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  • Pastor Al E Pistle
    Christ's Cōnsiliārius
     
    • Sep 2006
    • 9323

    #1

    World War III already?

    THIS IS IT! Get ready. GOD IS NOT HAPPY! GET THOSE MONEY ORDERS AND PAYPAL TRANSFERS TO ME NOW, NOW, NOW!

    This may be the last week before the fires of HELL consume the earth and Ellen DeGenerate gets her dog IGGY back!

    California is almost gone, there are only a few isolated Baptist churches left.

    The Turkish Prime Minister throws down the gauntlet: "Turkish Prime Mininster Recep Tayyip Erdogan stated that “Our anger is great. We have the decisiveness to act on these events in cold blood, and so we are determined.”

    President Bush demands another 42 BILLION from Congress for this week alone to pay Blackwater mercenaries to kill the rest of the ragheads.

    WAKE UP, PEOPLE! THE END IS NEAR! I MUST EVACUATE TO MY SECRET SHELTER NEAR CANUCKISTAN TO MEET WITH JESUS! SEND ALL YOUR MONEY! YOU WON'T BE NEEDING IT!
    Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
    "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
    Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


  • Pastor Al E Pistle
    Christ's Cōnsiliārius
     
    • Sep 2006
    • 9323

    #2
    SUPERBUG KILLS THOUSANDS! GOVERNMENT COVERUP!

    U.S. health experts seek to calm schools over superbug!


    WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The headlines are disturbing -- schools closing for disinfection, a 17-year-old dead from a drug-resistant "superbug." But health officials said on Friday it is no new emergency and the best way to deal with the bacteria is simply to BARRICADE YOURSELVES INSIDE YOUR HOMES!

    The pandemic is spreading faster than the California wildfire. People are dropping dead on the street! THE FLESH-EATING VIRUS IS LOOSE!
    Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
    "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
    Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


    Comment

    • Pastor Al E Pistle
      Christ's Cōnsiliārius
       
      • Sep 2006
      • 9323

      #3
      Philadelphia! Ugliest people in America!

      PHILADELPHIA (Reuters) - Philadelphia is home to the least attractive people in the United States, a survey of visitors and residents showed on Friday. "God they are ugly" quoted the President after a recent trip to point out that the Liberty Bell is "Just a piece of metal".
      The city of more than 1.5 million people was also found to be among the least stylish, least active, least friendly and least worldly, according to the "America's Favorite Cities" survey by Travel & Leisure magazine and CNN Headline News.
      About 60,000 people responded to the online survey -- at www.travelandleisure.com -- which ranked 25 cities in categories including shopping, food, culture, and cityscape, said Amy Farley, senior editor at the magazine.
      For unattractiveness, Philadelphia just beat out Washington DC and Dallas/Fort Worth for the bottom spot. Miami and San Diego are home to the most attractive people, the poll found.
      But Farley pointed out the results don't mean people in Philadelphia are ugly or the city is a bad place to visit.
      "We were asking people to vote on attractiveness, not unattractiveness. Travel & Leisure editors believe there are a lot of attractive people in Philadelphia," she said.
      "The relative attractiveness of its residents is only a minuscule factor in evaluating a city's merit."
      Philadelphians' self-esteem has been undermined by national surveys showing they are among the fattest people in the United States. The American Obesity Association ranked the city in the top 10 for overweight people every year between 2000 and 2005.
      And sporting pride in a city known for the fierce loyalty of its fans has been hurt by not having had a national champion in any of its four main sports since the 76ers won the National Basketball Association title in 1983.
      Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
      "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
      Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


      Comment

      • Pastor Al E Pistle
        Christ's Cōnsiliārius
         
        • Sep 2006
        • 9323

        #4
        White House to Iraq: Do something

        The United States has stressed to the Turkish, Iraqi and Kurdish leadership that the cross-border attacks by the outlawed Kurdish Workers Party, or PKK, must stop.


        "We want the Iraqi government to take swift action to stop the activity of the PKK," White House spokesman Tony Fratto said.

