Thank you, God, for Butterball™ Turkeys

[Johny Joe Hold]

There might have been a time when pilgrims hunted wild turkeys and thought they were a worthy product. It was before they understood God had something better for us. Today we have found the turkey God intended. The Butterball.

God knew we like tender turkey breast meat better than the tough wings and thighs. So He designed he Butterball™ turkey with a breast so large it can barely stand. It walks bent forward because of the huge portion of breast meat.

Then, He provided turkey farmers to grow Butterballs for our Christmas dinner.

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[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Thank you, God, for Butterball™ Turkeys

Thank you Mayor for reminding us that in this season, Thankgiving and Christmas, it is the time to thank the Lord for the bounty he has given us - and that's Butterball turkeys and Donald Trump for MAGA.

Now I've from time to time overheard women complaining about being asked "are those real", but their job is to remain in the kitchen tending and basting those Butterballs to a golden brown for the family table - and yes, those Butterballs are real. It turns out that researchers have established that America is blessed with the largest breasts on earth.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Thank you, God, for Butterball™ Turkeys

Breasts may do it for some, but give me a thick piece of dark meat and I will be occupied for hours. My assistant priest back when I was a boy at Our Lady of the Beaver Dam introduced me to dark meat; Father Tyrone Washington was his name. Pretty sure he served us altar boys Butterballs.

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: Thank you, God, for Butterball™ Turkeys

Praise God! Can you believe that the heathen deist pervert Ben Franklin wanted to make turkeys our national bird? What could possibly be a less apt symbol of the noble Real American like me than some fat, stupid bird waddling around being obnoxious?

Thank Jesus for delicious butterball turkeys and thank Jesus the real Founding Fathers went with the bald eagle!

[Isabella White]

Re: Thank you, God, for Butterball™ Turkeys

Praise God! Can you believe that the heathen deist pervert Ben Franklin wanted to make turkeys our national bird? What could possibly be a less apt symbol of the noble Real American like me than some fat, stupid bird waddling around being obnoxious?

Oh, my, can you imagine if Ben Franklin had had his way here, dear Brother Lukes? I mean, we would have ended up being mocked by nations around the world!

A blessed day to you, dear Brother,
Sincerely, Isabella W.

[Isabella White]

Re: Thank you, God, for Butterball™ Turkeys

And, as if the war on Christmas (and all things related to it, such as Butterball turkeys) is not bad enough, now it's apparent that those LIE-beral Demonrat supporters are trying to take away our beloved Thanksgiving traditions. Several of my favorite reporters on Fox News have reported this, so they must have their evidence based on facts somewhere. Here is a clip that shows this. Why can't those whiny snowflake Obummer people just leave well enough alone?

A blessed day to all,
Sincerely, Isabella W.