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  • #1

    EVENT: Supersoaker Baptism Trip to NYC!

    Dear Friends,

    Lock and load your Supersoaker Aquapack Devestators(tm), Landover Baptist is heading to NYC's mass transit system! Yes, it's time for us to commit some involuntary baptism where it's needed most. All during the month of February, LBC will be christening heathens (whether they like it or not) all over the filthiest city to blight the American landscape. Any repeat-action watergun can be used, although spray range of 45 feet and aqua load of 50 ozs is ideal -- you want to get the whole subway car Saved®. Obviously, water alone does not salvation make, so we'll work in teams to plaster the system with Biblical literature. Our pilot program on the Cedar Rapids bus line to the Lindale Mall suggests a strong response to this sort of "shock and awe" strategy.

    Contact your representative on the Platinum Tithers Club to arrange for airfare and (should need arise) expert Jewish legal representation. This is an incursion into hostile territory -- a Crusade -- so let's stick together and win some souls for Christ.

    Yours in Him,
    BAB
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Re: EVENT: Supersoaker Baptism Trip to NYC!

    Primed and ready Brother BAB.

    Maybe our Godly Troops out in Iraqistan would be able to use this method to Baptize a few Mudslimes?
    We may not convert too many but It'll be the first wash they've had for years

    Click image for larger version Name: supersoakerusa.jpg Views: 2 Size: 39.3 KB ID: 1902685

    Sister Talitha

    Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


    HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
    being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41


    Comment

    • #3
      Re: EVENT: Supersoaker Baptism Trip to NYC!

      You know, this puts me of a mind to recall those golden summer days when I was a boy growing up in Freehold. The other pastor's sons and I would lay in wait at the edge of Picaninnie Bridge for unsuspecting negroes, grab them, and toss them into Injun Squaw River, shouting "Do you renounce satan and all his works, boy?" And then we'd laugh and laugh, feeling like we were little soldiers for Christ.


      There really wasn't enough water in there to baptize anyone properly, so the coons would land with quite a splat.....Ah memories.
      Who Will Jesus Damn?

      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: EVENT: Supersoaker Baptism Trip to NYC!

        Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
        "Do you renounce satan and all his works, boy?"
        That's the Catholic form.

        Also, I thought involuntary baptism was invalid (At least it is in our church nowadays)!
        ACTS 5:29
        But Peter and the apostles said in reply, "We must obey God rather than men."
        There you have it-so WHAT'S STOPPING YOU COWARDS?

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: EVENT: Supersoaker Baptism Trip to NYC!

          Originally posted by Father Thomas Martin View Post
          That's the Catholic form.

          Also, I thought involuntary baptism was invalid (At least it is in our church nowadays)!
          Oh, we were just boys playing around. No harm done. We did that to plenty of nigras, when we weren't skinny dipping in the river ourselves....



          Oh, wait. I just realized that you are probably touching yourself under your dress while you read about my boyhood exploits. You are sick!

          I'm going to talk to one of our team of high priced joo lawyers about getting in on one of those juicy lawsuits against you and your nazi pope. I feel so violated.
          Who Will Jesus Damn?

          Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

          Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

          Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: EVENT: Supersoaker Baptism Trip to NYC!

            Originally posted by Father Thomas Martin View Post
            That's the Catholic form.

            Also, I thought involuntary baptism was invalid (At least it is in our church nowadays)!
            What, so those newborn babies you dunk in the font as though they were a slice of bawling pizza being dipped in a tub of garlic mayo that the Pope had urinated in volunteer for the experience? Not buying it.
            O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



            God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: EVENT: Supersoaker Baptism Trip to NYC!

              I just noticed on the calendar that the annual Supersoaker Baptism trip to NYC is next week. We still have several open seats on the charter bus and would like to fill them so that we can collect as much money as possible.
              May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: EVENT: Supersoaker Baptism Trip to NYC!

                Oh, what a lovely outing. I would so like to attend. I could pack up ham and cheese sandwiches for the entire bus, and of course, I would be more than willing to provide pie.

                Mary
                Recognition, sorrow, confession, forgiveness, restitution, forsaking the sin.
                The Lord forgives me of my sin.

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: EVENT: Supersoaker Baptism Trip to NYC!

                  Considering this is being done in New York City, the filth capitol of the universe, instead of water, perhaps Bactine or Merthiolate should be used ??



                  Jud 1:15 To execute judgment upon all, and to convince all that are unGodly among them of all their unGodly deeds which they have unGodly committed, and of all their hard [speeches] which unGodly sinners have spoken against him.

                  Comment

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