        Fratto doesn't mention that, since the US invaded Iraq, destroyed it's army and is now hiring mercenaries to kill Iraqi civilians, there is sod-all Iraq can do. The Iraqi Prime Minister can't even walk to the bathroom without someone tossing a bomb at him.


        The US is expected to invade Turkey within hours by calling up additional troops from the cadet corps of America's military schools.
        Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
        "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
        Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


        Comment

        • Pastor Al E Pistle
          Christ's Cōnsiliārius
           
          • Sep 2006
          • 9323

          #5
          Democrats fiddle while San Diego burns.

          Despite desperate please from Republican disaster officials, now being bussed to San Diego from their previous work in New Orleans by the lowest bidder, Líneas Unidas, Demoncrats are still unaware that most of the southwestern United States is on fire.

          "California isn't a Democrat stronghold" said Speaker Nancy Pelosi. "I'm sure we'll hear something on FOX news. Excuse me, I have a violin lesson."
          Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
          "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
          Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


          Comment

          • Pastor Isaac Peters
            Senior Pastor
            Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™
            Always Biblically correct
            True Christian™
            • Sep 2006
            • 10639

            #6
            Re: SUPERBUG KILLS THOUSANDS! GOVERNMENT COVERUP!

            Originally posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
            U.S. health experts seek to calm schools over superbug!


            WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The headlines are disturbing -- schools closing for disinfection, a 17-year-old dead from a drug-resistant "superbug." But health officials said on Friday it is no new emergency and the best way to deal with the bacteria is simply to BARRICADE YOURSELVES INSIDE YOUR HOMES!

            The pandemic is spreading faster than the California wildfire. People are dropping dead on the street! THE FLESH-EATING VIRUS IS LOOSE!
            One truly revolting aspect is that the evil-utionists have stooped to using drug-resistant superbugs as an excuse to push their monkey-worship on us. Yes, they're now that desperate.
            This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

            Questions to ask liberal "Christians"Things that the Bible doesn't sayTolerance

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            Comment

            • Jeb Stuart Thurmond
              Didn't write the Bible, just obeys it
               
              • Jun 2007
              • 6572

              #7
              Re: SUPERBUG KILLS THOUSANDS! GOVERNMENT COVERUP!

              WE ARE LIVING THE LAST DAYS! Look, the seas are turning to blood, starting with the fountains in New Sodom (Rome, lair of the Catholic Cult)



              Originally posted by Pastor Isaac Peters View Post
              One truly revolting aspect is that the evil-utionists have stooped to using drug-resistant superbugs as an excuse to push their monkey-worship on us. Yes, they're now that desperate.
              And also, the Gore-istas are probably lining up to claim that the fires in California and the dryest season ever in history there are somehow connected in some sort of conspiracy, and that global warming is in on the conspiracy as well.

              And what's with Turkey thinking it has the right to just go and invade Iraq? You can't just go and invade counties!

              And it's not like the rebels in their bases in Iraq have actually done that much to Turkey, at least nothing compared to the horrible things that iraq did to us to make us invade. Or the nasty things Panama did. And Grenada. And Nicaragua. Pretty much all of Latin America.
              Last edited by Jeb Stuart Thurmond; 10-23-2007, 04:20 AM.
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              Comment

              • Pastor Isaac Peters
                Senior Pastor
                Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™
                Always Biblically correct
                True Christian™
                • Sep 2006
                • 10639

                #8
                Re: CALIFORNIA BURNS! TURKEY INVADES IRAQ!

                By setting Californication on fire, God has poured out His wrath on a liberal "Christian" church. Still scoffing, unbelievers? Turn or burn!
                This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

                Questions to ask liberal "Christians"Things that the Bible doesn't sayTolerance

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                Comment

                • H. Montague Worthington
                  True Christian™ Entrepreneur
                  True Christian™
                  • Sep 2006
                  • 2716

                  #9
                  Re: CALIFORNIA BURNS! TURKEY INVADES IRAQ!

                  When rains finally come to drought-striken Atlanta, which is down to a 90-day supply of drinking water, I expect them to be in the form of frogs.

