[amie-81]

Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

I don't believe those negroes and their T-Shirts. I think they are lying. They still look like savage beasts from the jungle.

are you calling some of God's works- beasts? are you saying black people are not worthy of respect and being treated equal- like one of God's own children?

[Larry Lee]

Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

As the good Pastor says, it's an honorary title referring to the fact that, while he himself has never committed the act of self-pollution, over three dozen people have done filthy things to themselves while thinking about him (thus making him an accessory to masturbation), and then given up and found Jesus. So although he's never touched himself, he is a relevant factor in the cases of nearly 40 ex-masturbators. I think we can all agree he deserves that award.

All of those who have accessorized their Onanism with mental imagery involving our beloved Pastor Zeke need to apologize to him by PM. They should ask Pastor how they can ever hope to compensate him for the shame of his second-hand participation in their sin.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

As the good Pastor says, it's an honorary title referring to the fact that, while he himself has never committed the act of self-pollution, over three dozen people have done filthy things to themselves while thinking about him (thus making him an accessory to masturbation), and then given up and found Jesus. So although he's never touched himself, he is a relevant factor in the cases of nearly 40 ex-masturbators. I think we can all agree he deserves that award.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

Why do you have an "Ex-Masturbator" badge up above your post, then? Did you decide to give them all to yourself in some sort of power trip?

In my case, it's an honorary title.

[False Christian Bigot]

Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

Having never committed the sin of Onan even once in my life, I will not be needing any of those shirts.

Lord knows I've had the chance, but I've never been tempted to engage in such a revolting, unnatural act.

Especially when Jesus is watching.

Why do you have an "Ex-Masturbator" badge up above your post, then? Did you decide to give them all to yourself in some sort of power trip?

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

I had a shirt similar to that made for myself a few years back after I started my "Touch Jesus, Not Yourself" program at my Church. It went over very well.

How exactly did these kids "touch Jesus"? You have some weird methods my friend. Why not stay with the proven method from the Holy Bible? They workd fine for my kids and my grand kids and we all love each other almost as much as we love Jesus.

Proverbs 13:24 "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes."

Proverbs 23:13-14 "Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell."

[Rev Buddy]

Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

I had a shirt similar to that made for myself a few years back after I started my "Touch Jesus, Not Yourself" program at my Church. It went over very well.

[Larry Lee]

Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

I ride with some brothers that struggle with this daily! Exactly how long do you have to quit this Onanistic behavior to be considered an "ex"?

Some would say 20 minutes. But in truth, your status as an ex-masturbator is between you and your God, who watches your every move.

[Muttthepreacher]

Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

I ride with some brothers that struggle with this daily! Exactly how long do you have to quit this Onanistic behavior to be considered an "ex"?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

I love masturbating. And it's better than church!! Whenever I missed a day of church even back when I went, I would use the opprotunity to get off in privacy.

Dear Godmocking Queer;

Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule of worshiping satan and being sodomized by strangers in public toilets to post this hateful message. The Holy Bible tells us that we are actually Blessed by your persecution! Thanks for proving that we're right.

Matthew 5:10 Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
5:11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
5:12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

Enjoy hell. I know that Jesus and I can't wait to watch you burn in hell for all eternity. Oh, how we'll laugh at you as you scream in agony! Shout Glory!!

YIC,

--Pastor Ezekiel

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

I love masturbating. And it's better than church!! Whenever I missed a day of church even back when I went, I would use the opprotunity to get off in privacy.

Would you be so kind as to burn your house down for us? Thank you.

[Jed_Cassidy]

Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

No.

Speaking of which, you still owe December's tithing payment. Because of late fees and interest, it stands at $421.58 as of today.

I'd hate to see that '93 F-150 of yours get in an unfortunate accident because God decided to punish you for not tithing to your church. It would be such a pity...

Oh yes, sorry Reverend, I understand completely. The Christmas season took quite a toll on me (had to buy decorations for the house), but I know that's no excuse for the late payment.

I'll write a check immediately. Do you want me to make it out to the church, or is this one of those special "straight-to-Jesus" tithes you told me about that I should write out directly to you?

Thanks for the reminder Reverend!

[TheLegitMan]

Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

I love masturbating. And it's better than church!! Whenever I missed a day of church even back when I went, I would use the opprotunity to get off in privacy.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

By the way, can these t-shirts count towards my monthly tithing to the church?

Thanks!

No.

Speaking of which, you still owe December's tithing payment. Because of late fees and interest, it stands at $421.58 as of today.

I'd hate to see that '93 F-150 of yours get in an unfortunate accident because God decided to punish you for not tithing to your church. It would be such a pity...

[Noah Dint]

Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

I will not need one unless masterbation as a child counts. I have not touched myself since as a lad my father got a switch and taught me the difference between when I was wacking myself and when he was wacking my wicked winky with a willow branch. (say that fast five times)

Thank God for True Christian(tm) parenting! Glory!

-ND