[Mistress Cookie]

Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes?

From the Desk of
MISTRESS COOKIE
Chairlady of Purity Ball Committees


RE: Venue and Attendee Eligibility

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All is not lost however. From time to time, we have run auctions to the Benefit of worthy causes (like to pay sister BTB's legal bills from that unfortunate Hell-o-ween fiasco). We normally run these late in the evening, after the dinner is done and many snifters of courvoisier have been consumed. This tends to open wallets and the bidding can get quite steamy. It is not uncommon to see winning bids in the tens of thousands. A pretty sizable amount of money can be accumulated in a evening. Sister BTB's auction netted close to $300,000.
So if we do this, can I suggest renting out the grand ballroom at the Landover Westin?

Wow...what a lovely room. I was going to wear a gold dress this year (so the girls could find me in the crowd) and that would sure make an excellent backdrop!

It's funny you should mention auctions, because in the past the committee's talked about using the evening as a benefit to fund purity reconstruction on some of Landover's fallen daughters. The Pastors have vigorously oppossed this in the past, though, calling it "false advertising" etc. But in my heart of hearts I still think it's a worthy cause whose time will come.

How many of the Hutchins girls will you be bringing this year?

[James Hutchins]

Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes?

I am glad you liked my ideas, Miss Cookie. You would look smashing in Gold though the twinkle in your eye always outshines the more precious of metals.

I do not like the idea of auctioning off my daughters. They need to find a good honest True Christian(tm) to have the shekels to allow the girls to cook and clean. I do not have a problem having the girls all do a bake off and offer slices of of hot juicy award winning pie as a teaser for the future husbands. I suppose we could offer to rent napkins or something to clean up and not sully the Lords Word.

Well, I will not bring the little ones, they fall asleep by 7, so it will be any one of them between the ages of 5 and 17. I check with Mrs. Hutchins to see how many and which ones it is, I can't keep track myself and anyways, they tend to stay in the kitchen.

[James Dewitt]

Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes?

Brother Hutchins, it could be that there might be a way to raise some funds, other than a bake sale. I might be able to pick some of the young ladies up as interns for the summer. In that way I could help with the financial aspects of the event.
Mistress Cookie has informed me that I will not be able to attend unless I am accompanied by a Christian Girl with proven purity. Is it possible that one of your nieces might be able to attend the function with me? YIC James

[Lycia The Repentant]

Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes?

The thing there, though, is the child must be 100% "pure", if you get where I'm going with this. (I don't want to be too explicit.) And Old Man Hatchet usually works the door and organizes his own purity tests. It is very difficult to fool him. And believe me, some have tried!

Well, this looks like a lovely event, Sister. I truly hope it works out for the best.

Now, due to what I assume was a small clerical oversight (no need to worry about it, we're all friends here), I have not received an invitation to the ball or any requests from the menfolk to act as a surrogate daughter for the evening, Sister Cookie. However, I will not be able to attend anyways, and since I know you were expecting to see all of Landover's unwedded True Christian(tm) ladies there (since we are all pure as seen in 1 John 1:7), I merely did not want you to worry when you did not see me that evening.

Just because I won't be there doesn't mean I don't hope you all have a wonderful evening though.

Your's in Christ (since I have been cleansed of all sin in His blood),

Lycia

EDIT: I'm not sure how that angry emoticon snuck into my post. It must have been some sort of computer virus or something. Please don't pay it any attention.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes?

From the Desk of
MISTRESS COOKIE
Chairlady of Purity Ball Committees

RE: Unseemly Outburst (from the Prayer Shack?)

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Well, this looks like a lovely event, Sister. I truly hope it works out for the best....Just because I won't be there doesn't mean I don't hope you all have a wonderful evening though. Lycia EDIT: I'm not sure how that angry emoticon snuck into my post. It must have been some sort of computer virus or something. Please don't pay it any attention.

My dearest Sister in Christ:

As a lauded Executive Secretary/Assistant yourself, surely you are aware of just how far in advance gala events such as these are planned.

Had you read the entire thread (which I am sure Brother James has kept you too busy with your multitasks to do, not your fault) you would have immediately grasped that this particular event is in its very earliest planning stages.

We do not have a theme for this year's Purity Ball yet, let alone a venue, and how can we send out invitations when we do not even have a place to invite people to?

I wonder if a rereading of your above post might help you grasp how your words just could make the casual observer/hasty reader suspect that you are not entirely 100% behind this time-honored Freehold event? I would hate to think that were the case.

