Massage pants: clothing for perverts

[Nobar King]

Wearing these pants is a sure ticket to hell:

Velcro Shorts Pamper Your Crotch With Good Vibrations

By Bryan Gardiner April 16, 2008


Every once in a while, some obscure company in China -- in this case, Wenzhou Wonderful Massage Equipment Co., Ltd -- will come out with the exact product you've been dreaming of. For me, that product is massage pants. Nevermind that these pants are clearly shorts, let's take a look at the specs:

• Built-7 group of super vibration massage, a scientific and rational allocation
• Super good feelings
• Ring far infrared heaters, automatic temperature control, safe and reliable
• Soft to touch
• A variety of massage
• Automatic mode
• Self clean
• Automatic regularly work 20 minutes
• High-performance rechargeable batteries for exclusive use, energy, security

Sweet baby Jesus! Fashionable vibrating shorts that heat your crotch in reassuring 20-minute intervals? What more could a blogger ask for, really? Unfortunately, you can only order these breathtaking shorts in bulk -- five hundred pairs, to be precise.

[Larry Lee]

Re: Massage pants: clothing for perverts

You don't mention if the shorts are intended for brothern or sistern. Also not mentioned are any safety features, which might prevent the electrical shorting that would result in the frying of one's privates. Also, any choice of color? fabric? massage type (shiatsu, Swedish or, for the ultimate experience, Rolfing)?

So, I'm perplexed as to what to make of the massage pant, except that I'm very sure Sisters Sue V and M&M would be the first to don a pair under their dresses.

[Nobar King]

Re: Massage pants: clothing for perverts

It's obvious what the intent was for making this item. SUPER GOOD FEELINGS?

[Larry Lee]

Re: Massage pants: clothing for perverts

It's obvious what the intent was for making this item. SUPER GOOD FEELINGS?

I'm sure you're right. Still, let's not forget the wisdom expressed by Paul in his Epistle to the Romans:

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God" (Romans 8:28).

I'm willing to bet that Almighty God could even find a righteous use for Massage Pants, if only He had a volunteer or two from the Church to help Him out.

[Nobar King]

Re: Massage pants: clothing for perverts

I'm sure you're right. Still, let's not forget the wisdom expressed by Paul in his Epistle to the Romans:

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God" (Romans 8:28).

I'm willing to bet that Almighty God could even find a righteous use for Massage Pants, if only He had a volunteer or two from the Church to help Him out.

I've never thought of it that way, that's a very wise observation. Maybe we can request a sample from the company.

[VictoryOS]

Re: Massage pants: clothing for perverts

...five hundred pairs, to be precise.

Why on earth would anyone want or need 500 pairs of these appalling pants??? I wonder what sizes are available.

[SayvedByTheLord]

Re: Massage pants: clothing for perverts

True perverts don't even wear pants

[SUV]

Re: Massage pants: clothing for perverts

....and (Oh.my.GOD.Oh.my.GoD.Oh.my.Gallivatin'.GOD!) I am too sure what these "Men" will be wearing (if anything) beneath them: