receive advice about your friend, I'm more than certain that this Forum will provide you with plenty of opportunities. Despite your lame attempts to troll the religious people of this site, you seem to be a nice and only slightly retarded person. So here's your gift, the same as last year and for my sake, try not to insert it the wrong way again... .

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: Ask Santa 2018 - Be Nice!

Santa,

Give me the precious gift of time. I want a repeat of 2016-2017 again. This year has turned out crap.

Anthony

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Ask Santa 2018 - Be Nice!

Christmas is a time of encouragement and I was encouraged today reading Amos. The Israelites were looking to the future and hoping for security. God reminded them that better years were ahead but it was something He. was going to do.

It was encouraging because God was right! He did. reestablish them in the land just as He said He would!

Amos 9:13-15 Behold, the days come, saith the LORD, that the plowman shall overtake the reaper, and the treader of grapes him that soweth seed; and the mountains shall drop sweet wine, and all the hills shall melt. And I will bring again the captivity of my people of Israel, and they shall build the waste cities, and inhabit them; and they shall plant vineyards, and drink the wine thereof; they shall also make gardens, and eat the fruit of them. And I will plant them upon their land, and they shall no more be pulled up out of their land which I have given them, saith the LORD thy God.

Satan wants to discourage everyone. He just wants everyone to suffer by feeling miserable or vomiting all the time or having fits and sends demons to achieve that try it on for him. Amos reminds me that I have a brand new home to look forward to, just as soon as I meet Jesus in Heaven!

Here's a couple of jolly seasonal songs about that promise expressed through the vehicle of animated pond life. I hope they encourage you, too.

[Santa Claus]

Re: Ask Santa 2018 - Be Nice!

Santa,

Give me the precious gift of time. I want a repeat of 2016-2017 again. This year has turned out crap.

Anthony

Aren't you as a claimed Jesus-follower supposed to have an infinite amount of time reserved for you? I am a connoisseur of time, as I operate within the Planck time, so YES I can do! Here's a genuine plastic replica of the Harry Potter Time Turner just for you to play with! It's made of the best plastics and painted with genuine gold replica paint!



Ho, my Tony-boy. It pays off to be nice, doesn't it?

[Santa Claus]

Re: Ask Santa 2018 - Be Nice!

Christmas is a time of encouragement and I was encouraged today reading Amos. The Israelites were looking to the future and hoping for security. God reminded them that better years were ahead but it was something He. was going to do.

It was encouraging because God was right! He did. reestablish them in the land just as He said He would!

Amos 9:13-15 Behold, the days come, saith the LORD, that the plowman shall overtake the reaper, and the treader of grapes him that soweth seed; and the mountains shall drop sweet wine, and all the hills shall melt. And I will bring again the captivity of my people of Israel, and they shall build the waste cities, and inhabit them; and they shall plant vineyards, and drink the wine thereof; they shall also make gardens, and eat the fruit of them. And I will plant them upon their land, and they shall no more be pulled up out of their land which I have given them, saith the LORD thy God.

Satan wants to discourage everyone. He just wants everyone to suffer by feeling miserable or vomiting all the time or having fits and sends demons to achieve that try it on for him. Amos reminds me that I have a brand new home to look forward to, just as soon as I meet Jesus in Heaven!

Here's a couple of jolly seasonal songs about that promise expressed through the vehicle of animated pond life. I hope they encourage you, too.

Mitza-Pumpkin! I have absolutely no idea how this fits your wish list. Perhaps you should cut down the booze, including the Claret, the Chardonnay, the Absinthe, the Trappist, the Bourbon, and even the Port. To keep you occupied for the duration of the withdrawal symptoms, I'll deliver to you some plastic toys that have the label "Amos". Sometimes I suspect that the elfs who name these things are fooling around with me, but I don't question. I deliver. You can't thank me enough! Ho!