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  • #1

    Jesus bakes the Pacific Northwest!

    Finally!

    We in the Midwest have been suffering record heat and drought this year, while the pansies on the Left Coast have been relaxing in cool temperatures in the 70s and (rarely) 80s.

    This weekend, Jesus is giving them a taste of the Hell they will soon call home, with temperatures exceeding 100 degrees F in inland areas!

    How many souls do you think will turn to Jesus thanks to this great event?
    Bible boring? Nonsense!
    Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
    You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Re: Jesus bakes the Pacific Northwest!

    Originally posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
    Finally!

    We in the Midwest have been suffering record heat and drought this year, while the pansies on the Left Coast have been relaxing in cool temperatures in the 70s and (rarely) 80s.

    This weekend, Jesus is giving them a taste of the Hell they will soon call home, with temperatures exceeding 100 degrees F in inland areas!

    How many souls do you think will turn to Jesus thanks to this great event?
    The stench of baked hippies and hairy lezbean cooter cooking in the sun wafting in from Godless Eugene may trigger evacuations all the way to Freehold.

    Who Will Jesus Damn?

    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: Jesus bakes the Pacific Northwest!

      Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
      The stench of baked hippies and hairy lezbean cooter cooking in the sun wafting in from Godless Eugene may trigger evacuations all the way to Freehold.
      I can only imagine. It must smell like day-old fish soaked in patchouli.

      I've never been happier to live in North Salem.
      Bible boring? Nonsense!
      Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
      You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

      Comment

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