[handmaiden]

Re: I'm Engaged!

Yes, this is an old thread. Presumably, it has not be replaced by a "I am married" thread because a properly married, True Christian™ woman would be busy with her household duties and her two or three children by now.

Just because toddlers can't read is no reason not to start their Biblical education, yet. At the very least, a mother can watch them carefully to see if their stubby little fingers start grabbing for their genitals. That's when a sharp slap and a stern lecture on lust begin them on the journey of virtue. Children should NEVER be allowed to think that their bodies are their own property. Christ is over us all.


The thought of playing with their own parts should be as anathema to them as peaking under Jesus' loincloth when they hung Him on the cross to suffer and die. Indeed, Jesus' pain and blood should be brought up at every possible opportunity for the instruction of delicate young minds.

[JamesH.B]

Re: I'm Engaged!

I know this thread is more than 2 years old, but I just wanted to say how happy I am that my daughter didn't marry that heathen Samuel. As disappointed that I am that she doesn't have a husband (through no fault of her own, as there are almost no Godly unmarried men in our area), I'm glad that she isn't unequally yoked and in violation of 2 Corinthians 6:14.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: I'm Engaged!

Basilissa,


First of all, I am a certified equine G N A T H O L O G I S T.


Those of my kind are concerned with the proper occlusion of horse's teeth. I am not a graphologist, I am not a gerontologist. It seems there are a few light bulbs dimming in the chandelier of your mind.


Second, I have not proposed to you. This is not to say that I won't do so, but as you can see I am being pursued ravenously by the majority of the women on this board and I am trying to pray about each one to see who may be right for me. I am bombarded with countless private messages from all of them. Today, for instance, I received one. (1)


I think it's sinful to see all this unbridled lust although I completely understand it. It's not every day you see someone bearing the title of CEG and when I add my vet-by-mail certificate to that, it will be hard to contain all the requests for my company.


Your interest is noted.


My income is just fine, TYVM. Just check the tithing records for LBC.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: I'm Engaged!

First, I am a gnathologist, not a graphologist. It would be hard to analyze the handwriting of a horse, sweet maiden. LOL ROFL LOL

Matthew 19:26, Brother Larry.

[Basilissa]

Re: I'm Engaged!

Just how old - er - young are you? If I have been untoward, I fall at your feet a humble, broken man in need of God's ever-constant mercy (Micah 7:18-19). In Jesus Name, please be legal.

Yes I can already be legally married, Brother.

And, dear Sister, as for my income: First, I am a gnathologist, not a graphologist. It would be hard to analyze the handwriting of a horse, sweet maiden.

Of course, Brother! Silly me. I'm sure that your salary as equine gerontologist will be much better than if you were a graphologist. (Whew, I admit you had me worried a little bit there).

We mustn't also forget that my parents released a large trust fund so I can use/invest that as I see fit. The LORD provides!

Now, this is the trust I wanted to ask you about. Is it enough to purchase a decent property on the lake? (Preferably facing the lake on the west side west because it's easier to take pictures of sunsets than sunrises because it's not necessary to get up very early) How about another one in the mountains? (With the same preference for the same reason). I'd need to see a lot of proper documentation of your economic stability before making any sort of decision. By the way, how is your health? Any life-threatening allergies that I should know about? Is the trust fund transferable to your future widow?

[BrotherLarry]

Re: I'm Engaged!

Please, forgive me, Brother Larry, for my past transgressions.

Ehem. As a delicate and impressionable very young lady I should take offense to your words, but as a True Christian I forgive you, my beloved Brother.

On a completely unrelated note, how is that trust situation of yours going? Because somehow I fail to imagine that you could make a decent 6-figures+ living being an equine graphologist.

Basilissa,


I forgave you before you even asked, since I believe this is one of the traits of a good Christian gentleman (Mark 11:25).