                  Comment

                  • Pastor Isaac Peters
                    Senior Pastor
                    Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™
                    Always Biblically correct
                    True Christian™
                    • Sep 2006
                    • 10639

                    #10
                    Re: CALIFORNIA BURNS! TURKEY INVADES IRAQ!

                    Originally posted by H. Montague Worthington View Post
                    When rains finally come to drought-striken Atlanta, which is down to a 90-day supply of drinking water, I expect them to be in the form of frogs.
                    That will be fitting for the city too busy to hate the same things God hates.
                    This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

                    Questions to ask liberal "Christians"Things that the Bible doesn't sayTolerance

                    sigpic

                    Comment

                    • Pastor Ezekiel
                      Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                       
                      • Sep 2006
                      • 78555

                      #11
                      Re: CALIFORNIA BURNS! TURKEY INVADES IRAQ!

                      Originally posted by H. Montague Worthington View Post
                      When rains finally come to drought-striken Atlanta, which is down to a 90-day supply of drinking water, I expect them to be in the form of frogs.
                      If not fire, Brother Monty. Have you seen THIS latest attempt by Atlanta to spit in Christ's face?

                      Dalai Lama Becomes Emory Professor

                      ATLANTA (AP) — The Dalai Lama was formally installed as a professor at Emory University on Monday as Tibetan monks wearing moon-shaped yellow hats chanted and played cymbals, gongs and horns.

                      The exiled Tibetan Buddhist spiritual leader, whose face is recognized around the world, now is the bearer of a faculty ID card.

                      "I suspect you will not need to carry this with you for identification, but in any case, we wanted you to know you are welcome," student Emily Allen said as she handed him the card, a present from the students.

                      In his first speech as a faculty member, the Dalai Lama encouraged his audience of thousands of people to look beyond money and fame for happiness and to use their education for the greater good.

                      "As a professor of this university, I think you should listen to me," the 72-year-old monk and Nobel Peace Prize laureate said.
                      Imagine! A half naked jap gets a job teaching at a secular university in Atlanta, and right away he starts ordering people to obey his every command.

                      We are truly in the End Times. Jesus, I'm packed and ready to go!
                      Who Will Jesus Damn?

                      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                      Comment

                      • WilliamJenningsBryan
                        True Christian™
                         
                        • Jan 2007
                        • 9384

                        #12
                        Re: CALIFORNIA BURNS! TURKEY INVADES IRAQ!

                        This is news to me, I always thought that the Dalai Llama was the victim of some failed animal cloning experiment years ago. Now I see he is the head of some cult that has been elevated to a professor at one of our major universities. It's no wonder that Jesus has sent drought to Atlanta.
                        Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
                        brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
                        ...and get off my lawn
                        sigpic

                        Comment

                        • Andrew Barrick
                          Confirmed Enemy of God
                          BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
                          • Sep 2007
                          • 93

                          #13
                          World War III already?

                          Is it WWIII already? The Ashville Global Report has issued this:

                          Bush warns of WW III if Iran goes nuclear


                          Oct. 18- President Bush issued a stark warning on Oct. 17, bluntly suggesting that if Iran obtained nuclear arms, it could lead to "World War III."

                          At a White House press conference, Bush said he had "told people that if you're interested in avoiding World War III, it seems like you ought to be interested in preventing them from having the knowledge necessary to make a nuclear weapon."

                          Bush's comment was another sign that he did not accept a view stated last month by Gen. John Abizaid, who retired this year as the top US commander in the Middle East. The general said that "there are ways to live with a nuclear Iran."

                          Bush sought in the news conference to make clear that his pressure tactics, including economic sanctions, were aimed at persuading the Iranian people to find new leadership.

                          "The whole strategy is that, you know, at some point in time leaders or responsible folks inside of Iran may get tired of isolation and say, 'This isn't worth it,' and to me it's worth the effort to keep the pressure on this government," Bush said.

                          He added, "My intent is to continue to rally the world, to send a focused signal to the Iranian government that we will continue to work to isolate you in the hopes that at some point somebody else shows up and says it's not worth the isolation."

