A Bird Feeder is Socialism

[Johny Joe Hold]

Every Spring it is my unpleasant duty to ask the good citizens of Freehold to take down their beloved bird feeders. I know you enjoy seeing the birds fly around these devices eating the seeds you have put there for them. But, please think of the message you are sending.

We at Landover Baptist join Jesus in opposition to welfare. When children see you giving birds something for nothing, they get the idea someone else is supposed to feed them the rest of their lives. This is how socialism establishes a political foothold in countries.

On top of that, I receive complaints from our pastors about the noise birds make. When our pastors are on their decks preparing sermons or writing their best selling books, they do not like to be bothered by the constant chatter of these nuisance animals.

Please cooperate with this city-wide effort to eliminate these freeloading pests.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: A Bird Feeder is Socialism

Brother Mr Mayor, Sir, obviously bird-feeders are just dumb. But could the general bird problem be solved by a more relaxed attitude to cats? We all know that cats are the Devil's spawn and that women who harbor cats should be shunned. But they (the cats, not the women) are reliable destroyers of birds, so long as you don't make the mistake of feeding them (again, I mean the cats).

We have a medium-sized colony of feral cats on our property, principally for rodent control in the barns, and I have to say that I haven't seen a live bird anywhere near the garden for years. Even the Great Black-Backed Gull (Larus marinus) is no match for a team of hungry cats. The children agree that picking up the feathers and carcasses is a very small price to pay for being allowed to sleep until after dawn.

Obviously, these bewhiskered brutes are not allowed within 50 yards of the house. The combination of a powerful sprinkler system and boys armed with pellet guns sees to that.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: A Bird Feeder is Socialism

Sister Joanna,


How much longer will your husband make you suffer the perils of Great Britain? Is it possible he can finish his work there by hiring someone to cook and clean for him, allowing you to return to your estate in Freehold? Keeping two residences free of birds has to be tough, especially from afar - although I know you have help tending your modest 31 room home in Iowa.


I would love to be closer to little Hannah and of course the boys. Won't you discuss it with him and see if he has objections to my sending you airfare? It would be for God's glory.


In the meantime, I love your idea of the feral cats being allowed but we would have to pray God's blessings on them so demonic spirits do not infest them and lead souls to satan. It's so easy to fall victim to the wiles of the devil, even pure, humble, blood washed saints like you.


Your friend forever,
BrotherLarry


(Unca BrotherLarry to Hannah)

[James Hutchins]

Re: A Bird Feeder is Socialism

We have bird feeders a the Hutchins Farm, LLC. We use it to attrack all sorts of brightly colored birds. Cardinals, Blue Jays, Northern Red Bishops, Prothonotary warblers and Gouldian finches.

This way they are congregated in a area where stray bullets will not hit the house or barn. We hang them from the rafters of the bunk house where the field nigras hole up. This permits the little Hutchins tykes to learn about firearms.
Isaiah 40:31
31 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

It warms my heart to see the childrens eyes light up in wonder as the gunshot from 10 feet away drops the lifeless body of a brightly colored song bird.
Isaiah 58:14
14 Then shalt thou delight thyself in the Lord; and I will cause thee to ride upon the high places of the earth, and feed thee with the heritage of Jacob thy father: for the mouth of the Lord hath spoken it.

For the rest of the day, the child drags their prize about the yard, occasionally swinging it around and around above their head making believe they are providing the gift of Intelligent Pulling ™ (just as God does).
Psalm 104:3-4
3 Who layeth the beams of his chambers in the waters: who maketh the clouds his chariot: who walketh upon the wings of the wind:
4 Who maketh his angels spirits; his ministers a flaming fire:

[Red Army]

Re: A Bird Feeder is Socialism

Yes, they are.

When I was young, we have planned the invasion of America. While a direct invasion was out of the table, because of the treason by Gorbachov and the vietnamese being such pussies that they did not want to fight outside their country, a more planned invasion was developed.


It started with bird feeders. We knew at some point it would create, not communist, but at least democrats. People would think "what if..." and then, soup kitchens, food stamps, and Obamacare.


So we introduced the first communist bird feeders in the early 50's.


That was the first part, the second was invading Hollywood. And then you had movies like "Footloose" ridiculing a Baptist preacher, and a Baptist town. And "The Karate Kid" with japs beaten up strong, masculine WASP's. I remember those two, it could have been more.


The third communist wave is going on right now. I cannot tell the plans yet. You can figure it out. Hint: Beto O'Rourke is involved.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: A Bird Feeder is Socialism

When I was young, we have planned the invasion of America.

Hint: Beto O'Rourke is involved.

Mr. Army:


You commie pigs are all the same. Have you not figured out by now that America is God's favorite country? The reason you have not taken over is because of the constant vigilance of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He vigilizes over us day and night, walking in the light and the darkness, thwarting any commie attempts to introduce communitism in the land of capitalist abundance.


It's time for you to admit that you're jealous of the American lifestyle - full of joy, opportunity, religious freedom, and, yes - Donald Trump - the same Donald Trump who did NOT collide with you or any other Rushin before he was legitimately elected in 2016.


He will triumph again in 2020. Begone with you, foul commie devil. Jesus will NOT let you win.


BrotherLarry

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: A Bird Feeder is Socialism

I think we could use bird feeders as a teaching tool. A parable.

The attempt to feed birds is like the welfare state. There's a lot of work by people who don't know what they're doing. The assembly instructions get lost. Hammers hit fingers.

Then you get the feeder set up, and the birds are too stupid to notice it. They fly right on by. Why are we trying to help creatures that can't even help themselves?

Then the squirrels and the fat, fat raccoons are the only ones profiting.

When the dumb birds finally figure it out, they mostly fight each other for no reason, scattering seeds on the ground, wasting it.

Then you realize that you could have gotten the same result by simply shooting the birds and using their corpses to feed the raccoons directly. I think the metaphor has broken down at this point. I think.