Just how old - er - young are you? If I have been untoward, I fall at your feet a humble, broken man in need of God's ever-constant mercy (Micah 7:18-19). In Jesus Name, please be legal.


"Trust?" Can you refresh my memory?


And, dear Sister, as for my income: First, I am a gnathologist, not a graphologist. It would be hard to analyze the handwriting of a horse, sweet maiden. LOL ROFL LOL Has she mistaken me for another man?


It is true that my career is not yet as lucrative as it will be one day. However, once I become a vet, that won't matter. My gnathology and veterinary practice will more than pay the bills and allow for a suitable tithe. In addition, upon completion of my PhD in Creation Science, the sky is the limit! GLORY!


We mustn't also forget that my parents released a large trust fund so I can use/invest that as I see fit. The LORD provides!


COME, LORD JESUS! (Rev 22:12)
BrotherLarry

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: I'm Engaged!

As Esther is no longer engaged to that quite extraordinarily rude man (a lucky escape, by the sound of it), should this thread not be quietly archived? Or is it to remain here as a warning?

[Basilissa]

Re: I'm Engaged!

My, my, Sister Basilissa
Your words now seem unimportant since Hubbard went back on his promise to wed our dear Esther and we heard nothing more of Hubbard's sister. Thankfully, Hubbard won't be bothering Esther much longer (or anyone else).

Please, forgive me, Brother Larry, for my past transgressions.

In fact, all of you spinster ladies are obviously in need of a professional, hard working man (perhaps one who works with animals) to keep you in line with the LORD.

So, take care, Sister Basilissa , Esther , Elizabeth , and others .

Ehem. As a delicate and impressionable very young lady I should take offense to your words, but as a True Christian I forgive you, my beloved Brother.

On a completely unrelated note, how is that trust situation of yours going? Because somehow I fail to imagine that you could make a decent 6-figures+ living being an equine graphologist.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: I'm Engaged!

1. My dear, why are you bothering Mr. Hubbard with your pointless questions? (If you want to marry the woman, you need to talk to her father, not brother).

2. Who in their right mind would put crayons on a chandelier?

3. Sorry to break it to you, but "skepticalized" is not a word in American.

My, my, Sister Basilissa
Your words now seem unimportant since Hubbard went back on his promise to wed our dear Esther and we heard nothing more of Hubbard's sister. Thankfully, Hubbard won't be bothering Esther much longer (or anyone else).


I wish Esther would post a photo. She might find a suitable husband if she were to do so. There are some amazing young men on this site who are handsome, virile, hard bodied and able to discern a proper pie when it is placed before them.


In fact, all of you spinster ladies are obviously in need of a professional, hard working man (perhaps one who works with animals) to keep you in line with the LORD.


So, take care, Sister Basilissa , Esther , Elizabeth , and others .


Eligible until He Comes (Rev 22:12),
BrotherLarry

[Basilissa]

Re: I'm Engaged!

Can you define "wide"? I recognize that I am not the brightest crayon in the chandelier, but if she's fair of face, why would anyone photoshop her on someone else's body?

I'm sorry, Brother Sam, but I'm a little skepticalized.

COME, LORD JESUS,
Brother Larry

Oh, why did Elizabeth Johnson have to go and get married?

1. My dear, why are you bothering Mr. Hubbard with your pointless questions? (If you want to marry the woman, you need to talk to her father, not brother).

2. Who in their right mind would put crayons on a chandelier?

3. Sorry to break it to you, but "skepticalized" is not a word in American.

[Samuel Hubbard]

Re: I'm Engaged!

Can you define "wide"? I recognize that I am not the brightest crayon in the chandelier, but if she's fair of face, why would anyone photoshop her on someone else's body?

I'm sorry, Brother Sam, but I'm a little skepticalized.

COME, LORD JESUS,
Brother Larry

Oh, why did Elizabeth Johnson have to go and get married?

