Board Games That Satan Wants to See Under Your Christmas Tree

[Higgins]

Re: Board Games That Satan Wants to See Under Your Christmas Tree

Any Dungeons and Dragons/Roleplaying Game



As we all know dungeons and dragons clearly is a path to pagan ritual and statanic sacrifice. It teaches children (and nerds) that the world is full of magic, dice, and debauchery. Furthermore, it shows that the world is inhabited by any number of fantasy creatures and can lead to suicide as this webcomic shows. Spoiler alert I wonder why the pastor did not stone the witch at the end? He obviously isnt doing his job. End Spoiler alert

[Nobar King]

Re: Board Games That Satan Wants to See Under Your Christmas Tree

I just checked my closet and I don't have any of those games. The only game I found was a backgammon set. I like backgammon a lot. It's a lot like life. Sometimes you win. Sometimes you lose.

[Master Gordon]

Re: Board Games That Satan Wants to See Under Your Christmas Tree

Would Monopoly be okay if you threw out the offending pieces?

Yes I would suspect that it would be okay then we could replace them with an American pit bull terrier, a chainsaw, and an intercontinental ballistic missile.

[BelieverInGod]

Re: Board Games That Satan Wants to See Under Your Christmas Tree

Would Monopoly be okay if you threw out the offending pieces?

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Board Games That Satan Wants to See Under Your Christmas Tree

I've ordered 24 of these for my grandchildren. They need to know what life is really like.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Board Games That Satan Wants to See Under Your Christmas Tree

I could not agree more Brother Hatchet, Satan has been shoving these obamanations through peoples throats for too long now.

Game of the Goose


This evil game teaches children that they can magically die and resurrect over and over again! These Gooses are insulting baby Jesus directly! It can be no coincidence that this is Hillary Clinton's favorite game!

The Settlers of Satan


This game falsely teaches innocent children that you can build a nation without killing unbelievers! Instead of killing Indians or Muslims, all one has to do is gather resources! As if the founding fathers created America by growing weed instead of killing Brits! It can be no coincidence that this is Bill Clinton's favorite game!

[Master Gordon]

Re: Board Games That Satan Wants to See Under Your Christmas Tree

You have a very good point there Brother Higgins and one that all should take notice of.

[Higgins]

Re: Board Games That Satan Wants to See Under Your Christmas Tree

Chess is another game which should not be allowed under the tree at Christmas. This is because of the hidden catolick message underlying the game. Think about it Bishop pieces that are more powerful in the game than the knights, the warriors of the game. Clearly this game was created to show that you cannot put your trust in soldiers but have to put it in the papal ways. Furthermore, the bishop piece has a pointy hat clearly a referance to bishops in the false religion of catolickism.

Plus the game was in Harry Potter, an obvious pagan book.

[Master Gordon]

Re: Board Games That Satan Wants to See Under Your Christmas Tree

Indeed Brother Hatchet. What about this disgusting game of chance?

Snakes and Ladders how can a Christian parent allow their children to play a game that is based on the roll of a dice? What does this teach our children? Rather then fear the Lord your God and pursue your life knowing that Gods plan is set in concrete, you allow your children to determine their outcomes on the roll of dice. This silly type of game is just what Satan wants, his plan is make our children gamblers and whore mongers. This is where "chance" gets us:

1 Samuel 6:9
And see, if it goeth up by the way of his own coast to Bethshemesh, then he hath done us this great evil: but if not, then we shall know that [it is] not his hand that smote us: it was a chance that happened to us.

[Old Man Hatchet]

The Game of Life



This devilish diversion simulates life from college to retirement. Players spin and land on "life events" such as "Move across country; Pay $10,000." How about some life events that children can actually learn from, like "Incur God's wrath by lingering on MSNBC while channel surfing; Die of AIDS"? Also, there is nothing in the Game of Life rulebook that prohibits plastic blue piece-plastic blue piece marriage. I am morally outraged!


Clue



The goal of this game is to collect clues and deduce which suspect murdered Mr. Boddy with which weapon and in what room. What's absurd is that there isn't a single minority represented in the game.



Normally I'm all for the exclusion of minorities, but let's face it: crimes are committed by Negroes and Mexicans. Miss Scarlet and Mrs. White should be Miss Tasheka and Mrs. Gonzales respectively. I don't need to roll any dice or draw any cards to figure this one out: J'waun killed Mr. Boddy, and he also used his "lead pipe" to rape Mrs. Peacock in the billiard room.


Monopoly



The sole objective of Monopoly is financial domination and the utter ruin of all competitors. Sounds like a game espousing American values that would get Jesus' stamp of approval. But hold on. One of the game pieces is a "Scottie"--a gay breed of dog from the even gayer country of Scotland, where men wear skirts and "blow" bagpipes.



Furthermore, there is an iron and a thimble, neither of which should be handled by a man under any circumstances lest he become "domesticated" (read as "queer"). How many male monopoly players have gone on to wear aprons, push vacuum cleaners, and blow bagpipes? It makes me shudder to guesstimate. The Parker brothers should have gone directly to jail for releasing this heinous game.


Operation



Players test their hand-eye coordination by extracting small plastic pieces from Hitler's naked body. That's obscene on many levels. Shame on the powers-that-be at Milton Bradley for glorifying Adolph Hitler. He was, after all, a Catholic. Perhaps you're thinking, "If that's Hitler, then where's his mustache?" The patient has been prepped for surgery, pinhead. It's been shaved.


Candyland



I find Candyland to be the gayest game around, and that's taking Care Bears: Calling All Care Bears into consideration.




Trivial Pursuit



The name Trivial Pursuit is a play on words, but it's also quite apt. Instead of being productive by reading the Bible or bashing gays or bashing gays with the Bible, players answer secular questions. The game does not deal with any information of use or import--only categories like "geography" and "science" are offered. If a player answers a question correctly, he or she gets a "pie." I find that very offensive, but not as offensive as the game board itself, which has some kind of sick Satanic/homosexual symbol:




Risk



My only real beef with Risk is that players are subjected to unGodly place names like Irkutsk, Kamchatka, and Quebec. I'd actually like to see this game revamped and called W.'s Risk. Rather than players taking over other countries by rolling higher than their opponents, they would instead ignore the United Nations, invade on the basis of phony reports, prematurely claim victory, and hire Halliburton for contract work so the vice-president can profit. Every turn players have to concoct reasons for their military conquests, such as "They have WMDs," ""We're fighting them there so we don't have to fight them here," or "We're spreading freedom." Praise Jesus! That's how you fight a war!