"Abundance Democrats" want abundance of SIN! 6 Reasons GOD IS A NIMBY!

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

The "Abundance Democrats" have published their manifesto, and it is abundant with sinfulness. They claim that NIMBY (Not In My Backyard) policy from the 1970's is obsolete now: "one generation’s solutions have become the next generation’s problems." If people start thinking this way, next they'll be saying the policy from the Bible is obsolete just because it's not the bronze age anymore.

According to a better book, THE BIBLE, the solutions of a hundred generations ago are also this generations solutions. Here are 5 reasons GOD IS A NIMBY:

1. Getting a house in heaven isn't easy

God’s celestial estates are exclusive: your odds of getting in are 1 in 3,000,000. And if do get in, paying the rent means paying everything you have and everything you ever will have.

And why should America be any different? Heaven is basically America but with nothing but golf courses from sea to shining sea. Do you think heaven would continue to be nice if He allowed hordes of Canadian refugees to come in and build igloos everywhere?

2. Donald Trump is the world's biggest Karen. The Don has promised to “save the suburbs.”

Trump warned that Biden would "destroy your neighborhood" by allowing low-income housing in suburban areas.

“Why would [Karens] vote for Biden and the Democrats when Democrat run cities are now rampant with crime... which could easily spread to the suburbs, and they will reconstitute, on steroids, their low income suburbs plan!” --Donald "Keren" Trump on X

“[Karens] will be voting for me. They want safety & are thrilled that I ended the long running program where low income housing would invade their neighborhood,” --Donald "Keren" Trump on X

3. It's hard to conquer a slum

For America to keep out the riff-raff, we not only need to build the wall higher, we need to make housing prices higher too. In warfare, this is called a "scorched earth" strategy. For example, when Napoleon tried to immigrate to Russia, the Russians burned their houses, so Napoleon's troops froze as they tried to sleep outside.

"Maybe we should self-deport."

The Russian peasants also froze outside, but that's their own fault for getting soft and decadent from indoor living. Living indoors turns you into a soyboy. Homelessness will turn our boys into men.

4. GOD is the best urban planner

Just as MAGA Republicans object to any development that might “ruin the character” of our small-town backyards, God’s creation is an ordered masterpiece. Why try to thwart the will of God when every speck of dust in the world is already in its rightful place? If God wanted there to be cheap housing everywhere, He would have made more caves.

5. Spheres Of Influence are a good idea.

Powerful people should be allowed to take things that are close to them. This is why Ukraine belongs to Russia, and Greenland belongs to America. Similarly, if someone a mile away wants to build a doghouse, you should be able to stop them, since they are building it within your sphere of influence. This is property rights 101: what's yours is mine.

6. The only thing worse than a taco truck on every corner is a permanent brick-and-mortar taco restaurant on every corner.

And not just tacos, there will be Chinese batburgers and Italian stallion-sausages and who knows what else. At least taco trucks can self-deport.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Thank you for that insight into God and Christian living. Neighborhoods, the first one, give us confidence that when we True Christians^tm say we don't want poor people or inferior races living near us we are pleasing God.

[Cranky Old Man]

I am getting too old for this. I grew up with figglemugs, fiddlesticks and the cat’s pajamas. Never in my life did I head about NIMBY. A NIMBY sounds like one of those useless Japanese toys they use to lure innocent children into eternal damnation. I cannot wait for the day Jesus finally kills me. Thank you, Jeb Stuart Thurmond, for teaching this ancient man something new.

This is what I imagine a NIMBY to look like:

[Johny Joe Hold]

Here's the thing. Our Bible warns us against sin. It says Satan will tempt us. Any city, state or nation should help its citizens by not allowing temptations. If a homer wants to move into the neighborhood, NO. The same with beautiful women of other races. The less temptation the less sin.