Sorcerer botches baptism

[Pastor Rune Enoe]

Brethren & Sistren

We all know how Paul compared Christ's burial to a baptism (Romans 6:3-5). When we are raised up from our watery grave, we are resurrected in Christ. GLORY!

Romans 6:4 Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.

Colossians 2:12 Buried with him in baptism, wherein also ye are risen with him through the faith of the operation of God, who hath raised him from the dead.

I am however convinced that not even the least among the Tin Tithers® would be dumb enough to conclude from this that we should stay underwater for three days to become resurrected on the third day.

But this was precisely what Mr. Nyasio Alfonso thought:


Yahoo! News

DAR ES SALAAM (AFP) - A traditional medicine man in Tanzania drowned after jumping in a river and promising to resurface three days later with relevations from ancestral spirits, police said Tuesday.

The local witch doctor, named as Nyasio Alfonso, staged his ill-fated stunt last week at the village of Masingo in the western Mpanda district near Lake Tanganyika, Rukwa regional police commander Daudi Siadi told AFP.

Dozens of villagers chanted and drummed as the fortune-teller dived to confer with the riverine spirits, he said.

"The incident was reported to us by the village leadership on Sunday, four days after Alfonso threw himself into the river," he said. "His decomposing body was fished out several metres downstream."

[. . .]


Don't do this at home, kids. If you want to be baptized, contact a professional True Christian™ pastor.

[Brother V]

Re: Sorcerer botches baptism

I find it funny that they didn't doubt he could do it until the fourth day.

HeHe

YIC
V

[Pastor Rune Enoe]

Re: Sorcerer botches baptism

I find it funny that they didn't doubt he could do it until the fourth day.

HeHe

YIC
V

I guess he took the phrase "by baptism into death" a wee bit too literally, which proves once again that a little learning is a dangerous thing.

If baptisms were easy, we wouldn't need churches, would we?

[Sister Noddy]

Re: Sorcerer botches baptism

Brethren & Sistren

I am however convinced that not even the least among the Tin Tithers® would be dumb enough to conclude from this that we should stay underwater for three days to become resurrected on the third day.

Don't do this at home, kids. If you want to be baptized, contact a professional True Christian™ pastor.

This is what can happen when ordinary people misunderstand scripture.

I Corinthians: 15

35: But some man will say, How are the dead raised up? and with what body do they come?

39: All flesh is not the same flesh: but there is one kind of flesh of men, another flesh of beasts, another of fishes, and another of birds.
40: There are also celestial bodies, and bodies terrestrial: but the glory of the celestial is one, and the glory of the terrestrial is another.

42: So also is the resurrection of the dead. It is sown in corruption; it is raised in incorruption:

46: Howbeit that was not first which is spiritual, but that which is natural; and afterward that which is spiritual.
47: The first man is of the earth, earthy: the second man is the Lord from heaven.
48: As is the earthy, such are they also that are earthy: and as is the heavenly, such are they also that are heavenly.
49: And as we have borne the image of the earthy, we shall also bear the image of the heavenly.
50: Now this I say, brethren, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God; neither doth corruption inherit incorruption.

Mystery of Faith: Christ has died, Christ has Risen, Christ will come again.

So it is that ordinary people cannot know the Great Mystery, such things are of God, in the Spirit, but only have Faith.

[SalvationSeeker]

Re: Sorcerer botches baptism

This is what can happen when ordinary people misunderstand scripture.

Guess you oughta know, being an expert at misunderstanding (and IGNORING!) scripture.

[Sister Noddy]

Re: Sorcerer botches baptism

Guess you oughta know, being an expert at misunderstanding (and IGNORING!) scripture.

What do you think Paul was saying there? Jesus' resurrection was of the Spirit, and his new 'flesh' was of heaven and not a physical body.

[Pastor Rune Enoe]

Re: Sorcerer botches baptism

This is what can happen when ordinary people misunderstand scripture.



Mystery of Faith: Christ has died, Christ has Risen, Christ will come again.

So it is that ordinary people cannot know the Great Mystery, such things are of God, in the Spirit, but only have Faith.

Is that why the Anglicans sprinkle water and draw crosses on the head of defenseless babies - instead of performing a real baptism when they reach their age of accountability?

[Pastor Rune Enoe]

Re: Sorcerer botches baptism

What do you think Paul was saying there? Jesus' resurrection was of the Spirit, and his new 'flesh' was of heaven and not a physical body.

Didn't Paul also say something about women being silent in churches?

First you were an Anglican, then you were an Atheist and now you're into Gnosticism. If you had chosen agnosticism you would at least have maintained the alliteration.

[Sister Noddy]

Re: Sorcerer botches baptism

You are just trying to change the subject, Mr Prune.

First we Episcopalians do baptize by full emersion.

Second, we do honor and respect women as equal to men in our modern society.

Third, because of the specific scripture I have posted above in I Corinthians by Paul, we see fit that it is acceptible to consider Christ's resurrection as having been in the Spirit (soul) only and not his natural earthly body.

Now many still do believe in a physical resurrection, but I personally do not.

