New Years Eve party rescues, OR, The Art Of The Buzzkill

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

I'm sure you've all heard of the situation: you're at a New Year's Eve party, and as the drinks flow you realize that pretty soon some revelry is going to begin.

God does not like revelry. So, it's time to whip up a "buzzkill", and fast. These are harder to improvise than you'd expect, so I'm starting this thread. The best ones will be put on cue cards and saved for next year.

This year I started with "I have some sobering thoughts on the Sandy Hook shooting" which worked pretty well, until some of the gun nerds really got into terminal ballistics on 6-year olds, whether he would have been better off just using an AA12 with birdshot etc. So people were having too much fun again.

I pulled things back onto the straight and narrow with some Fiscal cliff talk, and on the risk of terrorists setting off a nuclear bomb in the Great Lakes to drown us all in a tsunami. Next thing you know it was 3, 2, 1, and good night.

Over to you, brethren. What are your "buzzkill" tips and tricks?

[Little Donkey]

Re: New Years Eve party rescues, OR, The Art Of The Buzzkill

Well, it's not really meant as a buzzkill but it seem to have the effect. As the party heats up, go to the kitchen and make a nice, tasty punch out of all the alcohol. Add some tabasco for flavor.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: New Years Eve party rescues, OR, The Art Of The Buzzkill

I've found an improved version: instead of giving people something solid to talk about, mix together a confusing mash of contradictory confusion. Nobody wants to sound like they misinterpreted what you said, so they just end up standing silent, nodding sagely.

I started with the burning amazon and refugee indians and bleached-blond coral affecting RussExit Belgian-endive futures in the derivatives market and how that makes you wonder if the zombies are really the true monsters.

Note that if anyone is stoned, this strategy completely backfires.