[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY!

What ever happened to "honoring" your savage jungle ancestors? I can promise you that they didn't live on brussels sprouts or any other rabbit food.

God wants us to eat meat!

You are such a thoughtful Chaperone. Don't let those silly kids do anything we wouldn't do.

Good luck Sister Victory! Let us know how it turns out!

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY!

Being a rather corpulent man myself, may I offer a few cooking tips before the special man arrives?

• DON'T drain the bacon grease! Use it as a gravy to smother your bacon with. It's much better that way.
• Use real butter, not margarine. The serving size is one stick of butter per person, so for your dinner, have two.
• As Sister Jenny pointed out, Sugar-coated doughnuts would be an excellent choice for dessert, especially with him being an officer of the law.

I really hope you two kids hit it off tonight! I'll be praying to Jesus that you two love birds find the right spark!

[JennyD]

Re: HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY!

Sister Victory Over Sex, I'm sure your hot date with Zeke your secret man will go swimmingly. The pot roast, the bacon . . . just be sure to add some doughnuts for dessert, I hear he loves him some creme-filled long johns!

Most of all, have fun and be yourself, dear!

[Jed_Cassidy]

Re: HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY!

Don't listen to ol' Zulu over there, bring on the bacon, and drill baby drill!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY!

Victory, I realize you will not listen to my pleas and go on a date with a female instead. Like I said, there are a lot of eligible lesbians here at Berkeley. However, if you want to date a man, that's your choice...

However, I do ask that you refrain from serving meat at the meal. Meat is murder. Perhaps you two can enjoy a nice candlelight dinner enjoying a bowl of lentil soup served with asparagus and brussel sprouts? It is not fair that innocent cows and pigs (which deserve the same rights as human beings) be slaughtered just because you and Officer Don want to enjoy a romantic evening together.

As well, a vegetarian diet would be healthful for both of you and lower your cholesterol, lower the blood pressure, prevent you from having diabetes, lose excess body fat, and keep you from being a sadistic savage to eats innocent animals.

What ever happened to "honoring" your savage jungle ancestors? I can promise you that they didn't live on brussels sprouts or any other rabbit food.

God wants us to eat meat!

[confedchick]

Re: HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY!

Victory, I realize you will not listen to my pleas and go on a date with a female instead. Like I said, there are a lot of eligible lesbians here at Berkeley. However, if you want to date a man, that's your choice...

However, I do ask that you refrain from serving meat at the meal. Meat is murder. Perhaps you two can enjoy a nice candlelight dinner enjoying a bowl of lentil soup served with asparagus and brussel sprouts? It is not fair that innocent cows and pigs (which deserve the same rights as human beings) be slaughtered just because you and Officer Don want to enjoy a romantic evening together.

As well, a vegetarian diet would be healthful for both of you and lower your cholesterol, lower the blood pressure, prevent you from having diabetes, lose excess body fat, and keep you from being a sadistic savage to eats innocent animals.

X - Go suck an egg. Isn't it true that your kind practiced/s cannibalism?! No wonder you're here in the US - you're own kind didn't even want you around.

[Professor Tyeisha X]

Re: HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY!

Victory, I realize you will not listen to my pleas and go on a date with a female instead. Like I said, there are a lot of eligible lesbians here at Berkeley. However, if you want to date a man, that's your choice...

However, I do ask that you refrain from serving meat at the meal. Meat is murder. Perhaps you two can enjoy a nice candlelight dinner enjoying a bowl of lentil soup served with asparagus and brussel sprouts? It is not fair that innocent cows and pigs (which deserve the same rights as human beings) be slaughtered just because you and Officer Don want to enjoy a romantic evening together.

As well, a vegetarian diet would be healthful for both of you and lower your cholesterol, lower the blood pressure, prevent you from having diabetes, lose excess body fat, and keep you from being a sadistic savage to eats innocent animals.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY!

I think as long as your kitchen floor is scrubbed and gleaming, your house is spic-and-span, you keep your eyes properly downcast, you ask him to lead the Blessing before supper, and there's plenty of bacon, you should have no problem.

I'll be there 20 minutes early, to watch you Pray.

[confedchick]

Re: HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY!

Hmm, Jealousy? Who is a True Christian™ and who is a member?

Kudos!

[eliot mayfield]

Re: HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY!

Well, Who asked you? I am true Christian and sorry, you're 100% wrong! God hates fatties. He doesn't care how nicely you dress, how clean your house is or if you're a good cook or not. First and foremost he wants us to be attractive with a good figure. One can never expect to trap, I mean attract a good Christian man when she looks like Jabba the Hut dressed in a fashion by Omar the tent maker!

Hmm, Jealousy? Who is a True Christian(tm) and who is a member?

[SUV]

Re: HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY!

Be strong, Sister Victory! And remember, if he makes a "pass" at you ("attempts eye contact") you can distract him with the Bacon

[VictoryOS]

Re: HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY!

Thank you ladies. With the exception of that uppity jealous wench Mrs Covington, you have all given me sound advice. I really like the scarf idea, but are you sure it won't draw unneeded attention to my neck? It's just that I don't want to do anything whorish.

Sister SUV, I had also thought about the possibility of eye contact. Hopefully he will wear those big manly policeman's sunglasses so I won't have to worry about it.

I'm so nervous! I hope I don't sweat through my blouse!

[SUV]

Re: HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY!

Dear Sister Victory Over Sex,

Best of luck on your Date, and DO let us all know how it turns out!!!

Substituting Bacon for vegetables was an excellent idea; in fact, if he doesn't like it I'd have to question his True Christianity!

Praying he doesn't do anything too forward, like make eye contact or ask those questions we can't answer, such as "How are you?"

Sister SUV

[Nurse Clampett]

Re: HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY!

I think you sealed the deal with the pot roast and bacon!
Just between us girls, do you have a chastity belt? Had I known the date would be tonight I would have let you borrow mine. It has a nice electrocution device built in for unwanted advances.

[Bethany Covington]

Re: HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY!

Well, I am not a True Christian and you are. You sound very sweet and kind. The fact that you have dressed nice, cleaned your house and cooked what he likes are all attractive to a Good man.snip
I am sure some of the True Christian women here could offer better advice. Hope my blouse advice helps.

Well, Who asked you? I am true Christian and sorry, you're 100% wrong! God hates fatties. He doesn't care how nicely you dress, how clean your house is or if you're a good cook or not. First and foremost he wants us to be attractive with a good figure. One can never expect to trap, I mean attract a good Christian man when she looks like Jabba the Hut dressed in a fashion by Omar the tent maker!