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  • #1

    New Technique for Saving Kids, Fake Kiddnapping

    On the one hand I was so happy to read about this innovative technique for converting heathen kids. On the other, I was outraged local officials had arrested a youth pastor for doing the Lord's work.

    Whenever Christians come up with a good idea for saving kids, it seems like Satan has found a way to have authorities put a stop to it.

    Youth Pastor, Church Charged in Fake Kidnapping
    http://www.christianpost.com/news/youth-pastor-church-charged-in-fake-kidnapping-79045/
    A youth pastor and his church in Pennsylvania were charged Friday for conducting a fake kidnap situation with a group of young students
    Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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  • #2
    Re: New Technique for Saving Kids, Fake Kiddnapping

    Originally posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
    On the one hand I was so happy to read about this innovative technique for converting heathen kids. On the other, I was outraged local officials had arrested a youth pastor for doing the Lord's work.

    Whenever Christians come up with a good idea for saving kids, it seems like Satan has found a way to have authorities put a stop to it.
    That's because they hate Jesus, of course.
    Bible boring? Nonsense!
    Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
    You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: New Technique for Saving Kids, Fake Kiddnapping

      Gosh I've done that dozens of times. Most of them go on to become stalwart members of my True Christian(tm) Youth Corps.

      Who Will Jesus Damn?

      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: New Technique for Saving Kids, Fake Kiddnapping

        Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
        Gosh I've done that dozens of times. Most of them go on to become stalwart members of my True Christian™ Youth Corps.

        Why are you among a bunch of Asians on that picture?

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: New Technique for Saving Kids, Fake Kiddnapping

          Originally posted by I am a bum View Post
          Why are you among a bunch of Asians on that picture?
          Because I spend a goodly amount of time over in the ornamental countries Preaching the Good News about Jesus to the slants.

          And why are you still here? I thought I banned you a few days ago.
          Who Will Jesus Damn?

          Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

          Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

          Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: New Technique for Saving Kids, Fake Kiddnapping

            Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
            Gosh I've done that dozens of times. Most of them go on to become stalwart members of my True Christian™ Youth Corps.

            Keep up the good work, Pastor! Although I have no doubt you will. Do you have any tips for the "kidnapping"? Here it couldn't harm either to learn the youths more about Jesus, but it is a bit crowded here, so it couldn't harm to perfect the techniques.
            By the way, I know you have your perfectly good reasons, but some of those girls look a bit slutty? Has that to do something with showing them that some people persecute True Christians for their religion?
            II Kings 2:23-24: 23And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head. 24And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: New Technique for Saving Kids, Fake Kiddnapping

              Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
              Gosh I've done that dozens of times. Most of them go on to become stalwart members of my True Christian™ Youth Corps.

              Nice tie!
              "Samaria shall become desolate; for she hath rebelled against her God: they shall fall by the sword: their infants shall be dashed in pieces, and their women with child shall be ripped up." (Hosea 13:16)

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: New Technique for Saving Kids, Fake Kiddnapping

                Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                Gosh I've done that dozens of times. Most of them go on to become stalwart members of my True Christian™ Youth Corps.

                Originally posted by Brother Jared View Post
                Nice tie!
                Did he lose a bet or something?

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: New Technique for Saving Kids, Fake Kiddnapping

                  Should've taken the little heathens to Gitmo!

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: New Technique for Saving Kids, Fake Kiddnapping

                    There is always some friendly competition among Christian cities. A lot of places in the Bible Belt think they are more Christian than Freehold.

                    It seems to me we can beat all of them at Christianizing our youth. In other cities, Christian kidnapping for training would probably get us arrested.

                    But, in Freehold, we have a True Christian™, Officer Richards, who sees the value in this work.

                    We can take Pastor Zeke's business model and expand it.
                    Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.

                    Comment

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