My apologies for not responding yesterday, Brother, I was sick in bed all day. I don't know my sister's hip measurements, as that is neither my business nor something that I need to know, but in the words of my mother, "they will make childbearing easy"*. I've wondered the same thing, but my father says that if the unsaved find a woman's face to be attractive, they might decide to photoshop her head onto a body that they find more attractive so they can abuse themselves to it.


*When my mother says that wider hips makes it "easier" for a woman to give birth, she isn't talking about the process being painful. I don't want to ask how childbirth is easier because I'm sure that the answer will be disgusting.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: I'm Engaged!

I'd love to share a picture of my sister, Brother, but my father doesn't want anyone to post pictures of her online because he's afraid that some unsaved pervert will take the picture and photoshop her head onto a photograph of some random harlot's body. However, I can assure you that she has fair skin, blonde hair, blue eyes, and wide childbearing hips.

Can you define "wide"? I recognize that I am not the brightest crayon in the chandelier, but if she's fair of face, why would anyone photoshop her on someone else's body?

I'm sorry, Brother Sam, but I'm a little skepticalized.

COME, LORD JESUS,
Brother Larry

Oh, why did Elizabeth Johnson have to go and get married?

[BrotherLarry]

Re: I'm Engaged!

This wasn't Miss Demeanor of The Eulenspiegel Society by any chance, was it? She told me...me auto clubs treasurers cousin about a similar incident recently.

As a matter of fact, there was something about the Eulenspiegel Society mentioned before she got all bent out of shape. She said that there were others like her (I thought she was trying to marry off one of her friends) and that she would call them if I wanted.

I think I am glad I declined - and your auto club's treasurer's cousin wants nothing to do with that Society, friend.

Say - which auto club is it? Think fast

[Samuel Hubbard]

Re: I'm Engaged!

Brother Samuel,

I was wondering if you might share a photograph of your sister. The cooking part doesn't bother me a lot, because NY City is full of restaurants, some of them owned by Christians and staffed with Christian women. Most of them are not, so one has to be cautious what anti-American cause you might be supporting with your patronage.

But anyway, if I could just see if this sister of yours is worth my time, I'd appreciate it. I am so sick of Christian Mingle, where many of the users are either papist or some whacko Pentecostal with hair to the floor and no teeth. I am still not recovered fully from the date I had with this psycho called Miranda. Her ad read like this:

Dedicated to the Lord and His service, I seek a man that is also dedicated to my Christ and Heavenly King. Let me show you what obedience is all about. I have whips and stones and a private area out back here in my Queens, NY home where I go for special times. Must be into discipline and treating me with the respect I deserve. No fatties.

Well, my heart leapt. A woman who is willing to accept my discipline, has her own menstra=hut (not something seen too often in NY City) and knows her place in the household while being obedient! When I arrived, she was wearing some kind of demonic leather outfit and had a whip in her hand. I assumed she had been naughty and sinful so I took the whip and started to spank her as the Lord would have us to do. She screamed at me to get out and that she would call the police if I didn't go immediately. Then she told me I was a "stupid idiot" who needed to "read between the lines."

I am not sure what all that was about, but wow, people sure lie a lot when they are looking for companionship.

COME, LORD JESUS,
BrotherLarry

I'd love to share a picture of my sister, Brother, but my father doesn't want anyone to post pictures of her online because he's afraid that some unsaved pervert will take the picture and photoshop her head onto a photograph of some random harlot's body. However, I can assure you that she has fair skin, blonde hair, blue eyes, and wide childbearing hips.

[Des]

Re: I'm Engaged!

Dedicated to the Lord and His service, I seek a man that is also dedicated to my Christ and Heavenly King. Let me show you what obedience is all about. I have whips and stones and a private area out back here in my Queens, NY home where I go for special times. Must be into discipline and treating me with the respect I deserve. No fatties.

This wasn't Miss Demeanor of The Eulenspiegel Society by any chance, was it? She told me...me auto clubs treasurers cousin about a similar incident recently.