[Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson]

Re: 10 Reasons Why GOD HATES BRITAIN!

Dear God fearing Americans and Cranky love

I must apologize for not apologizing enough in my previous post. I have been given 15 infraction points for my sins and for this Reason: "Going yappity yap yap yappity". I had no idea Americans could not read my dialect of English and must again offer apologies for this error of Judgment. But anyway, on with the apologies forgotten in above post.

Eighthly, I must apologize for our Queen Elizabeth who is the only Queen in our history to have lost an entire Empire during her reign. This is a major emarrassment to us (although not as bad as our teeth) and we can only hope that America re-instates our empire for us and then builds us nice swimming pools and also improves the weather.

Ninthly, i must apologize for the rain that falls on Americans when you come to our country. It is sadening to us Brits to see you huge Americans scurrying into dark corners like scared rats when a drop of water falls from the sky. Us Brits of course think nothing of going naked in such conditions and frolicking in our drunkenness. (usually when our showers have broken down due to the hated French owning everything). Say a prayer for us.

Tenthly I apologize for Dr Who, but you aint seen nothing yet until you have seen the demonic 'Merlin' that is also shown on our TV and has also come to American shores. Nothing quite so one dimensional has ever been shown before and only God knows why. I would advise you against watching it at all as it would damage your very souls and you wouldn't be able to understand the dialect anyway.

Eleventhly, we Brits are a bunch of wankers, so porn news is our bread and butter and we like nothing more than spilling our cereal milk over those luscious breasts in the papers every morning. We Brits do realise however that such talk is an abomination to God and to Americans who have not managed to procreate enough so that they needed to invite half of mexico to make up the numbers. We Brits would be willing to teach your American women how to pleasure you more. Please send them over here to me (virgins only sorry, cant work with spoiled goods) and I will endeavor to my best abilities to satsify their requirements. (only ten a week please, I also need to work and look after the family). God will give me strength in this endeavour. ('endeavor' for you Americans)

Twelfthly, I must apologize for our music which has been taken over by the Devil himself called Simon Cowal who creates boring monsters who claim to be able to sing and then dumps them after a year into the wastelands of Peckham coffee shops and working mens clubs. Along the way he has made millions from us gullible Brits and our loadsa money on benefits culture. Please quote some line from the Bible that may help.

Thirteenthly I must reprimand you myself for dissing our beloved 'Carry on Movies' which are the funniest things ever to have made us laugh when we had a sense of humour. Campness is a great British tradition and you Americans have attempted it once or twice ('When Things Were Rotten', hilarious, wet myself, was one example, F Troop was another close call). Unfortunatley taking the piss out of Robin Hood upset many in Brittain (Britain for anyone reading in the UK) so it was taken off the TV much to my disappointment. (I liked wetting myself).

Fourteenthly I must apologize for walking and driving on the wrong side of the road. I have tried it the American way but my insurance company have told me to stop it and the local hospital has run out of plaster. My only hope comes in salvation in the motherland of America.

So please make me an honorary American baptist (does this mean I can marry lots of women, or is that only the mormons?)

Yours hopefully, LowlifeBrit
PS. I apologize if I have forgotten to apologize enough and hope you will forgive me my sins as god forgives all who offend him. (except the French)

PPS, I must apologize for our lethal army of football hooligans. They are all closet gays really and should come out.

PPPS, Brits are great at apologizing as you can see and we will apologize for anything given half the chance. So please accept our apologies that we let so many of our best people migrate to America. And we also apologize that we let you win the war of independence but we felt really bad about charging you more for Tea. We know you Americans love Tea so much you were willing to die for it. God bless America.

Yes! I loved your apology to America. If I had to nitpick, I would scourge you on your lack of apology for burning down our first presidential home.

Other than that, I accept your highly complimentary, sincere and godly essay as to why America rulez!

[Two-Dollar Bill]

Re: 10 Reasons Why GOD HATES BRITAIN!

Dear God fearing Americans and Cranky love

I must apologize for not apologizing enough in my previous post. I have been given 15 infraction points for my sins and for this Reason: "Going yappity yap yap yappity". I had no idea Americans could not read my dialect of English and must again offer apologies for this error of Judgment. But anyway, on with the apologies forgotten in above post.

