Teenagers: Please Do Not Fornicate on Church Property

[WWJDnow]

It's high school graduation season again, and that means that we're going to run into more and more teenagers using the Landover Baptist Church campus as their own private bordello over the coming months. To avoid a repeat of last year's incident in which church security had to shoot several randy, trespassing teens, we ask that teenagers stop having sexual intercourse on church property. Jesus is watching you, and so are our security cameras!

We implore all Landover fathers to double-check that their daughters' chastity devices fit snugly and are properly locked.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Teenagers: Please Do Not Fornicate on Church Property

This whole thing called the "prom" is fraught with sin. There is no prom at Freehold Public High School. Why parents from other schools tolerate it is beyond me.

I've given orders to our Freehold PD to train their patrol car spotlights of couples having sex in the grass around Freehold. They are to take pictures which will be sent to parents.

[Tanya Fairywings]

Re: Teenagers: Please Do Not Fornicate on Church Property

This whole thing called the "prom" is fraught with sin. There is no prom at Freehold Public High School. Why parents from other schools tolerate it is beyond me.

Good call. What’s the whole point of proms anyway? Spending the night pulling out weeds sounds more entertaining…

[Roland]

Re: Teenagers: Please Do Not Fornicate on Church Property

Good call. What’s the whole point of proms anyway? Spending the night pulling out weeds sounds more entertaining…

Proms and weed are a good combination I think?

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Teenagers: Please Do Not Fornicate on Church Property

Please stop flirting with Tanya, she is not interested.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Teenagers: Please Do Not Fornicate on Church Property

Good call. What’s the whole point of proms anyway? Spending the night pulling out weeds sounds more entertaining…

I have never attended a "proms" or "school formal" and as a heathen wretch would never attend anything called formal in any case. Mostly we tried to look as much like we'd slept in haystacks for a month where our clothes had been gnawed by goats. Fancy dress was different – there we'd win prizes. As long as we didn't tell anyone we weren't actually wearing costumes.

We would never have gone anywhere near a church. Satan must be very busy in these last days trawling for souls even in church car parks. Gardening is much safer than hanging around in car parks. I have a couple of these coming on quite well now.

[handmaiden]

Re: Teenagers: Please Do Not Fornicate on Church Property

Stoning people for fornication would put an end to this problem. That's all I am saying.