Dressing for the Rapture

[Bertha Vanacion]

In my most recent thread discussing the modern miracle (or curse!) of Lee Press-On Nails, Sister Daisy Mae brought up an excellent point about looking our best for Jesus when he returns to take all our righteous souls into the clouds above, leaving the rest of the gutter trash to suffer and burn (Praise Him!!)

Ladies, what will you be wearing when the rapture comes? I know that I myself will be wearing my alluring black leather jacket (the one you see me wearing in my avatar) with matching handcuffs. Not only is it very flattering on me (if I may say so), but I can cuff myself to Christ for added security as we ascend rapidly to heaven! I only hope we don't go so fast that I get bugs in my teeth. That used to happen quite a lot when my late husband Leonard would take me to church on his motorbike...I can't tell you how embarrassing it is to arrive to service with your hair full of locusts!

This also raises another important question: What should we do if the Rapture should occur while we're in the shower? Imagine it: you have a hair full of Vidal Sassoon conditioner, your body coated in Milk of the Valley bodywash, and *POOF!* in comes Jesus! Wouldn't that be SO VERY VERY awkward?!!!! What would you do??!!

[BelieverInGod]

Re: Dressing for the Rapture

I don't think we get a choice. As far as I know we're not getting a 10 minute warning signal or anything like that.

Matthew 24:38-44 For as in the days that were before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark, And knew not until the flood came, and took them all away; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be. Then shall two be in the field; the one shall be taken, and the other left. Two women shall be grinding at the mill; the one shall be taken, and the other left. Watch therefore: for ye know not what hour your Lord doth come. But know this, that if the goodman of the house had known in what watch the thief would come, he would have watched, and would not have suffered his house to be broken up. Therefore be ye also ready: for in such an hour as ye think not the Son of man cometh.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Dressing for the Rapture

A good question, friend! I wonder if it will make a difference after all. I mean, consider the fact that there will be no gender differences (Matthew 22:23-30; Galatians 3:28), so no naughty bits to hide from each other. There will be no food because of the different laws of physics. For example, there will be a completely new kind of laws of thermodynamics. We know there will exist a completely new heat source (Revelation 7:16) and new light source (Revelation 21:23). Without the sun, animals won't be consuming food to produce energy to move, and the chemical reactions necessary for food digestion will not occur, since all these processes require the exchange of heat. Further, we can assume the only tree in heaven bearing fruit will be for healing of nations, not food (Revelation 22:2). No food means no need for potty. With no unsightly excretory needs, what would we even need to cover any more?

I do think, however, Mr. O'fagan has a very good and practical point we should all consider:

I have mentioned this before but I think it's worth repeating. I would advise everybody who thinks they maybe saved to keep their upstairs windows open. I always do. I have a repeating nightmare. He comes back in His glory and my raptured body floats up the stairs and then just repeatedly bangs against my closed bedroom window.

[preamble1776]

Re: Dressing for the Rapture

I haven't given it much thought, though I think the handcuffs idea is downright splendid! (Praise Him!)

[Attila's Wife]

Re: Dressing for the Rapture

I don't think we get a choice. As far as I know we're not getting a 10 minute warning signal or anything like that.

This, my friend, is a very good point. When I dream of the Rapture, I am always wearing something pale pink and diaphanous, but opaque and with a modest neckline. I now realise that I am going to have to wear my Rapture outfit at all times.

I believe that Jesus will time the event carefully, so as to avoid any of the Saved being caught in the shower (or in any other compromising position).


The handcuffs are a FABULOUS idea. I believe you can get them in pink fake fur - not as strong as the metal ones, maybe, but I for one am not going to be resisting.