Don't Write Your Own Marriage Vows

[Johny Joe Hold]

It's popular today for couples to think their relationship is different, more special than others. To reinforce this opinion, couples want to write their own marriage vows. Landover Baptist provides the Biblically correct vows, don't tamper or change them.

To verify that LBC vows are correct, I've attached some examples of Biblical vows. You can see the man pledges to take the leadership role in the union. The women pledges to obey and submit to the man. If couples start to tinker with the proper vows, it could cause God in invalidate the marriage.

Sample Marriage Vows, Sample Wedding Vows | Bible.org

[handmaiden]

Ugh! I just hate it when couples get all "creative" with their wedding vows. They make such a fuss about it being their special day when what they are doing is demonstrating The Lord's relationship with His church.

It's funny that all the brides think that they are soooo special, but they all wear a white gown that adheres to the current fashion trend. In the 80's the dresses all had puffy sleeves and every bride was a walking pouf. Then strapless gowns were the rage and every bride looked like a lounge singer at best or a harlot at worst.

I can only assume that Landover banned strapless gowns. Seriously, who wears a strapless dress to church?

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

The first 2 or 3 times I let my ex-wives do it their way and that didn't work out AT ALL. So now I let my lawyers deal with it and wallah, no more problems.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

In Godless Britain, the wife's promise to obey has far too frequently been discarded. I would never have married a man who permitted that! That particular promise - which both my beloved Matthew and I hold dear - is the very foundation of marital joy.

[Anthony Harper]

God has put the man as leader of the house. When fools try to invert this design, sin creeps its way into your home. Have a look at families in liberal cities and tell me if that looks appropriate to you!

[Johny Joe Hold]

God has put the man as leader of the house. When fools try to invert this design, sin creeps its way into your home. Have a look at families in liberal cities and tell me if that looks appropriate to you!

The thing is, if the wife promises to "love, honor and obey", it's a contract. It's decided. Putting "obey' in the vows makes mandatory. There should not be confusion about who is in charge.

[MitzaLizalor]

__ when couples get all "creative"__

And what about hymns? Apparently the congregation don't need ever to have heard it. And the organist?

Yes, a dynamic artist can retune the pipes for "glitch" (more common in big stage productions as sound effects – but it can be done) and those things will pump out more noise than a jet engine (in the right hands) so project lyrics on a big screen and stand well back. Preferably outside. What follows is certainly a creative wedding choice, "edgy" even, but can anyone sing it or hear themselves over the organ? And to deal with the confusion, I should include the words.

	Excuse me But I just have to Explode Explode this body Off me Oooooh Oooooh Oooooh Oooooh Oooooh	I'll be brand new Brand new tomorrow A little bit tired But brand new Oooooh Oooooh Oooooh Ohhhhh! Ohhhhh! Ohhhhh! Ohhhhh! Ohhhhh! Ohhhhh! Ohhhhh! Ohhhhh! Ohhhhh! Ohhhhh! Ohhhhh! Ohhhhh! Ohhhhh! Oaaahh!!!
creative couple's hymn selection	1st verse all sing along	2nd verse “real gone!”

[Q.Ponce Frottage]

Less of a vow, more of a statement:

Do you like your man grizzled?
A coming home from long day's hussle
Bit sweaty in the loins,
A acidic tear of manliness
You are my twinkle
I mean, Jesus, not you hunny
You're a real chore
I mean, get them chores done
Christ
I vow to God one of these days

[Isabella White]

Ugh! I just hate it when couples get all "creative" with their wedding vows. They make such a fuss about it being their special day when what they are doing is demonstrating The Lord's relationship with His church.

It's funny that all the brides think that they are soooo special, but they all wear a white gown that adheres to the current fashion trend. In the 80's the dresses all had puffy sleeves and every bride was a walking pouf. Then strapless gowns were the rage and every bride looked like a lounge singer at best or a harlot at worst.

I can only assume that Landover banned strapless gowns. Seriously, who wears a strapless dress to church?

