Public Notice: Polls May Close Early in Freehold

[Johny Joe Hold]

Public Notice: Polls May Close Early in Freehold

This is to notify citizens of your City's plans for election day.

I've decided it best if we separate the voting times of Republicans and Democrats. That way, folks can chat freely about politics and there will be no complaints. This is how the day is planned:

Republicans will vote from 7 AM to 11AM. Democrats will vote after 11 AM.

To insure a voting opportunity for everyone, chartered buses will be cruising Freehold streets until 11 AM. If you are a Republican, hop on one of these and it will take you directly to a polling place and return you home.

If you are a Democrat, you can vote after 11 AM.

I do want to mention, however, we will not wait forever for you Democrats to show up. Poll workers are paid $9.50 an hour. It is not fair to taxpayers to have poll workers doing next to nothing. I may order polls to close early.

All the best to the wonderful citizens of Freehold. Election Day will be a festive time in our City.

Johny Joe Hold, Mayor

[James Hutchins]

Re: Public Notice: Polls May Close Early in Freehold

Mayor Hold, As in past years, I gather there will be no on street or in lot parking within five miles for anyone under a Gold Tither, correct? The last thing any of us want is some Impala driver bumping against a Bentley.

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Public Notice: Polls May Close Early in Freehold

Your Honor, this seems like a pretty fair and balanced policy. Most demoncrats sleep until noon anyway, so it's actually more convenient to them.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Public Notice: Polls May Close Early in Freehold

Your Honor, this seems like a pretty fair and balanced policy. Most demoncrats sleep until noon anyway, so it's actually more convenient to them.

My thinking also, Brother Symth. When you realize Democrats were up all night at Homer Bars, or, atheist poetry readings, it's hard to think they would vote before 11 AM.

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: Public Notice: Polls May Close Early in Freehold

My thinking also, Brother Symth. When you realize Democrats were up all night at Homer Bars, or, atheist poetry readings, it's hard to think they would vote before 11 AM.

Mayor Hold, I'd be happy to help and take Democrat votes by telephone. This would be most convenient for the ones too hungover or too weak from the STDs and AIDS to come to the polls.

Strict confidentiality assured as I punch the cards for them.

In Christ

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Public Notice: Polls May Close Early in Freehold

We at Second Baptist have teamed up with the inner-city churches in Indianapolis to collect ballots the Sunday before Election Day in church, after helping each voter fill in the correct ovals.

We don't want any voters to be confused!