Help boycott anti-Christian 'Winter office parties'!!!!

[Nobar King]

This is the new trend in Christmas parties at your job: They're no longer even being called Holiday parties, now it's just "Winter party". What are you supposed to say to your co-workers? "Happy winter"? That's just ridiculous, considering how many people get depressed during winter.

If you get one of these invitations, make sure to let the host know that you're only attending CHRISTMAS PARTIES this season. If the Muslims and Joos don't want to attend, that's even better. Why should I have to share MY holy days with YOUR religion???

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: Help boycott anti-Christian 'Winter office parties'!!!!

What's next, winter office orgies? Since they've abandoned Christianity, the only possible source of morality, they're headed down the slippery slope to exactly that.

[Nobar King]

Re: Help boycott anti-Christian 'Winter office parties'!!!!

This is the 'funny email' that's been going around lately. It's a perfect example of what's wrong with people, our country, and Christmas. Why people can't just be happy and celebrate an important cultural holiday is beyond me.

Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 1, 2009

RE: Gala Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!

Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family,

Patty


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Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 2, 2009

RE: Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Patty


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Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 3, 2009

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody?

And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.


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Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

To: All Employees

DATE: December 4, 2009

RE: Generic Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in a little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.

Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.

To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.

We will have booster seats for short people.

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food. The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.

There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty


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Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All F*%^ing Employees

DATE: December 5, 2009

RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party

I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!

The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die,

The B*tch from H*ll!!!


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Company Memo

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

DATE: December 6, 2009

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

Joan

[White_Kimbo]

Re: Help boycott anti-Christian 'Winter office parties'!!!!

This is how witches work people. First they take a good idea of someone else's design, then they complicate it a bit. Once they see that they can push the envelope a bit, they continue slowly chipping away at the idea until everybody gives up in frustration. This is exactly how they prevent people from getting saved AND how they get newly reborn Christians to give up their pursuit of salvation.

This hasn't been a problem in our country for centuries. We used to know how to deal with witches, but namby pamby athiest scientists have convinced people otherwise.

It is past time to return to dealing with witches in the BIBLE APPROVED METHOD!

[Nobar King]

Re: Help boycott anti-Christian 'Winter office parties'!!!!

This is how witches work people.

Normally, I wouldn't pick on a new user's grammar, but I'm really curious about the meaning of your post. Did you mean what you wrote: 'how witches work people', or did you mean: 'this is how witches work, people.'

Please reply.

[wrongpathtaker]

Re: Help boycott anti-Christian 'Winter office parties'!!!!

Umm, Perhaps this is just a joke email, that thing is pretty funny either way.

[Free Market Fred]

Re: Help boycott anti-Christian 'Winter office parties'!!!!

Well, I certainly don't intend to waste my winter holidays attending one of those boring Christmas parties that we hold for our office staff in Hong Kong. I've got a whole week off, and I'll be down on a tropical beach in Thailand witnessing to needy young Thai ladies. It's a tough job, but somebody's got to do it. Think of it as "the white man's burden."

Praise the Lord!
Brother Fred