Nevertheless, I welcome you to join the Purity Ball Committee. On the off chance that you have not been adopted by one of our Male Elders by June, it will give you entry to help make sure all goes smoothly as we work/police the evening. It will also put you at the very forefront of shaping this exciting, venerable event, which dates back to at least 2006.

Yours in True Christian™ Love - - - - Your, Cookie
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[James Hutchins]

Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes?

Brother Hutchins, it could be that there might be a way to raise some funds, other than a bake sale. I might be able to pick some of the young ladies up as interns for the summer. In that way I could help with the financial aspects of the event.
Mistress Cookie has informed me that I will not be able to attend unless I am accompanied by a Christian Girl with proven purity. Is it possible that one of your nieces might be able to attend the function with me? YIC James

It has to be a father/daughter dance, as I understand it. I'll have to consult my Bible and a Pastor to see if there is a work around. I seem to recall something about being able to have a daughter through servitude.
If so, your interns, having worked for nothing over the summer, are indebted to you. I bet Rev. Osborne knows for sure.
If he agrees at one of your interns suits the bill, you will have to have the intern closely inspected for purity being you have not be able to supervise her entire life.
Not to worry, as long as we follow the Bible, we can do no wrong.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes?

Brother Hutchins, it could be that there might be a way to raise some funds, other than a bake sale.

Yes, this is a brilliant idea. Call me.

brother james, Lycia is on the warpath about you not inviting her to the purity ball even though we don't know the date and she's no one's daughter please call her, or it sounds from her post she might be in the prayer shack. I'm having bobby-joe encode this. and yes lunch is fine whenever you get here but please see to Lycia first or she might "forget" to make the restaurant reservation.

[James Hutchins]

Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes?

I just got off the phone with Pastor Bathfire. He feels any man blessed with all sons should never be denied a night of relaxation. Therefore a surrogate daughter sounds fine. Again, her purity must be verified by an independent expert source. I would like to suggest we have a screening room for surrogates at the ball and that some of the father s accept this arduous task. I have already placed my name on the list, as well as Rev. Osborne, Mr. Dewitt and The Honorable HTannor.

As an added plus, since these surrogates are not directly related to a male member, they may dine at the Landover Mens Club

Again, any Landover married man who has no daughter living at the time of the ball may use a surrogate. For example, a man whose wife has died and no daughters exist, a man whose wife has run off with an abo, a man whose wife has only blessed him with sons, a man whose daughter died that very afternoon all qualify. Additionally, if a mans daughter has married, he also qualifies for a surrogate. I will ask that all surrogates be under the age of 20. If your daughter is unmarried and over 20, I have to ask, what is wrong with her?

[James Dewitt]

Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes?

Yes, this is a brilliant idea. Call me.

brother james, Lycia is on the warpath about you not inviting her to the purity ball even though we don't know the date and she's no one's daughter please call her, or it sounds from her post she might be in the prayer shack. I'm having bobby-joe encode this. and yes lunch is fine whenever you get here but please see to Lycia first or she might "forget" to make the restaurant reservation.

I am sorry that I have not called you, Rev Jim and I where a bit busy at the beach today preaching to well, scantily clothed females.

I just got off the phone with Pastor Bathfire. He feels any man blessed with all sons should never be denied a night of relaxation. Therefore a surrogate daughter sounds fine. Again, her purity must be verified by an independent expert source. I would like to suggest we have a screening room for surrogates at the ball and that some of the father s accept this arduous task. I have already placed my name on the list, as well as Rev. Osborne, Mr. Dewitt and The Honorable HTannor.

As an added plus, since these surrogates are not directly related to a male member, they may dine at the Landover Mens Club

Again, any Landover married man who has no daughter living at the time of the ball may use a surrogate. For example, a man whose wife has died and no daughters exist, a man whose wife has run off with an abo, a man whose wife has only blessed him with sons, a man whose daughter died that very afternoon all qualify. Additionally, if a mans daughter has married, he also qualifies for a surrogate. I will ask that all surrogates be under the age of 20. If your daughter is unmarried and over 20, I have to ask, what is wrong with her?

Well in that case I will ask Lycia to attend that gala with me. She is a Born Again Christian therefore her virginity is intact. As a gift to all the upstanding members of Landover Baptist Church, I will pick up the tab.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes?

Well in that case I will ask Lycia to attend that gala with me. She is a Born Again Christian therefore her virginity is intact.

