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  • Turd Blossom's New Book is Out!

    Praise Jesus! The book you've all been waiting for has finally been released, and autographed copies will be available after Sunday Services until supplies run out. Brother Karl Rove, or Brother Turd Blossom as we all know him, has penned his best book yet, and I know you're all dying to read it.

    Let me give you just a sample.

    Karl Rove's partisan bloodlust flowered early. At age 9 -- and already a political nerd -- he became a spirited supporter of Richard Nixon in the 1960 presidential smackdown against John F. Kennedy. So intense was his devotion that he landed a coveted Nixon bumper sticker and displayed it proudly on his bicycle basket -- until a little girl in his neighborhood who favored JFK beat the stuffing out of him, bloodying his nose and ego. "I've never liked losing a political fight since," Rove writes in his memoir, "Courage and Consequence."
    I'd like to track that little feminazi liberal down and give her a medal, because without her bitchslapping him like that, Brother Rove might not have turned out to be the shining example of White Christian Neo Conservatory that he is today.

    Happy reading, Brothers and sisters!

    Oh, and it also turns out his dad was a queer.
    Who Will Jesus Damn?

    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

  • #2
    Re: Turd Blossom's New Book is Out!

    Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
    Oh, and it also turns out his dad was a queer.
    No wonder he hates them so. His father probably molested him. You know how they are; homos are so sex-driven that they can't keep their hands off the little children. That's why they get married and have kids, so they can have some at home instead of having to go drive around in the church van and pick them up.

    That's why they shouldn't be allowed to be teachers. Or in health care, because they'll spend all their time doing "hernia checks".
    Bible boring? Nonsense!
    Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
    You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Turd Blossom's New Book is Out!

      Ooooh! Brother "Turd Blossom"! Been filling up on the Home-made, Biblically-Correct DUNGBREAD, has he?

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