Finally Moving Back to Freehold

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

As my work here in Dallas is done (thanks for the help, Alvin Moss!), I am pleased to make my way back to my luxuriously appointed Freehold home. The help has it spotless, and the new sign out front declaring it "Blood of the Lamb Estate" is just marvelous. I can hardly wait to fellowship with you all on Easter Sunday. I'll be holding a welcoming party soon and I just know it will be the event of the spring.


Who can I see about a reserved parking spot at church, and may I assume my seat in the sanctuary has remained reserved for me? I simply cannot and will not abide sitting where I cannot feel Pastor Ezekiel's spittle as he delivers the Word of God.


See you soon!
NRL

[Felicity]

Re: Finally Moving Back to Freehold

Welcome back!

Your seat in the sanctuary has been sold to the highest bidder in accordance with Church regulations. You will no doubt be happy to hear the proceeds have gone to Pastor Ezekiel's new airplane.

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Re: Finally Moving Back to Freehold

Welcome back!

Your seat in the sanctuary has been sold to the highest bidder in accordance with Church regulations. You will no doubt be happy to hear the proceeds have gone to Pastor Ezekiel's new airplane.

DEAREST Sister Felicity,


I am sure that there has been some mistake. Would you kindly just check those little records one more time, honey bunch, and ensure that prior to my entrance Sunday morning that MY specially padded chair is available for my usage? Thanks, darling!


Anticipating your prompt correction of this issue,
NRL


I don't give a rat's behind about Zeke's bloody airplane. I want my CHAIR.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Finally Moving Back to Freehold

Welcome back, Sister Lamb. I checked with the one of the LBC pastors who assured me that because an older member can no longer climb the church stairs and a pew seat is available. LBC knows God does not like cripples. Our church has no accommodations for such people.

Easter is a wonderful time for your return. We can count on Pastor Zeke to deliver a stem-winding sermon. He will tell us Jesus died for our sins but His patience with more sin is growing thin.