[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: God Sends Corona Virus Plague to Ravage the Heathen Chinamen

There's no record of Jesus popping that Bubble Wrap, and neither should you - it might contain air from China.

The "climate change" nutbags might object, but burn that Bubble Wrap and save the life of you and your neighbors.

[upchucker67]

Re: God Sends Corona Virus Plague to Ravage the Heathen Chinamen

As it is, I'm now one of the recent coronavirus victims sadly . A bit of context, I was called away on a mission to spread the Good News to Asian Schools, and as part of the care package cruise offered as gift from the ministry, the boat has become infested, and I couldn't escape!

I'm writing this the ship's Deck M Emergency Diagnostics, Quarantine and Morgue Ward. This virus is horrible. I make these awful wheezing sounds, it feels like glass going up and down my trachea from every breath, and there's this nasty, watery sting in my right eye that's make it all purple and swollen. Naturally, I'm praying for my own recovery, but if you would too, I could use everyone's prayers so that God might let me survive this horrible pestilence, He must have more cause for me yet, right?

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: God Sends Corona Virus Plague to Ravage the Heathen Chinamen

As it is, I'm now one of the recent coronavirus victims sadly .

Oh, quit your whining. Sure, it hurts when you pee now - that happens to all white men who visit Asia. Something about the minerals in the water.

[upchucker67]

Re: God Sends Corona Virus Plague to Ravage the Heathen Chinamen

Just saying Jeb, it will be nice to be served something other than apple sauce soon.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: God Sends Corona Virus Plague to Ravage the Heathen Chinamen

I see that the plague has now been named Corvid19. Corvid666 would be closer to the Truth - although, frankly, naming things only encourages them. See under "gender".

The President has wisely pointed out that this virus will die as soon as the weather warms up and reaches the heat and humidity levels of, say, Singapore and Bangkok. So there is nothing to worry about. But in the meantime there is panic among the Godless where I live, because there are storms and icy winds blowing towards us from Brighton, that hotbed of the Corvid virus (and homers) on the southern coast of England. It is only about 75 miles, as the plague flies.


People are staying indoors with their windows closed, and will probably die from airborne cat-faeces-related ailments. I suppose one should pray for them - why is it so hard to convince myself to do so? Romans 1:22, I suppose.

[Isabella White]

Re: God Sends Corona Virus Plague to Ravage the Heathen Chinamen

As it is, I'm now one of the recent coronavirus victims sadly . A bit of context, I was called away on a mission to spread the Good News to Asian Schools, and as part of the care package cruise offered as gift from the ministry, the boat has become infested, and I couldn't escape!

I'm writing this the ship's Deck M Emergency Diagnostics, Quarantine and Morgue Ward. This virus is horrible. I make these awful wheezing sounds, it feels like glass going up and down my trachea from every breath, and there's this nasty, watery sting in my right eye that's make it all purple and swollen. Naturally, I'm praying for my own recovery, but if you would too, I could use everyone's prayers so that God might let me survive this horrible pestilence, He must have more cause for me yet, right?

Oh, my; how terribly sorry I am to learn of this, dear Mr. Hucker. This is something that nobody should have to endure; well, not unless they are blatant sinners (and we know that this does not pertain to you.) I shall remember you in my prayers, Dear, and we shall see the work wonders for your complete recovery. And, as our beloved Sister Joanna has so kindly pointed out, our -sent President Trump knows that the virus situation will be over, once the nicer weather arrives.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/elections/2020/02/10/trump-rallies-new-hampshire-eve-democratic-primary/4716223002/

But, until then, might you get relief by gargling with some of your wife's lovely raspberry vignette?

[Alvin Moss]

Re: God Sends Corona Virus Plague to Ravage the Heathen Chinamen

Just saying Jeb, it will be nice to be served something other than apple sauce soon.

Best get your affairs in order Mr. Hucker and you should include getting right with Jesus right at the top of the list. If you have the virus God sent to ravage the ranks of the wicked, I expect you have some explaining to do. I imagine you will die soon and have an opportunity to make an accounting in person, but it is always a good idea to be orderly about the process.

