How to Submit

[doreen]

A good Christian woman must submit to her husband. But often times that's easier said than done. I'm always exhausted at the end of my day, but that's no excuse to avoid performing my duty as a wife.

Here are my tips to make this task go more smoothly.

If I just go limp just like a ragdoll, then Pastor can position my legs however he wants, and then he seems to get a lot less angry and frustrated.

I've noticed that if I watch Kirk Cameron videos like "Left Behind" beforehand, I seem to have a bit more moisture down there, and Pastor has an easier time with the "in unto" part. I really hope Pastor will get me the "Fireproof" DVD for Christmas.

Other than that, my only tip is to lie still, close my eyes, and think about Heaven. I bet there's lots of flowers. It's all over before I know it.

Do any other ladies have any other tips to share?

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: How to Submit

If he will help around the house a bit, you won't be so tired, and will be more likely to be in the mood for sex.

Fantasizing (even if it's about Kirk Cameron ) always helps generate ******* moisture and makes things more pleasant for both parties.
Even better would be for your husband to give you a bit of ********. Kind words, soft, gentle touches, and skillful use of **** and ****** on sensitive places do wonders for a woman's moisture level.
You could also suggest that your husband use a bit of K-Y or a few drops of Astro-Glide if you're too dry.
Responding, rather than going limp will also make it more enjoyable for both of you. You might even find that you look forward to sex, instead of dreading it.

[Ebenezer Wright]

Re: How to Submit

husband to give you a bit of ********. Kind words, soft, gentle touches, and skillful use of **** and ****** on sensitive places do wonders for a woman's moisture level.
You could also suggest that your husband use a bit of K-Y or a few drops of Astro-Glide if you're too dry.

If you are too dry the Lord obviously doesn't want you having intercouse. (or at least not enjoying it)

I know for a fact there is nothing in the Bible about buying Satanic products to shove up there!

What do you think they did back in Bible times? Run over to the nearest Camel-Mart to buy products to make their intercourse more enjoyable?? I don't think so... Intercourse is just for making babies.

[Jean Poole]

Re: How to Submit

You might even find that you look forward to sex, instead of dreading it.

Pastor Billy-Reuben's wife is a LADY. Ladies don't enjoy "relations". It is very unseemly to do so.

Doreen, another tip is that you could take drugs. Muscle relaxants, I think they are called. This stops your sinly body from making moves to attempt to stop submitting. My husband sometimes drugs my tea to surprise me!

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: How to Submit

If you are too dry the Lord obviously doesn't want you having intercouse. (or at least not enjoying it)

I know for a fact there is nothing in the Bible about buying Satanic products to shove up there!

What do you think they did back in Bible times? Run over to the nearest Camel-Mart to buy products to make their intercourse more enjoyable?? I don't think so... Intercourse is just for making babies.

In Biblical times, there was olive oil and saliva.

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: How to Submit

Pastor Billy-Reuben's wife is a LADY. Ladies don't enjoy "relations". It is very unseemly to do so.

If you're not enjoying it, either one or both of you isn't doing it right.

[doreen]

Re: How to Submit

Responding, rather than going limp will also make it more enjoyable for both of you. You might even find that you look forward to sex, instead of dreading it.

I don't mean to be rude, but I am not interested in the opinions of whores.

[doreen]

Re: How to Submit

Doreen, another tip is that you could take drugs. Muscle relaxants, I think they are called. This stops your sinly body from making moves to attempt to stop submitting. My husband sometimes drugs my tea to surprise me!

Back when Pastor and I first got married, he used to give me something he called "roofies". It was wonderful. I was knocked out cold and the next morning I had no idea what he had done with me the night before.

But we stopped using them because I was always so out of it the next day and I couldn't get all my housework and yardwork done. How are the muscle relaxants? I would love to find something like the roofies but without the groggy feeling the next day.

[Jean Poole]

Re: How to Submit

We use a special kind called "A Lady's Chore Womanly Pills". They wear off after a couple of hours, allowing you to do a full day's work the next day! They were created specially by Landover Creation Scientists, and can be bought from the Gift Shop.

[Ebenezer Wright]

Re: How to Submit

They were created specially by Landover Creation Scientists, and can be bought from the Gift Shop.

With a permission note from your husband of course!

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: How to Submit

While I don't approve of ladies drinking in general, it is possible to cook many foods in wine and whiskey. As a scrupulous cook, you will need to taste your sauces and marinades frequently, to get the seasonings just right. Always keep such a marinade in the fridge (NOT the freezer, it could take too long) and when you see your husband looking at you "in that way", suggest a romantic dinner, first.

Then, head for the bowl.

[Don Bozo el Guapo]

Re: How to Submit

In Biblical times, there was olive oil and saliva.

These days we have duct tape and hand guns.

[Osambo 08]

Re: How to Submit

I'm assuming a condom is a satanic product as well.

When he returns from work,you can pretend that you are the teacher and he is your young student.Or,when he is showering,you can discreetly enter the bathtub and start playing with each other's sexy parts.

[Jean Poole]

Re: How to Submit

With a permission note from your husband of course!

That is a given, of course, Mr. Wright. My husband approves all purchases in this household.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: How to Submit

When Pastor Zeke and I have our Honeymoon night I plan on laying there as still as I can, holding my breath with a sheet between us with a little hole cut out you know where so he can have access.

I just hope it doesn't last too long.