                          The president was responding to a question about the Russian president, Vladimir Putin, who visited Iran this week and warned the United States against military action there. Before that, in Moscow, Putin said he saw "no evidence" that Iran was trying to acquire nuclear weapons.

                          The president made his remarks on a day when Putin appeared around the world in newspaper photographs standing side by side with Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Bush dismissed any notion that the pictures reflected like-mindedness, saying, "Generally, leaders don't like to be photographed scowling at each other."

                          For the second consecutive news conference, Bush was also adamant in his refusal to discuss an Israeli air attack on a military site in Syria in early September.

                          The day before, Putin's trip to Iran was the first visit by a Kremlin leader since Joseph Stalin in 1943. Putin was met at Tehran's Mehrabad airport by Iran's foreign minister, Manouchehr Mottaki, a privilege not extended to the other visiting leaders.

                          Putin defended Iran's right to develop a civilian nuclear-power program. He said Russia would respect its obligations to provide fuel for the nuclear reactor being built on the Persian Gulf at Bushehr, but said "legal and financial" details needed to be clarified first. The United States appears to have successfully leaned on Russia to hold up the delivery of the fuel to the Bushehr plant, whose start date has been delayed indefinitely.

                          One day before Bush made his "World War III" prediction, Putin had explicitly warned: "We should not even think of making use of force in this region," as Russia joined a declaration by Caspian Sea leaders that warned outside powers against using their territories for launching military action, in a veiled reference to possible US use of Azerbaijan as a staging post.

                          "We are saying that no Caspian nation should offer its territory to third powers for use of force or military aggression against any Caspian state," Putin said.

                          Azerbaijan, a former Soviet republic which has a partnership deal with NATO, has been touted as a potential launching pad for US strikes against Iran after US military commanders inspected its airfields.

                          Ahmadinejad praised the communiqué as "very strong" after it gave explicit backing to Iran's nuclear program. It declared that all signatory nations to the nuclear non-proliferation treaty -- including Iran -- can "carry out research and can use nuclear energy for peaceful means without discrimination." The wording supported Iran's claim that it is being singled out unfairly over its nuclear ambitions, which it insists are peaceful.

                          The next day, Iran shrugged off Bush's warning that its nuclear program could lead to "World War III," saying his remarks only served to show up Washington's failures.

                          Foreign ministry spokesman Mohammad Ali Hosseini said the "war-mongering" policies of neo-conservatives in the United States had reached a dead end and US officials were merely trying to distract attention from this failure.

                          "They are using the idea of war to cover up their domestic policies and try to divert attention from their problems," he said in a statement.

                          Abdol Reza Rahmani Fazli, the deputy head of Iran's supreme national security council, said: "These declarations show the anger of the United States against the success of Iran on the international stage.

                          "The statements by the American president, who claims that Iran is seeking to make an atomic bomb, are part of a psychological war," he added.

                          Rahmani Fazli also accused Bush of playing down the importance of Putin's visit. Bush was trying to "cover up the information about Putin's visit and minimize the results of this visit," he said.

                          Sources: Agence France-Presse, Guardian (UK), Independent (UK), Los Angeles Times, New York Times, USA Today. Compiled by Eamon Martin (AGR)
                          We're in the end times! Hit the rapture bunkers!

                          Comment

                          • Brother Temperance
                            Senior Usher
                            True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
                            A very nice young man
                            True Christian™
                            • Sep 2006
                            • 15621

                            #14
                            Re: World War III already?

                            Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                            If not fire, Brother Monty. Have you seen THIS latest attempt by Atlanta to spit in Christ's face?

                            Imagine! A half naked jap gets a job teaching at a secular university in Atlanta, and right away he starts ordering people to obey his every command.
                            I don't get it.
                            The Dalai Lama was formally installed as a professor at Emory University on Monday as Tibetan monks wearing moon-shaped yellow hats chanted and played cymbals, gongs and horns.
                            What's with the moon-shaped hats? Were they Muslim monks or something?
                            O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                            God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

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