HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS??

[Brother_Percy]

Friends,

I'm looking to book a Honeymood pretty soon, and I was wondering where to go.

Obviously my good lady expects me to book some exotic destination. 'Exotic' being the key-word she keeps on using. I think she imagines some far-off island, filled with palm trees, and doesn't think of the potential draw backs. (ie. some rastafarian dread-locked negra trying to force us to smoke weed and 'get high')

But can anyone recommend somewhere that isn't filled with homersexuals, dykes, queers, freaks, weirdos, commies, qypies, losers, voodoo-worshipping darkies, mudslimes, joos, cattylicks, rastafarians, drug-addicts, fat people, and other general low-life trash?

Thanks in advance.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS??

Dr. Kent Hovind's world famous "Dinosaur Adventure Land" would be my first choice. Good Christian fun and Biblically sound education all in one theme park! How could you go wrong?

As an added bonus, the price of admission includes financial support for Dr. Hovind's defense fund.

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS??

Friends,

I'm looking to book a Honeymood pretty soon, and I was wondering where to go.

Thanks in advance.

I recommend Christ of the Ozarks...

Christ of the Ozarks statue is a monumental sculpture of Jesus located near Eureka Springs, Arkansas, atop Magnetic Mountain. It was erected in 1966 by Gerald L. K. Smith, a Depression-era religious and political figure who briefly led the Share Our Wealth movement initiated by Huey Long. The statue is a popular tourist attraction, but remains controversial with local residents due to Smith's association with white supremacist and antisemitic organizations throughout his career.

But do be careful in Eureka Springs, I've heard rumors that there's a homosexual underground there. Antique stores, Bed and Breakfasts, and public restrooms are perfect places for homers to hide out. It might be best to travel by RV, that way you won't have to use a public restroom or sleep in any strange beds. HELPFUL MOTHER GLENDORA

PS Godly Wal-Mart headquarters is in nearby Bentonville.

[Roberta]

Re: HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS??

God's Square Mile--Ocean Grove, NJ

Probablly the only shore destination that meets your criteria! Here is the event schedule for July-you can fill your mornings and nights with a variety of Christian activities and enjoy the beach in between!

http://www.ogcma.org/pages/Calendar_08?date=07-01-2008&calendar_id=&view=monthly&status=published

[Nobar King]

Re: HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS??

Doesn't everyone go to Niagra Falls?

[Larry Lee]

Re: HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS??

What could be more romantic than a weekend together in your new home... AND a brand new Cruise Craft Outsider 625?

[Wide-Open]

Re: HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS??

If your wife fancies a bit of adventure, I'd recommend Zioni Inc. Travels.

They organise a full week trip to the West Bank, where you can throw stones at the passing Palestinians all day long from within a secured compound (you can throw them at the Joos too, and just claim you have a lousy aim ). Excursions are: building your own settlement in Gaza (can get a bit hairy), a reconstruction of Moses' travels (by SUV, and with a GPS, so it doesn't take 40 years), and a giant farewell BBQ at Gethsemane.

[JennyD]

Re: HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS??

Why not take a Christian Mission Cruise to the Bahamas?

You can learn to witness to all sorts of folks!

Young, Impressionable Schoolchildren!

School Ministry (Over 3500 decisions for Christ through this part last year)

You will be trained to be a counselor in one of the schools on the island. We will take music, drama, schools supplies, and the Gospel into the schools on the island. Please feel free to bring school supplies for the schools. We need people in willing to pray and minister with the children who make decisions for Christ and confirm those decisions so that we can begin the follow up process with local churches. If your church has a group who does drama, has a choir, or any other creative way of ministering, we want to invite you to audition the first night on the ship for an opportunity to minister in one of the schools. To register for this, please e-mail Matthew@praisefestministries.com

IN ADDITION – We are working with Dr. Tony Evans and the National Adopt a School Program. It is our goal to have every Bahamian school adopted by one Bahamian church and one U.S. Church. We will have information available.

Homeless People!

Street Witnessing Ministry (Led by the Great News Network)


You will learn from the best in the business on how to share your faith out in the streets of Nassau. Darrel Rundus and his team will teach you the Way of the Master techniques. You will get materials and training from this organization on how to share the Gospel the way that Jesus did. This will be some great training and information to bring back and incorporate at your home church.

Prisoners!

Prison Ministry (Led by former wrestlers - 70 were saved in the prison last year)

We need a limited number of people to join former wrestlers ministering in the prisons in Nassau. This option is reserved for pastors, and people who are more experienced in counseling.

And all sorts of others desperate for the least glimmer of hope!

Prayer Ministry

You be trained and grouped together to go throughout Nassau and pray over people for the needs and concerns in their lives.

YOU and your new spouse can bring that hope to all these lost sheep! Catch them while they're down, and turn them around!

Get a tan and take a dip in the ocean between soul-savings!

Don't forget to reward yourself with the Grand Buffet later!

[JawOfAnAss]

Re: HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS??

I'd recommend Chaiten, Chile. With that volcano erupting, you'll have no problem showing your blushing bride her fate if she's not submissive.

You might check with our resident vulcanologist Dr. Santiago Solo

[ExGay Alex]

Re: HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS??

You can spend "quality time" with Gog at the Oasis Resort.

http://www.oasisretreatsvg.com/

I hesitate to recommend this one, which is a Christian camp in California

http://www.alhatti.com/index.php?section_url=1

From the looks of the home page, it caters to gangbangers and you risk being carjacked in the parking lot.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS??

If your wife fancies a bit of adventure, I'd recommend Zioni Inc. Travels.

They organise a full week trip to the West Bank, where you can throw stones at the passing Palestinians all day long from within a secured compound (you can throw them at the Joos too, and just claim you have a lousy aim ). Excursions are: building your own settlement in Gaza (can get a bit hairy), a reconstruction of Moses' travels (by SUV, and with a GPS, so it doesn't take 40 years), and a giant farewell BBQ at Gethsemane.

That sounds wonderful Brother WO!!! I hope Pastor Zeke takes me there when we go on our honeymoon!

[Wide-Open]

Re: HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS??

I help you hoping Sister.

PS: Not that it's any of my business, but did you guys set a date yet?

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS??

That sounds wonderful Brother WO!!! I hope Pastor Zeke takes me there when we go on our honeymoon!

If he hasn't married you by now, he's not going to.

[ExGay Alex]

Re: HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS??

Does Landover have a travel ministry? The Religious Travel Association thinks all churches should. Purely to help them find communion with Jesus, of course.

http://www.religioustravelassociation.com/starttravelministry.htm

In Moscow, I am thinking of organizing a Christian youth weekend in St. Petersburg for straight young men and teenagers. None of those pesky Orthodox Christians will be admitted, but only those truly devoted to the Bible and to Christ's love. I will ask the RTA if they can offer tips.

(I will be screening out the infirm, though. The last time I hosted a potluck dinner in my apartment, one young Muscovite came with a broken arm and could barely feed himself. This gave me no chance to organize my sermon as I was busy tossing his salad, etc. I won't make that mistake again!)

[Brother Temperance]

Re: HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS??

If he hasn't married you by now, he's not going to.

I could say the same about you and Old Man Hatchet, but it doesn't seem to stop you throwing yourself at him every chance you get, you vile, contemptible whore.