Rainbow Alert! Knitting Conspiracy by Godless Women Can Turn Your Husbands into Rampaging Homosexuals!

[Elmer G. White]

The Bible tells us that clothes can be clean or unclean. This mostly depends on the person wearing the clothes (Leviticus 13:46-48), of preserving the purity and unity of the chosen material (Deuteronomy 22:11), the God-Given gender of the person (Deuteronomy 22:5), and conforming to established Rules of Humility and Reverence for Jesus (Zephaniah 1:8)! That said, we have paid much too little attention to our women doing the needlework, the knitting, the crochet. This is not to say that I would be denying you, our Ladies, the simple pleasures of the less intelligent female minds of hooking the yarn and pulling it through the tight holes of the warp and the woof. It has been and it still is a very good way to keep you busy, and to avoid your delicate hands from being too idle, which could lead to unnatural thoughts and the touching of your unmentionable anatomical parts with the same fingers that feed your husbands and sons with steaks, roasts, and mac'n'cheese concoctions.

*** SODOMY ALERT ***

That is all good and Godly, but it has come to my attention that a British (what else?) company called Jester (Jesus caused their bankruptcy in the 1990's but their products are still around) has been distributing unclean materials for your knitting. The uncleanliness of a cloth is principally caused by plagues, such as leprosy.

Leviticus 13:52
He shall therefore burn that garment, whether warp or woof, in woollen or in linen, or any thing of skin, wherein the plague is: for it is a fretting leprosy; it shall be burnt in the fire.

Now, what is the leprosy of To-Day? It is obviously the plague of homosexuality, the ogre that lurks in the dark crevasses of male rectal anatomy, ready to jump and overwhelm our Brethren at a moments notice. Even the tiniest grain of this plague may shift the pivot to disaster, analism, and utter destruction.

1 Corinthians 6:9
Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,



Not only are these women intentionally turning their husbands into flaming sodomites, they are also robbing Jesus of the one thing that He gave us after killing of hundreds of millions in the Flood (Genesis 7:23) as a promise of His continued Goodwill towards Mankind!

Genesis 9:13
I do set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a token of a covenant between me and the earth.

This yarn has robbed the Covenant, the token, the Great Promise by God. All women who use these yarns are thieves, robbers. What will happen to them?

1 Corinthians 6:10
Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.

Women! Any clothing produced by Jester Wools in unclean! It contains the gay contagion and might cause AIDS. Extreme praying would obviously be helpful and cure the inevitable AIDS plague (James 5:14), but it would distract our Pastors from the more pressing duties of soul-saving (Matthew 24:14). Go through your husbands' and sons' wardrobes To-Day and remove all contaminated clothing. Stop making Sweet Jesus the Court-Jester, the Fool!


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Rainbow Alert! Knitting Conspiracy by Godless Women Can Turn Your Husbands into Rampaging Homosexuals!

God Bless You Brother White for alerting our women here at Landover Baptist about this danger. Most of us would never been aware that Satan such a plan to make men into homers. And, that their lovely wives would contribute is all the more alarming.

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Re: Rainbow Alert! Knitting Conspiracy by Godless Women Can Turn Your Husbands into Rampaging Homosexuals!

Oh heaven's me. I'll double check the gifts my sons recently got, because while they came from good women, I, and I'm sure they, were unaware of the immorality in this God-forsaking company!

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Rainbow Alert! Knitting Conspiracy by Godless Women Can Turn Your Husbands into Rampaging Homosexuals!

Oh heaven's me. I'll double check the gifts my sons recently got, because while they came from good women, I, and I'm sure they, were unaware of the immorality in this God-forsaking company!

It really is worth checking, and not only for your sons' sakes. When all this hoo-hah about the homosex became fashionable in the swinging sixties there were many cues given from one to another including clothing styles. Of course those could change but the interested parties would "keep up" and always be ready with a new collar or hand gesture. Now the "with it" look is retro. But which styles should the ardent homoeroticist adopt? Recently a number of knitting patterns from the era have been re-released.

Imaging my disgust as I browsed through last week and saw not only very inappropriate postures displayed by both men and women but sample hand signs from the era too!! The woman's glove.. and what is that man doing with his golf bat? And the other man: who on earth stands like that?? Taken together, these convey the type of impurity one is available for.

I will not mention the make-up style promoted by the more leering woman of the two.–.trying to look Chinese is quite racist really, they can't help it and mockery is never nice.–.but when these designs come back in, very often a similar pattern will be done using different pigments for brighter, more intense hues. Nevertheless, it's the knitting pattern itself which is being re-released and that is what you need to look out for. Just a simple enquiry is enough, such as "Oh! What a lovely pattern! Is that one of the re-released ones? I've been meaning to look out for them!" That will get an answer and if it is then it's an easy step to burn everything.

To think this is going on right now under our very noses! There are 18 patterns available altogether in the series.

I THESSALONIANS 5 . KJV . look up
22 Abstain from all appearance of evil.