No more freeloaders on Freehold park benches!

[Bjorn Jensen]

Are you tired of seeing homeless slobs from nearby towns sleeping on the park benches in our beautiful Christian city, or just freeloaders in general sitting there enjoying the day on OUR tax dollars to the park management? Are WE supposed to pay for these park benches' maintenance if WE don't use them!?

This is America, a nation founded on the Christian values of capitalism and small Government. These problems are no more! Thanks to this recently being brought up with the Freehold Park Management, we now have these brand new park benches that were installed yesterday with a pay-and-sit system, to lower the spikes for 1 hour between 7 AM and 11 PM you have to insert $1, 2 minutes before they are raised again it starts beeping so you can insert more coins if you want to sit longer. $10 per hour between 11 PM and 7 AM. And because of this, there is a new tax cut starting next month to look forward to!

[Cranky Old Man]

I am old. I have to sit a lot. Now I have to pay for that?

Clearly, Jesus wants me to suffer some more before He kills me.

Will I become gay if I fall asleep on the bench and don't hear the beep?

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

I'm really torn on this issue because on the one hand I love the fact that freeloading poor people will be stopped from having things the rest of us pay for. Fresh air, parks, ownership of planet Earth, free parking in the town center, etc. But on the other hand, the punishment must fit the crime. Maybe it would be better to double the enforcement penalties and see if that solves the problem.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Are you tired of seeing homeless slobs from nearby towns sleeping on the park benches in our beautiful Christian city, or just freeloaders in general sitting there enjoying the day on OUR tax dollars to the park management? Are WE supposed to pay for these park benches' maintenance if WE don't use them!?

This is America, a nation founded on the Christian values of capitalism and small Government.

Thank you, Brother Bjorn, for mentioning that problem. Freehold City Government will soon have these bums gainfully employed. It turns out the Trump campaign needs people to wear MAGA hats, shirts and carry sandwich boards with the message, God Bless Trump. They will be dumped off each morning at intersections across the metro to wave and smile at drivers. The hope is they will become Trump loving productive citizens.