Eighthly, I must apologize for our Queen Elizabeth who is the only Queen in our history to have lost an entire Empire during her reign. This is a major emarrassment to us (although not as bad as our teeth) and we can only hope that America re-instates our empire for us and then builds us nice swimming pools and also improves the weather.

Ninthly, i must apologize for the rain that falls on Americans when you come to our country. It is sadening to us Brits to see you huge Americans scurrying into dark corners like scared rats when a drop of water falls from the sky. Us Brits of course think nothing of going naked in such conditions and frolicking in our drunkenness. (usually when our showers have broken down due to the hated French owning everything). Say a prayer for us.

Tenthly I apologize for Dr Who, but you aint seen nothing yet until you have seen the demonic 'Merlin' that is also shown on our TV and has also come to American shores. Nothing quite so one dimensional has ever been shown before and only God knows why. I would advise you against watching it at all as it would damage your very souls and you wouldn't be able to understand the dialect anyway.

Eleventhly, we Brits are a bunch of wankers, so porn news is our bread and butter and we like nothing more than spilling our cereal milk over those luscious breasts in the papers every morning. We Brits do realise however that such talk is an abomination to God and to Americans who have not managed to procreate enough so that they needed to invite half of mexico to make up the numbers. We Brits would be willing to teach your American women how to pleasure you more. Please send them over here to me (virgins only sorry, cant work with spoiled goods) and I will endeavor to my best abilities to satsify their requirements. (only ten a week please, I also need to work and look after the family). God will give me strength in this endeavour. ('endeavor' for you Americans)

Twelfthly, I must apologize for our music which has been taken over by the Devil himself called Simon Cowal who creates boring monsters who claim to be able to sing and then dumps them after a year into the wastelands of Peckham coffee shops and working mens clubs. Along the way he has made millions from us gullible Brits and our loadsa money on benefits culture. Please quote some line from the Bible that may help.

Thirteenthly I must reprimand you myself for dissing our beloved 'Carry on Movies' which are the funniest things ever to have made us laugh when we had a sense of humour. Campness is a great British tradition and you Americans have attempted it once or twice ('When Things Were Rotten', hilarious, wet myself, was one example, F Troop was another close call). Unfortunatley taking the piss out of Robin Hood upset many in Brittain (Britain for anyone reading in the UK) so it was taken off the TV much to my disappointment. (I liked wetting myself).

Fourteenthly I must apologize for walking and driving on the wrong side of the road. I have tried it the American way but my insurance company have told me to stop it and the local hospital has run out of plaster. My only hope comes in salvation in the motherland of America.

So please make me an honorary American baptist (does this mean I can marry lots of women, or is that only the mormons?)

Yours hopefully, LowlifeBrit
PS. I apologize if I have forgotten to apologize enough and hope you will forgive me my sins as god forgives all who offend him. (except the French)

PPS, I must apologize for our lethal army of football hooligans. They are all closet gays really and should come out.

PPPS, Brits are great at apologizing as you can see and we will apologize for anything given half the chance. So please accept our apologies that we let so many of our best people migrate to America. And we also apologize that we let you win the war of independence but we felt really bad about charging you more for Tea. We know you Americans love Tea so much you were willing to die for it. God bless America.

Stop groveling.

[LowlifeBrit]

Re: 10 Reasons Why GOD HATES BRITAIN!

Dear God fearing Americans and Cranky love

I must apologize for not apologizing enough in my previous post. I have been given 15 infraction points for my sins and for this Reason: "Going yappity yap yap yappity". I had no idea Americans could not read my dialect of English and must again offer apologies for this error of Judgment. But anyway, on with the apologies forgotten in above post.

Eighthly, I must apologize for our Queen Elizabeth who is the only Queen in our history to have lost an entire Empire during her reign. This is a major emarrassment to us (although not as bad as our teeth) and we can only hope that America re-instates our empire for us and then builds us nice swimming pools and also improves the weather.

Ninthly, i must apologize for the rain that falls on Americans when you come to our country. It is sadening to us Brits to see you huge Americans scurrying into dark corners like scared rats when a drop of water falls from the sky. Us Brits of course think nothing of going naked in such conditions and frolicking in our drunkenness. (usually when our showers have broken down due to the hated French owning everything). Say a prayer for us.