Yes, indeed, dear Sister Handmaiden — you are entirely correct here about the terrible choices that some brides have made, pertaining to their wedding gowns (and, in some cases, their husbands!) I cannot remember when strapless gowns were banned here at , but I am guessing that they were never allowed. And to Almighty , I give praise for that! I mean, who in her right mind would ever think of wearing something as disgusting as this — particularly in a holy church setting?!



Has that shameful hussy in that photograph never heard of decency? Why, when Wilbur and I were married, I even wore my mother's gown and veil. It was made in 1921, but I was determined that only the highest standards should prevail at our blessed matrimonial service. Attached is a photo that you might like to see. That's Sister Victoria-Hortense on the left (she's a regular contributor at my Wednesday Afternoon McGill Street Ladies' Prayer Meeting, Bible Study and Tea & Social.) On the right is my sister (Agatha), my matron of honor.



Blessings to you, Sister Handmaiden, for remaining so chaste and virtuous — undefiled before the !

[handmaiden]

Such a lovely bride you made, Sister Isabella! And your bouquet covered more of your form than that stripper costume did of the bride in the first photo.

[Q.Ponce Frottage]

You are quite the looker! It could be these old cameras and some unfortunate lighting, that's quite the snaggle tooth. Though I imagine dental care was in a primative phase in those times. It must have been a simpler time. Just took 'em as God made you.

[MitzaLizalor]

The gentleman (Wilbur?) in your photo looks apprehensive but I'm sure Vicky-H was happy to support him in prayer and that your own confidence stemmed from that. On the other hand, Agatha (your sister, is it?) caused me some concern. Was she a Hedy Lamarr fan – well perhaps she wouldn't confide that so if a picture paints a thousand words, why can't I follow suit, in this case rather than clogging the thread up with graphic content, simply combining a few shots in a single frame which you can compare at RIGHT.

The similarity is obvious and Miss Lamarr is hardly a beacon of virtue, hence my concern. The "look" is inappropriate for Landover of course – imagine Pastor Zeke's reaction is she turned up like that! Anyway, the Lamarr creature varied styles considerably from her earlier period, the least unlike your sister's effort, to the horrific MARZIPAN middle period or perhaps she she thought she looked like alabaster: that, fortunately, Agatha did not emulate. Or maybe Hedy hadn't got around to that look at the time of the wedding. There was a brief interim phase and her late period work showed a gentler side – but still not appropriate for any Christian.

Was your sister able to overcome fashion trends of the time or did she go completely off the rails?

[Johny Joe Hold]

Your guy, Wilber, was quite a dashing and handsome fellow, Sister Isabella. I'll bet the homers of that time were angry at you for grabbing him before he fell into a life of sin.

[Isabella White]

[On the other hand, Agatha (your sister, is it?) caused me some concern. Was she a Hedy Lamarr fan – well perhaps she wouldn't confide that so if a picture paints a thousand words, why can't I follow suit, in this case rather than clogging the thread up with graphic content, simply combining a few shots in a single frame which you can compare ... The similarity is obvious and Miss Lamarr is hardly a beacon of virtue, hence my concern. The "look" is inappropriate for Landover of course – imagine Pastor Zeke's reaction is she turned up like that!

Was your sister able to overcome fashion trends of the time or did she go completely off the rails?

Oh, Heaven help us! Dear Sister Mitza, I can assure you that my sister (Agatha) has no interest in film stars. Why, I have my doubts that Aggie had even heard of this Miss Lamarr person. Goodness knows that I had no clue about her, and I've had to look her up on the interwebs googly thing!

No, you can rest assured that Agatha has remained as pure and devoted to as possible — regardless of what stage of life she has been in. You see, Dear, our dearly-beloved Daddy (a Holiness preacher from way back when) instilled in us the virtues of being faithful at all times to the . And, Agatha has excelled in that department, I must say!

To set your troubled mind at ease, attached is a photograph of dear Aggie, taken at an afternoon tea party that I had arranged for her 80th birthday. You shall see nary a resemblance to Miss Lamarr — or to any movie star!