Christian News update for 01-28-19! Anthony Davis, Scary Mommy, Atlanta snowflake kills dozens, and more!

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Your #1 End-Times news source! News and rumors of News!

Anthony Davis
Anthony Davis has told Pelicans he won't re-sign, agent says

Liberal-bias sports is now naming teams after a strutting bird that swallows slippery, writhing cylinders alive. No, obviously no homosexual subliminal messages there. .

Prodigy
This 11-Year-Old Crocheting Prodigy Is Your New Hero

No, my heroes are still Donald Trump, Donald Trump, and DonaldTrump.

Scary Mommy
Scary Mommy

Wasn't this sister Sarah's new guide to child discipline?

Classroom
Madison teachers prepare to bring Black Lives Matter into the classroom

They think Hillary lost Wisconsin because white kids don't get beaten up enough there.

Atlanta weather
Some metro Atlanta express lanes to close ahead of winter weather

Bless their souls, but what a bunch of wimps southerners are, bless their souls. If General Sherman had really wanted to mess Atlanta up, he should have brought a handful of snow with him.

Periodic table
16 Elements: Berkeley Lab's Contributions to the Periodic Table
Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory

16 elements? Their humanities wing discovered 160 genders in the same time period. Step up your game, STEM-nerds.

Snake
Hyderabad: 50% of rescued snakes are Cobras, numbers increasing

Great, the snakehandlers have missionaries in India now. My next tech support call is just going to be lots of hissing.

IRS
IRS: Welcome Back, Opportunity Zones Need Your Attention

Is that what they're calling China these days?

Drive
13-year-old girl shot when bullets fly into bedroom during drive-by in ...

Bullets are flying now? Does the FAA know this? Or dose the media need to learn that guns don't kill people, blacks kill people.

Rolling Loud 2019
Kid Cudi, Travis Scott, and Migos to Headline Rolling Loud Miami

I don't know who they are, so how about they stay there.

Clever
The Clever Thrill Ride of “Russian Doll”

"Thriller" is film-snob code for "boring movie".

J. Cole
J. Cole leaves message for all generations in 'Middle Child'

Birth order - the newest battlefield for the oppression Olympics.

Epic
Metro Exodus is the latest game to ditch Steam for Epic's game store

There's nothing epic about sitting in your mom's basement playing with your wii. How about a Basement Exodus?

Scratch
Iredell woman wins $277777 in scratch-off lottery game

Wins first class ticket to HELL for gambling.

Hillary Clinton
Hillary Clinton runs to Puerto Rico, not the White House

...

Rockets
Agent: Marquese Chriss wants opportunity with Rockets or a trade

If you want opportunity, how about you pick up some skills beyond running after balls like a dog.

NOAA
NOAA asks mariners to avoid group of 100 endangered whales south of Nantucket

You know who is really endangered? Anyone who tells me where I can or cannot sail my Yacht.

Challenger explosion
Remembering the 'star voyagers' who died 33 years ago when the Challenger exploded

Who?

Birds of Prey
First Birds of Prey footage has the entire cast in costume

If they swoop down and eat the cast of Cats, I'll watch this.

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: Christian News update for 01-28-19! Clinton Crime Family

Hillary Clinton
Hillary Clinton runs to Puerto Rico, not the White House

...

Looks like she's decided to drop the flimsy pretenses and just live openly as a criminal. Godzillary makes Pablo Escobar look like an amateur.

[Social Construct]

Re: Christian News update for 01-28-19! Anthony Davis, Scary Mommy, Atlanta snowflake kills dozens, and mo

guns don't kill people, blacks kill people.

They promise they'll stop once you give them fifty acres and a mule just like the constitution promises. Since I have a lot of freckles, I'll take 3 square inches and a guppy, thanks.