Tenthly I apologize for Dr Who, but you aint seen nothing yet until you have seen the demonic 'Merlin' that is also shown on our TV and has also come to American shores. Nothing quite so one dimensional has ever been shown before and only God knows why. I would advise you against watching it at all as it would damage your very souls and you wouldn't be able to understand the dialect anyway.

Eleventhly, we Brits are a bunch of wankers, so porn news is our bread and butter and we like nothing more than spilling our cereal milk over those luscious breasts in the papers every morning. We Brits do realise however that such talk is an abomination to God and to Americans who have not managed to procreate enough so that they needed to invite half of mexico to make up the numbers. We Brits would be willing to teach your American women how to pleasure you more. Please send them over here to me (virgins only sorry, cant work with spoiled goods) and I will endeavor to my best abilities to satsify their requirements. (only ten a week please, I also need to work and look after the family). God will give me strength in this endeavour. ('endeavor' for you Americans)

Twelfthly, I must apologize for our music which has been taken over by the Devil himself called Simon Cowal who creates boring monsters who claim to be able to sing and then dumps them after a year into the wastelands of Peckham coffee shops and working mens clubs. Along the way he has made millions from us gullible Brits and our loadsa money on benefits culture. Please quote some line from the Bible that may help.

Thirteenthly I must reprimand you myself for dissing our beloved 'Carry on Movies' which are the funniest things ever to have made us laugh when we had a sense of humour. Campness is a great British tradition and you Americans have attempted it once or twice ('When Things Were Rotten', hilarious, wet myself, was one example, F Troop was another close call). Unfortunatley taking the piss out of Robin Hood upset many in Brittain (Britain for anyone reading in the UK) so it was taken off the TV much to my disappointment. (I liked wetting myself).

Fourteenthly I must apologize for walking and driving on the wrong side of the road. I have tried it the American way but my insurance company have told me to stop it and the local hospital has run out of plaster. My only hope comes in salvation in the motherland of America.

So please make me an honorary American baptist (does this mean I can marry lots of women, or is that only the mormons?)

Yours hopefully, LowlifeBrit
PS. I apologize if I have forgotten to apologize enough and hope you will forgive me my sins as god forgives all who offend him. (except the French)

PPS, I must apologize for our lethal army of football hooligans. They are all closet gays really and should come out.

PPPS, Brits are great at apologizing as you can see and we will apologize for anything given half the chance. So please accept our apologies that we let so many of our best people migrate to America. And we also apologize that we let you win the war of independence but we felt really bad about charging you more for Tea. We know you Americans love Tea so much you were willing to die for it. God bless America.

[LowlifeBrit]

Re: 10 Reasons Why GOD HATES BRITAIN!

Dear God fearing Americans,

First I must apologise for being British. It must be very difficult for you to communicate with such as I and I merely hope you can be a good Samaritan to a poor soul such as this lowly Briton.

Secondly, I must apologise again for not using Z in many words (such as apologize) that you in your infinite and glorious wisdom would use instead. Our British dialects must sound like the words of Beelzebub himself to ears as perfect as yours.

Thirdly I must apologize (see I'm learning) again for the lack of understanding shown by my British lowlife colleagues who have had a sense of humour bypass rendering their senses obsolete in the eyes of God. I pray you can show us the way to salvation in the arms of the Lord.

Fourthly I must apologize for our NHS system. It kills many people daily and most people in this country of ours fear going to such places at all as most never return to see the glorious light of day created by God himself.

Fifthly, I must apologize for saying 'God Himself', as in Britain we are banned by political correctness of being able to express such gender bias. In Britain there is an heretical idea that God could have been a woman!! Crazy I know. We really do need saving over here. Please help!!

Sixthly, I must apologize for our bad teeth and awful smell. Apparently we threw out all our ancestors who had good teeth to Australia and America. This was a grave mistake as those toothless idiots remaining also didnt get around to installing baths or showers until the 1980's. This has left an indelible smell throughout the country that is most offensive to Americans, who smell like lovely home cooked Burgers.

