Ladies and Gentlemen, We Have a WINNER!

[Mistress Cookie]

From the Desk of
MISTRESS COOKIE
Chairlady of Freehold Elections

RE: Announcing the Winner of the March 17, 2010, Mayorial Election

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Hear Ye, Hear Ye.

Comes Now CHAIRLADY OF FREEHOLD ELECTIONS on this 18th Day of March in the Year 2010 of OUR LORD, to Proclaim to All and Sundry:

Freehold, Iowa's New Mayor is our own MR. JOHNY JOE HOLD ! ! !

We congratulate Mayor Hold on his victory, and thank all candidates for participating in the political process.

Swearing-In Ceremony scheduled for Monday, March 22, 2010, 7:00 p.m., to be followed by a dinner dance.

Location: The newly erected Landover Men's Club. Dress is formal, Invitation Only.
.

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[James Dewitt]

Re: Ladies and Geltlemen, We Have a WINNER!

Congratulations Mayor Johny J. Hold, may you lead Freehold for many generations to come. Monday night the first round is on me.

[Brother Enoch]

Re: Ladies and Geltlemen, We Have a WINNER!

Congratulations Mayor Hold!

I trust my financial contributions to your campaign were helpful, and that you will soon be able to speak to US immigration on my behalf.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Ladies and Geltlemen, We Have a WINNER!

I trust my financial contributions to your campaign were helpful, etc.

My personal congratulations, too, Mayor Hold!!! I'm sure you'll devote yourself, with the Town Council's help, to upholding our True Christian™ ways and traditions for the next four years!!!

Speaking of finances, if any of the other candidates need to begin recouping their campaign costs immediately, the City is looking to hire additional busboys for the dinner dance on Monday. Please pm me if interested. The rate is $8.00 an hour with a guaranteed 4 hour minimum.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Ladies and Geltlemen, We Have a WINNER!

My friends in Freehold, thank you. I am deeply humbled. I pledge to do my very best to bring happiness and prosperity to our Godly city.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Ladies and Gentlemen, We Have a WINNER!

Congratulations, Mr. Mayor. There was never a doubt in my mind.

I am now at liberty to tell you all that Jesus told me that Brother Hold had been chosen by Him to lead Freehold in the coming years. Jesus told me these things weeks ago, but He made me swear (on Him) not to tell anyone until after the election, otherwise it might have spoiled our innate sense of "free will."

Jesus likes to leave us with our little illusions you see.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Ladies and Geltlemen, We Have a WINNER!

Mayor Hold: Don't feel you have to move anything out of the guest cottage at my place, which you were using as an Overflow Campaign Headquarters, right away. (Or really, come to think of it, at all.)

It's my pleasure to serve our officials in any way I can.

Congratulations again

[Nobar King]

Re: Ladies and Geltlemen, We Have a WINNER!

Congratulations Brother Hold. I had a feeling that things were going to swing your way. Praise Jesus and His Holy Father that you are now mayor of a shining city like Freehold and not some other backwater dump that is full of rednecks and swamp mosquitoes.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Ladies and Geltlemen, We Have a WINNER!

Mayor Hold: Don't feel you have to move anything out of the guest cottage at my place, which you were using as an Overflow Campaign Headquarters, right away. (Or really, come to think of it, at all.)

It's my pleasure to serve our officials in any way I can.

Congratulations again

Thank you so much for all your help, Miss Cookie.

And, thank you for letting me use your cottage. I would like to continue using it.

While it was entirely unrelated to use of your cottage, I did stop in at the City Tax Assessor's office today. I wanted to check in with him to see what value he had placed on your property--that is what determines how much property tax you have to pay.

When he told me, I was outraged. "Her property is worth $50.00, tops," I told him. "Fix it!"

He was quite unhappy. I had to remind him that it might be hard to find another job in this economy. He mumbled that he would look into it.

All the best.
JJH

[C. Reconstruction]

Re: Ladies and Gentlemen, We Have a WINNER!

Congratulations Mayor Hold. I am putting the finishing touches on our manifesto Path Forward Under Biblical Law® and will give it to you for your review.

Regards,
C. Reconstruction

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Ladies and Geltlemen, We Have a WINNER!

While it was entirely unrelated to use of your cottage, I did stop in at the City Tax Assessor's office today. I wanted to check in with him to see what value he had placed on your property--that is what determines how much property tax you have to pay. When he told me, I was outraged. "Her property is worth $50.00, tops," I told him. "Fix it!"

THANK YOU, Mayor!

I just purchased the house recently after leasing it on a test-run, and that triggered a massive reassesment of the property. I was shocked at the amount I was expected to pay, especially since I'd declared the aviary inside as a Rare Bird Sanctuary.

I chose such a humble shack because I thought it would keep costs down during this recession Mr. Obama dumped on us. That tax bill was quite the rude awakening.

I think you're really off to a great start serving the people of Freehold, and I'm more convinced than ever we made the right choice
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