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  • Pastor Al E Pistle
    Christ's Cōnsiliārius
     
    • Sep 2006
    • 9323
    #1

    BREAKING NEWS! LANDOVER ENDORSES OBAMA!

    LANDOVER BAPTIST CHURCH FORUMS, the home of TRUE CHRISTIANS™ everywhere, officially endorses the candidacy of Barack Obama for President of the United States.

    Our senior Theologians have determined that Barack and Michelle Obama and, of course their children are ethnically Caucasion. He may simply have self-identified incorrectly due to peer pressure at Harvard, but in any case GOD does not make mistakes. We regret any unfortunate jokes that non-Christians may have posted on our forum in the past that might be in any way construed as being anti-Harvard and we feel certain that our tax-exempt status and government grants will continue without interruption.
    Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
    "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
    Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


    Tags: None
    • Pastor Ezekiel
      Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
       
      • Sep 2006
      • 78552
      #2
      Re: BREAKING NEWS! LANDOVER ENDORSES OBAMA!

      Amen Pastor Pistle! Jesus supports His favorite country by giving us the leadership we deserve. The fact that president Obama has a surfer's tan shouldn't cause anyone to doubt his love for Jesus.

      At least he's not a joo.
      Who Will Jesus Damn?

      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

        Comment

        • Pastor Al E Pistle
          Christ's Cōnsiliārius
           
          • Sep 2006
          • 9323
          #3
          Re: BREAKING NEWS! LANDOVER ENDORSES OBAMA!

          Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
          Amen Pastor Pistle! Jesus supports His favorite country by giving us the leadership we deserve. The fact that president Obama has a surfer's tan shouldn't cause anyone to doubt his love for Jesus.

          At least he's not a joo.
          Moderators are encouraged to pay particular attention to posts which might be construed as ANTI HARVARD.
          Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
          "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
          Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


            Comment

            • Mrs. Cotton Mather X
              Unsaved trash
              • Jan 2009
              • 13
              #4
              Re: BREAKING NEWS! LANDOVER ENDORSES OBAMA!

              I'm not pleased about this at all. Never will I accept the leadership of the usurper B. Hussein Osambo.

                Comment

                • Pastor Al E Pistle
                  Christ's Cōnsiliārius
                   
                  • Sep 2006
                  • 9323
                  #5
                  Re: BREAKING NEWS! LANDOVER ENDORSES OBAMA!

                  Originally posted by Mrs. Cotton Mather X View Post
                  I'm not pleased about this at all. Never will I accept the leadership of the usurper B. Hussein Osambo.
                  You are already a woman! DO NOT CHALLENGE GOD lest a worse fate befall you!
                  Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
                  "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
                  Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


                    Comment

                    • JennyD
                      Honorary True Christian™
                      Sweet Placid Sister
                      Forum Member
                      • Dec 2007
                      • 9567
                      #6
                      Re: BREAKING NEWS! LANDOVER ENDORSES OBAMA!

                      Originally posted by Mrs. Cotton Mather X View Post
                      I'm not pleased about this at all. Never will I accept the leadership of the usurper B. Hussein Osambo.
                      Since you are not a certified True Christian™, or even a Member of Landover, I'm not sure why you think Pastor Pistle should care what pleases you.

                      If he has determined that Antichrist President Obama is actually a Saved© Ex-Negro and a stealth True Christian™, then that's good enough for me.

                      All hail President Obama! Glory to the Fairness Doctrine!
                      www.palibandaily.com - Your Christian News Source
                      Huckabee/Palin Gingrich 2012 will reclaim America for Christ! PRAISE!

                      Christian Ladies:
                      Savor your separation in style at the Monthly Visitor!

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