Seventhly, I love you cranky, this makes me a gay toothless smelly lowlife Brit who needs desperately saving. I prayed to God for an answer and he said I should visit the motherland (America) and kiss your feet before I would find salvation. Howver being a Brit I am poor and worthless hence I would be grateful if you would pay for a return ticket (you wouldnt want me staying in America after all) to America, so that you could drive me around all 52 states so that I could see how wonderful a country it is. I am sure God will encourage you to undertake such a worthy conversion of a lowlife Brit.

[Mister Biscuits]

Re: 10 Reasons Why GOD HATES BRITAIN!

As Pastor for Tolerance (i.e. its total suppression) I can tell you that tolerance is an abomination. Tolerance is the province of pantywaisted liberals and atheists snivelling about their own misguided consciences.

God does not tolerate other gods, homers, whoremongers, liars, thieves, those who will not worship Him, witches, workers of iniquity and most everyone else who isn't a True Christian.

Go tell it on the mountain brother - bad teds those kopites as well

[Mister Biscuits]

Re: 10 Reasons Why GOD HATES BRITAIN!

Amen Dr. Sniderman


I also have lurked for many months..

I have never liked the Limey scum across the pond.. Now I know why..

Amen brother NormanLid ....Burn those bastard witch children born from the spilled seed of pagan norsemen

in God we trust

[Dr Hadrian Sniderman]

Re: 10 Reasons Why GOD HATES BRITAIN!

In their purest form, Brother Lid, they done a lot of good in the world. It would seem that whilst drunk on their perceived victory in world conflicts that they have lost themself. I am pleased that not all are blind to their ilk.

[NormanLid]

Re: 10 Reasons Why GOD HATES BRITAIN!

In his glorious name, Brother Porter.

Amen Dr. Sniderman


I also have lurked for many months..

I have never liked the Limey scum across the pond.. Now I know why..

[Dr Hadrian Sniderman]

Re: 10 Reasons Why GOD HATES BRITAIN!

Indeed.

Umm.. do you suffer from sleep apnea?

In Christ

In his glorious name, Brother Porter.

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: 10 Reasons Why GOD HATES BRITAIN!

I have been an avid reader, initially lured by this fine thread which outlines the God-less place that the putrid rock in the Atlantic is, inhabitated by these Britons.

They're re-writing of history to pretend glory had never sat well with me. Glory. Glory. They make me sick.

A scripted wedding to blind the world in the name of Our Lord but in a family full of deceit and ill.

Make they receive judgement one day and fast.

Indeed.

Umm.. do you suffer from sleep apnea?

In Christ

[Dr Hadrian Sniderman]

Re: 10 Reasons Why GOD HATES BRITAIN!

I have been an avid reader, initially lured by this fine thread which outlines the God-less place that the putrid rock in the Atlantic is, inhabitated by these Britons.

They're re-writing of history to pretend glory had never sat well with me. Glory. Glory. They make me sick.

A scripted wedding to blind the world in the name of Our Lord but in a family full of deceit and ill.

Make they receive judgement one day and fast.

[NikAlmighty]

Re: 10 Reasons Why GOD HATES BRITAIN!

Hi all, I am knew here. I must admit I haven't read the whole thread but I would just like to ask what your general opinion on The British are? Personally, I find them abhorent.

[Twiggy]

Re: 10 Reasons Why GOD HATES BRITAIN!

As Pastor for Tolerance (i.e. its total suppression) I can tell you that tolerance is an abomination. Tolerance is the province of pantywaisted liberals and atheists snivelling about their own misguided consciences.

God does not tolerate other gods, homers, whoremongers, liars, thieves, those who will not worship Him, witches, workers of iniquity and most everyone else who isn't a True Christian.

I like how you capitalise "True Christian", it makes it seem like a brand. You should have a logo!

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: 10 Reasons Why GOD HATES BRITAIN!

LOL this site, Speak out of line and you get a infraction, Hmm......... So much for tolerance eh?

As Pastor for Tolerance (i.e. its total suppression) I can tell you that tolerance is an abomination. Tolerance is the province of pantywaisted liberals and atheists snivelling about their own misguided consciences.

God does not tolerate other gods, homers, whoremongers, liars, thieves, those who will not worship Him, witches, workers of iniquity and most everyone else who isn't a True Christian.

[Alphonse Alban]

Re: 10 Reasons Why GOD HATES BRITAIN!

Don't try to force your words into my mouth.

What words have I been forcing in your mouth?