[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2021



So it has come to this? I AM now supposed to post my own Birthday wishes? Dafuk? This will lead to some global warming and overpopulation of Hell, capische?!

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2021

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS!!!!!!!!

(First!)

[handmaiden]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2021

Oh, Jesus! Have some cake.

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2021

Look, Son (of God), December 25 is not even your birthday.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/...-surprise-you/

Dec. 25 is not the date mentioned in the Bible as the day of Jesus’s birth; the Bible is actually silent on the day or the time of year when Mary was said to have given birth to him in Bethlehem. The earliest Christians did not celebrate his birth. By most accounts, the birth was first thought — in around 200 A.D. — to have taken place on Jan. 6.

One of the prevalent theories on why Christmas is celebrated on Dec. 25 was spelled out in “The Golden Bough,” a highly influential 19th-century comparative study of religion and mythology written by the anthropologist James George Frazer and originally published in 1890. (The first edition was titled “The Golden Bough: A Study in Comparative Religion”; the second edition was called “The Golden Bough: A Study in Magic and Religion.” By the third printing, in the early 20th century, it was published in 12 volumes, though there are abridged one-volume versions.)

But let's not let 12 volumes of theological scholarship get in the way of a good time. Happy birthday!

So what have you got planned for the day? Busy delivering gifts, I imagine.

[Prayer Warrior]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2021

So it has come to this? I AM now supposed to post my own Birthday wishes? Dafuk? This will lead to some global warming and overpopulation of Hell, capische?!

Happy Birthday Jesus!!!




In case You are in a smiting mood this holiday (and by holiday I mean specifically Christmas, not other lesser holidays like New Years, Thanksgiving etc.) season, just a reminder of which countries celebrate Your birthday and which don't.

https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/countries-that-celebrate-christmas

Some governments that do not recognize Christmas as a formal public holiday are Afghanistan, China (except for Hong Kong and Macau), Iran, Israel, Japan, Laos, Mongolia, Morocco, North Korea, Pakistan, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Turkey, the United Arab Emirates, Vietnam, and many more. In some countries, such as Pakistan, December 25th is designated as an official holiday only for Christians.

[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2021

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS!!!!!!!!

(First!)

Almost. Zeke, Vlad, Donnie and the second Malefactor had me in their thoughts and prayers a few microseconds before you. Still, good effort. You may polish my toenails every now and when once (and if) you reach Heaven.

[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2021

Oh, Jesus! Have some cake.

Gee... OK, I conjured a replica on my table here in Heaven and ate my mother Mary first (the harlot) and then Joe the Cuckold (sweet). Am I also supposed to eat myself in the disgusting Catlick manner of tranny substance? NO-F**king-WAY! Anyways, thanks kinda.

[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2021

Look, Son (of God), December 25 is not even your birthday.

But let's not let 12 volumes of theological scholarship get in the way of a good time. Happy birthday!

So what have you got planned for the day? Busy delivering gifts, I imagine.

Nitpicking over dates may result in some heavy smitings. One day to you could be a microsecond or a trillion years to me. Capische?!

But. Finally, a nice question! I had one of the bestests birthdays evah! Dad took me back in time to watch some of our better smitings: Amakelites, Gettysburg, Krakatoa eruption, measles and syphilis outbreaks in the conquered 'Mericas, black death etc. Sinners really got what they deserved those times, didn't they?! We finished the tour at the time of Noah's flood and saw the tens of millions drown in desperate agony . Thereafter we watched Ham rape his daddy and saw all the survivors engaging in incest leading to their descent into HELL! Good times.

Abraham gave me the de luxe dvd set of Lost and Enoch the sets of Dawson's Creek and O.C. Been binge watching them. No HSMTMTS this time but perhaps next year.

[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2021

Happy Birthday Jesus!!!

In case You are in a smiting mood this holiday (and by holiday I mean specifically Christmas, not other lesser holidays like New Years, Thanksgiving etc.) season, just a reminder of which countries celebrate Your birthday and which don't.

https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/countries-that-celebrate-christmas

Meh, I'll let Dad do the smitings to-day. Back on business to-morrow. Gonna just take Donnie out for a cuppa and then perhaps a few beers.

[Roland]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2021

Hmmm.. Beer... We have a volcano that produces cold beer. You might want to try that out Jesus.

[Didymus Much]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2021

Hmmm.. Beer... We have a volcano that produces cold beer. You might want to try that out Jesus.

They probably definitely don't have a stripper factory either.

Good thing maybe. Donnie would bankrupt it, somehow.

[Roland]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2021

They probably definitely don't have a stripper factory either.

Sorry you don´t like the occasional redhead (Book of Penelope). We have a river of pasta sauce you might like?

[Roland]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2021

Hello? Over here!

If the Doc doesn't claim it, I'm a bit of a nibble pig in the mood for el Tagliatelle del Bolognese.

All are invited, if you did play nice. Tagliatelle is a great choice for ragout.


Now I am hungry again.

[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2021

drivel

drivel

drivel

drivel

drivel

*THIS IS AN AUTOMATED REPLY BY THE CELESTIAL SERVER*

Jesus Christ, King of Kings, Savior of all those who accept Him, Son of God who is God etc. etc. has left the building. Jesus is on a well-earned vacation and concentrates on streaming services after replying to a swarm of mostly uneducated questions by sinners and Christians alike. He is also filled with unprecedented WRATH, as only too few True Christian™ men congratulated Him on His actual Birthday, while the others were preoccupied. This means that no-one else is safe.

Jesus will possibly Return® either next Christmas or after the Rapture Event™, whichever occurs first. However, it is prudent to remember that one day and a thousand years are equal to Him in His WRATH! Your questions and many others may be answered during the next episode of His visits. During His absence from social media, you may consult either Pastor Ezekiel or a senior male household member regarding any questions of True Doctrine™. Meanwhile, Jesus will continue to monitor your every thought, movement (bowel or voluntary), and sex act, in order to winnow undesirable stock from entering His Realm, Heaven.

Praise Him!

[Didymus Much]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2021

So He's Holy Ghosted us again?

I think we'll get by.