[upchucker67]

Re: God Sends Corona Virus Plague to Ravage the Heathen Chinamen

Oh, my; how terribly sorry I am to learn of this, dear Mr. Hucker. This is something that nobody should have to endure; well, not unless they are blatant sinners (and we know that this does not pertain to you.) I shall remember you in my prayers, Dear, and we shall see the work wonders for your complete recovery. And, as our beloved Sister Joanna has so kindly pointed out, our -sent President Trump knows that the virus situation will be over, once the nicer weather arrives.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/elections/2020/02/10/trump-rallies-new-hampshire-eve-democratic-primary/4716223002/

But, until then, might you get relief by gargling with some of your wife's lovely raspberry vignette?

Thank you gentle Mrs. White, I appreciate you recognize I am a man of God and not a blatant sinner, though sin finds its way to me by circumstance at times - Most recently, you might notice I seem to have accumulated two shiny red points, as red as a raspberry, for a image I posted earlier that was not by wise judgement - you see, here at the Recovery Ward, they've been pumping me with all sorts of questionable pain relief drips, and it's doing funny things to my head That image, which I won't repeat, seemed to speak to me at the time.

With luck by next week, I will be relocated to the Outbound Patient Station, formerly the ship's laundry room where I will recover from corona in a jiffy .

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: God Sends Corona Virus Plague to Ravage the Heathen Chinamen

With luck by next week, I will be relocated to the Outbound Patient Station, formerly the ship's laundry room where I will recover from corona in a jiffy .

Apparently you are aboard the Diamond Princess. The Captain has requested dock access in several countries. All have refused your diseased vessel. It may be you will remain on board for the rest of your life.

Now would be a good time to repent for whatever sins you are being punished for. Did you REALLY try to convert those yellow people or did you just go through some motions?

https://www.foxnews.com/health/at-least-10-people-test-positive-coronavirus-cruise-ship-death-toll-490

[upchucker67]

Re: God Sends Corona Virus Plague to Ravage the Heathen Chinamen

Did you REALLY try to convert those yellow people or did you just go through some motions?

I got detained by a bunch of ugly transvestites, and my attempts to minister to them, I believe, is what brought me this cumbersome virus. Next time, I'll try not actually putting my hands on them.

[caged4christ]

Re: God Sends Corona Virus Plague to Ravage the Heathen Chinamen

Why would New York City, a city of debauchery, not have a case of the corona virus, is it a coverup?

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: God Sends Corona Virus Plague to Ravage the Heathen Chinamen

Why would New York City, a city of debauchery, not have a case of the corona virus, is it a coverup?

He already gave them 9/11.

God may be vengeful, but He's not a jerk.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: God Sends Corona Virus Plague to Ravage the Heathen Chinamen

As it is, I'm now one of the recent coronavirus victims sadly...
I'm writing this the ship's Deck M Emergency Diagnostics, Quarantine and Morgue Ward. This virus is horrible. I make these awful wheezing sounds, it feels like glass going up and down my trachea from every breath... etc.etc.

Mr Hucker, if by some chance you happen to recover from this (which is obviously not guaranteed, what with you being technically UnSaved at this time), does that make you immune to re-infection? If so, you could spend the next couple of years ministering to the afflicted in China, delivering Big Macs and KFC to their doors and so forth. I am sure (up to a point) that Jesus would look kindly on you for this.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: God Sends Corona Virus Plague to Ravage the Heathen Chinamen

delivering Big Macs and KFC

KFC? Kweichow Fried Condor?

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: God Sends Corona Virus Plague to Ravage the Heathen Chinamen

I see that the plague has now been named Corvid19.

Sounds like a new-wave electronica ensemble. Whoever names the "diseases" certainly has off days! From catchy sounding

• Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever and
• Oriental Tsutsugamushi

to the resonant and all 'round excellent sounding

• Bubonic Plague
  • excellent in the sense that you can tell just from the name you don't want to be smitten with such maladies

..and then they come up with

• Corvid19