Lycia is indeed a treasure. I received the sweetest note from her, apologizing for her rash post.

This vision of Young Christian Womanhood is a beacon of light for all the Purity Ball stands for, and I hope she will agree to be our keynote speaker at the ball.

I wrote back:

Of course, Little One, all is forgiven. You know we "elders" (shudder) must sometimes take a firm hand with the "younger generation" when sacred topics such as the Freehold Fathers Day Purity Ball even APPEAR to be challenged with the merest BREATH of disrespect. Everyone is so proud of how far you have come, Lycia, and so pleased you are now clasped deep in the bosom of Freehold. You are a sweet, obedient child, your Redemption™ one of our True Christian™ Victories. Please don't let the incident trouble you further; we shall speak no more of it. And trust me, you'll be going to the ball one way or another, I can guarantee you that No child left behind.

(Now I'm getting a little teary!)

[James Dewitt]

Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes?

Lycia is indeed a treasure. I received the sweetest note from her, apologizing for her rash post.

This vision of Young Christian Womanhood is a beacon of light for all the Purity Ball stands for, and I hope she will agree to be our keynote speaker at the ball.

I wrote back:

Of course, Little One, all is forgiven. You know we "elders" (shudder) must sometimes take a firm hand with the "younger generation" when sacred topics such as the Freehold Fathers Day Purity Ball even APPEAR to be challenged with the merest BREATH of disrespect. Everyone is so proud of how far you have come, Lycia, and so pleased you are now clasped deep in the bosom of Freehold. You are a sweet, obedient child, your Redemption™ one of our True Christian™ Victories. Please don't let the incident trouble you further; we shall speak no more of it. And trust me, you'll be going to the ball one way or another, I can guarantee you that No child left behind.

(Now I'm getting a little teary!)

Gosh darn it Mistress, now ya got me all red eyed and misty.

Could you talk to Lycia, I went out to her menstra last night and told her that I will take her to the Ball. She did not answer me at all. I even told her that I will fly her to Paris to get a new dress. I think she is mad at me. That reminds me would you like to accompany us, there is a new Gold La may dress in your future?

[Lycia The Repentant]

Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes?

Lycia is indeed a treasure. I received the sweetest note from her, apologizing for her rash post.

This vision of Young Christian Womanhood is a beacon of light for all the Purity Ball stands for, and I hope she will agree to be our keynote speaker at the ball.

Please Sister, you're making me blush.

A keynote speaker? Well, I am certainly honored Sister, but I really don't know if I want to bore the menfolk with my blathering on. Surely there must be somebody more eloquent than me. Have you asked Mayor Hold if he'd be interested in speaking at the event? Perhaps Judge HTannor? Possibly Rev. Jim?

On a side-note, Sister, I have recently formed an organization dedicated to fighting fornication and pre-marital sex. Perhaps you would allow us to have a small recruitment table at the entrance to the Ball?

Could you talk to Lycia, I went out to her menstra last night and told her that I will take her to the Ball. She did not answer me at all. I even told her that I will fly her to Paris to get a new dress. I think she is mad at me. That reminds me would you like to accompany us, there is a new Gold La may dress in your future?

Were you using the intercom, Brother? I think there might be a problem with it, I've been trying to get Lupe up here all day! At first I thought it was just because she was being lazy, but since I did not hear you through it maybe she wasn't just being shiftless.

Brother, I would be honored to act as your surrogate daughter. You've already been like a father to me since I got the job as your personal assistant.

[Christ's Cheerleader]

Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes?

My daddy is in jail for shooting that nigra boy who came by our house. He said he was trying to sell magazines to make money for college, but daddy knew he wanted to rape me or mama. I just turned 18 a few weeks ago. If my pastor will let me, I'm sure I could get to Freehold for Father's day since so many nice pastor's don't have daughters to go with.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes?

There was a mention of prizes. I wonder whether in the spirit of Australian/American co-operation an agricultural theme might be appropriate (for one of the prizes)?

We are advancing all the time here in farm technology, and I could ship one of our locally made tractors if desired.

But if not, that's OK, too.

[James Hutchins]

Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes?

................ As a gift to all the upstanding members of Landover Baptist Church, I will pick up the tab.

James, I already arranged the auction, placed the deposit on the items to be auctioned and purchased the clothes they are to wear. I think we should have the auction anyways, perhaps use the proceeds for a worthy cause, like to cover the bar tab.