... hope this explains, noddy

[Brother V]

Re: Sorcerer botches baptism

Now many still do believe in a physical resurrection, but I personally do not.
:

Jesus made kind of a big deal of it being a physical resurrection.

Luke 24:39 Behold my hands and my feet, that it is I myself: handle me, and see; for a spirit hath not flesh and bones, as ye see me have.

Or do you reject that part of the Bible (KJV1611).

If you reject the Bible, how can you consider yourself a christian?

YIC
V

[Pastor Rune Enoe]

Re: Sorcerer botches baptism

Now many still do believe in a physical resurrection, but I personally do not.

So what happened to the body? Are you going to say Joseph of Arimathaea ate it at the last supper? Or that all the disciples bungled and went to Lazarus' empty grave instead of Jesus' grave?

[SalvationSeeker]

Re: Sorcerer botches baptism

What do you think Paul was saying there? Jesus' resurrection was of the Spirit, and his new 'flesh' was of heaven and not a physical body.

Nonsense.
You cut out verses to twist it.. is that how you usually do at your "church"?
And your interpretation creates a contradiction with other parts of the Bible, thus your interpretation is WRONG!

So also is the resurrection of the dead.
It is sown in corruption; it is raised in incorruption:
1 Corinthians 15:42

Are you saying Jesus was corrupted?
And ye know that he was manifested to take away our sins;
And in him is no sin.
1 John 3:5

It is sown a natural body; it is raised a spiritual body.
There is a natural body, and there is a spiritual body.
1 Corinthians 15:44

And are you saying that Jesus flesh was natural flesh? His body natural?
And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth.
John 1:14

Really, you need but read verse 40 to realize..
That this verse is about the raising of ordinary men, not of Jesus Christ, who'm is God Himself.
You're simply desperate to find support for your blasphemous theories.


Also, do tell me what this would mean if you were actually right..

Then saith he to Thomas, Reach hither thy finger, and behold my hands;
And reach hither thy hand, and thrust it into my side: and be not faithless, but believing.
And Thomas answered and said unto him, My LORD and my God.
Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed:
Blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.
John 20:27-29

So as you can see, Jesus didn't even have a new body: He had the same body that was crucifed! And that is the only thing that could be:
For that one was perfect, being the Word made flesh and EVERY Word of God is pure! (Proverbs 30:5)

What you're doing is striking at the foundations of faith:
You downplay God's power, and claim that Jesus/God/The Word is impure, CORRUPTED even!

REPENT!

[Sister Noddy]

Re: Sorcerer botches baptism

Brother V:

Jesus made kind of a big deal of it being a physical resurrection.

No, fundamentalists make a big deal out of a physical resurrection.

Brother V:

So what happened to the body? Are you going to say Joseph of Arimathaea ate it at the last supper?

No, not exactly. Joseph of Arimathaea could have moved the body to another location.

And last but not least, Mr Salvation, you are viewing the scripture one way, and I am viewing the same words another way.

So also is the resurrection of the dead.
It is sown in corruption; it is raised in incorruption:
1 Corinthians 15:42

If Jesus' actual physical body came to life again, it would have been corrupt biologically, and starting to fester. God gave him a new heavenly one, and that's the one seen by Mary and the disciples; what they were seeing and touching was a spirit body, and God could have made it possible for their senses to know Him.

It is sown a natural body; it is raised a spiritual body.
There is a natural body, and there is a spiritual body.
1 Corinthians 15:44

What dies in the natural flesh will decay. What rises in a spiritual body will be of another substance, and not subject to natural biology.

And this is how I call myself a Christian, and so also most of the mainstream Christians in the world.

... that's it, noddy

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Sorcerer botches baptism

And last but not least, Mr Salvation, you are viewing the scripture one way, and I am viewing the same words another way.

Yes. Salvation Seeker is reading the words GOD caused to be written. You are making up whatever you happen to like and then saying "What is, ain't, and what ain't is, because that's what 'I' want them to be."

GOD doesn't play that. I am VERY afraid that you are going to be taking the "E" ticket ride to the coal cellar.

[SalvationSeeker]

Re: Sorcerer botches baptism

And last but not least, Mr Salvation, you are viewing the scripture one way, and I am viewing the same words another way.

Yeah, we do.
I take the whole Bible into consideration, you only take the parts you care about into consideration.

If Jesus' actual physical body came to life again, it would have been corrupt biologically, and starting to fester. God gave him a new heavenly one, and that's the one seen by Mary and the disciples; what they were seeing and touching was a spirit body, and God could have made it possible for their senses to know Him.

You still don't get it, do you?
Why do you INSIST that Jesus body was imperfect?
Why would a perfect body deacy (and only after three days!) answer me that!

What dies in the natural flesh will decay. What rises in a spiritual body will be of another substance, and not subject to natural biology.

But as John 1:14 PROVES, His flesh isn't natural flesh.
Can't you read?

And this is how I call myself a Christian, and so also most of the mainstream Christians in the world.

... that's it, noddy

So you call yourself a Christian because you ignore scripture: I see.
And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?
Luke 6:46