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  • Johny Joe Hold
    Mayor of Freehold
     
    • Feb 2010
    • 12617
    #1

    No Bicycle Lanes in Freehold.

    Spring is upon us in Freehold. With it comes the annual question, "Mayor, why don't we have marked bicycle lanes like other cities?"

    Continuing your City Government's Transparency Program, I'd like to explain why Freehold does not have them.

    Landover Baptist Church has long held God meant for us to get from one place to another using our cars. The pastors often ask from the pulpit, "Why would God have had us invent cars if He wanted us to ride bicycles?" There just is no answer to this question.

    Another argument against bicycle lanes is justice. Drivers pay for streets with their gasoline taxes. Why should they hand over what is theirs to bicycles?

    What really sealed me against bicycle lanes was a bumper sticker I saw. It said, "Bikes Not Bombs". We don't need more bikes, but we do need more bombs to use against the Muslims.

    In summary, I'm against bike lanes for peace-nik liberals.

    Let us all enjoy the blessed Spring here in beautiful Freehold.

    Johny Joe Hold
    Mayor
    Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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    • VictoryOS
      True Christian™ Beauty Queen
       
      • Dec 2007
      • 5388
      #2
      Re: No Bicycle Lanes in Freehold.

      There is absolutely no room at all in Freehold for such a suggestive instrument as a bicycle. The way the rider straddles it and rubs their crotch against the seat, and the sexual motion of the legs as they peddle. It's disgusting really, and it's the mark of the lower classes.

      Jesus never rode a bicycle.
      Let Jesus Christ Wash You Clean
      in 2016

        Comment

        • Ex-soccer player
          True Christian™
          True Christian™
          • Mar 2012
          • 285
          #3
          Re: No Bicycle Lanes in Freehold.

          Originally posted by VictoryOS View Post
          Jesus never rode a bicycle.
          I recommend donkey paths rather than Godless bicycle lanes. HEE HAW! Donkeys would also make the Godly pastors appearance even more Christlike
          Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay; but rather division - Luke 12:51

            Comment

            • James Hutchins
              True Christian™
              Just a Regular Nice Guy
               
              • Jun 2009
              • 29453
              #4
              Re: No Bicycle Lanes in Freehold.

              Jesus never rode a bicycle.
              Bicycles are the cause for many a decent female to loose her purity (as well as autotmatic clothes washers).

              I'll keep my F350 thank you very much where it belongs, on the streets of Freehold, with God riding shotgun.!
              Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
              Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
              Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
              Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
              Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
              Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

                Comment

                • Mary Etheldreda
                  Gushing for Jesus
                   
                  • Sep 2011
                  • 23775
                  #5
                  Re: No Bicycle Lanes in Freehold.

                  Bicycles are naught but tree-hugging liberal propaganda. I know who made the environment and He’s coming back and going to burn it all up. So yes, I drive an SUV.

                  Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

                    Comment

                    • Johny Joe Hold
                      Mayor of Freehold
                       
                      • Feb 2010
                      • 12617
                      #6
                      Re: No Bicycle Lanes in Freehold.

                      Originally posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
                      So yes, I drive an SUV.

                      I happened to notice Sister E, you and Mr. Etheldreda have installed a hefty deer guard on the front of your SUV. I'm not going to ask, but the thought did occur to me that deer guard might also have something to do the bicycles, a "bicycle app" so to speak.
                      Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.

                        Comment

                        • WWJDnow
                          True Christian™
                          True Christian™
                          • Aug 2009
                          • 6312
                          #7
                          Re: No Bicycle Lanes in Freehold.

                          I agree. If you put bike lanes in Freehold, then there won't be space for the designated cherub parking. Wouldn't you feel bad if God decided to ride his cherub down to meet with one of our pastors and He couldn't find a parking place?

                          In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried to my God: and he did hear my voice out of his temple, and my cry did enter into his ears. Then the earth shook and trembled; the foundations of heaven moved and shook, because he was wroth. There went up a smoke out of his nostrils, and fire out of his mouth devoured: coals were kindled by it. He bowed the heavens also, and came down; and darkness was under his feet. And he rode upon a cherub, and did fly: and he was seen upon the wings of the wind. And he made darkness pavilions round about him, dark waters, and thick clouds of the skies. Through the brightness before him were coals of fire kindled. The Lord thundered from heaven... 2 Samuel 22:7-14
                          The Christian Right: The Only Right Way to Be a Christian!

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