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  • #1

    A friendly CHRISTmas reminder - for My sake

    I hope you are all getting Me awesome CHRISTmas presents and tithing extra in My name!

    Please don't jew Me on My Birthday! And don't forget to tip your pastors!

    BLESSINGS!

    Blessed is Me.
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  • #2
    Re: A freindly CHRISTmas reminder - for My sake

    Well, hello there Holy Omniscient Messianic One!!

    Thank you so much for all you have done for us, who were once naught but filthy abominations, but are now tolerable in the sight of He that sent You.

    I won't blather on with endless praises here, of which you are so worthy, but just be advised, I will carry on like a star-struck school girl when you finally call me home to you! I can't wait!! Kill me now, please!

    With loving, humble and faithful worship,

    Yours In You,

    Mark.
    sigpic

    I Kings 7:23

    And he made a moulten Sea, ten cubites from the one brim to the other: it was round all about, & his height was fiue cubits: and a line of thirtie cubites did compasse it round about.

    New here? Desiring to be pleasing in the eyes of The Lord and His Followers?

    Then do as directed by our esteemed Pastors and head on over to the Introductions subforum and make your first post there, friend. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus. Anything else you want to share with us about how Jesus has blessed you is welcomed too.

    Are you a hater of God that believes He is a morally bankrupt monster? Read Why, you ask, is God so angry? to see that it is in fact you that is the monster that mercilessly and infinitely torments God.

    Stop this relentless torturing of God and accept Jesus today!

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: A freindly CHRISTmas reminder - for My sake

      Jesus, I didn't think we'd see you this year. How honoured we are! It's already Tuesday here, so it's your birthday tomorrow. I thought I might go and stone some sinners for your birthday. I hope you will like that.
      Your adoring fan,
      Widow Irene.

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: A freindly CHRISTmas reminder - for My sake

        Oh! Oh!

        Dear Merciful Jesus, sir -

        My , my ... my reason for living! I only exist to glorify You! Thank You ever so much for gracing this humble forum with Your omnipresence.

        For Your gift, I am tithing this month's mortgage payment to LBC, which I hear is Your favorite church. I also plan on publicly rebuking the You-mocking whores and blasphemers who have the nerve every year to patronize Seamus O'Sinner's Public House on the eve of Your birthday (it's not open Christmas Day or else those drunkards would be saucing it up then as well).

        If there is anything else You want from me (do You enjoy fresh pie?), You have only to ask; I am Yours for the taking!

        In Complete and Perfect Adoration
        Mrs. Paddy McIrish
        1 Corinthians 11:3 | Ephesians 5:22
        Now glorifying GOD on the Twitter! Follow me at @MrsPaddyMcIrish!

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        • #5
          Re: A freindly CHRISTmas reminder - for My sake

          Lord Jesus, it's wonderful to see You again! I have lots of questions, but I don't want to annoy You. Therefore, I will quietly pray, and I'm sure the answers will be made clear to me.
          WARNING:
          In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
          REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

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          • #6
            Re: A freindly CHRISTmas reminder - for My sake

            The Fairest of 10,000, Ruler of all Nations...at Your Holy Feet we do bow...



            Thanks for stopping in, King of Kings. We know it gets busy managing the entire universe like You do.

            Your faithful servant,

            Pastor Ed

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: A freindly CHRISTmas reminder - for My sake

              Hosanna, Lord: I love You, and have pledged my entire life to You. Please keep Your eyes upon me, and grant me True Christianity someday. If I am not meant to be a wife and mother, please help Mother and Father find a suitable housekeeping or cook position for me. Your pleasure is my only goal. Again, I love You. Praise You. Oh bless the Lord, my soul, His mercies bear in mind, forget not all His benefits, the Lord to thee is kind. NRL
              1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
              Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
              Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
              Locations in 50 States and Canada
              !Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
              Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
              Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.

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              • #8
                Re: A freindly CHRISTmas reminder - for My sake

                Actually, Jesus, I know I said I wasn't going to bug You with specific questions, but...

                We've got some midterm elections coming up. I've been praying and praying, trying to understand why it was Your will that so many bad things would be allowed to happen during the 2012 elections, but all I can come up with is that You were displeased with the Republican party because our leadership did not do enough to suppress the black vote stop voter fraud.

                If we work extra hard to do better this year, do You think maybe You could see Your way clear to allowing the GOP to have some victories?

                I'm sorry for asking, but I know a lot of Republicans who've been really despondent, and I'm sure it would pull some of them out of their depression.

                Thank You.
                WARNING:
                In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: A freindly CHRISTmas reminder - for My sake

                  When are you you going to return to us?

                  It's getting mighty gay on Earth, these days

                  Did you know they have communal showers, these days? I have to keep a keen eye on my Nephew when he changes for swimming to keep him safe from perverts.

                  You would be shocked.

                  YIY
                  1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

                  Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

                  Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

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                  • #10
                    Re: A freindly CHRISTmas reminder - for My sake

                    This years war on Christmas is over! CHRISTMAS WINS AGAIN! CHRISTMAS WINS AGAIN! SHOUT GLORY!

                    Leviticus 13:40 And the man whose hair is fallen off his head, he is bald; yet is he clean.

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                    • #11
                      Re: A freindly CHRISTmas reminder - for My sake

                      Well that settles it, atheists.
                      The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Re: A freindly CHRISTmas reminder - for My sake

                        Jesus, since I am one of your favorite creations, would you mind helping me move this weekend? It would hardly be work with the two of us doing it.
                        The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Re: A freindly CHRISTmas reminder - for My sake

                          Hey, Jesus, I'm still waiting for my DEWALT 10-Inch Double-Bevel Sliding Compound Miter-Saw.
                          May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            Re: A freindly CHRISTmas reminder - for My sake

                            I'd never joo Jesus!

                            As always Jesus, I have your six.

                            (btw - While the Cicada invasion was fun last June, it was not quite the same as full blown petulance and locusts. I hate to be a whiner but could you do better this year?)
                            Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
                            Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
                            Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
                            Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
                            Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
                            Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

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                            • #15
                              Re: A friendly CHRISTmas reminder - for My sake

                              My Lord, what is the deal with You allowing poor George Zimmerman to be arrested for pointing a shotgun at his ex? Are You testing him the way You tested Job?

                              This is so inspiring!
                              WARNING:
                              In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                              REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

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