The Last Church Closes in Sinful Churchville, Iowa.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Churchville is located down in Warren County, just south of Freehold. I've know the Mayor over in Churchville for several years. Lately, he has been calling to ask if I could help.

Churchville has been known, or course, for its churches. The Lutherans had a church there and the Catlicks had a big operation. Lutherans packed up and left, now the Catlicks are doing the same.

So, the Mayor has this idea Landover Baptist could start up a church there and save the town. Maybe, he has suggested, Freehold could front the money for a Landover Baptist satellite operation and Churchville would pay it back over time.

I told him he could ask Pastor Zeke if he wanted to. But, as far as the City of Freehold's involvement, the answer was no. The town of Churchville is so badly contaminated by Lutherans and Catlicks I hold out no hope. There is so much sin in Churchville the entire town needs to be burned down.

http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2014/08/30/last-church-in-churchville/?intcmp=latestnews

[Attila's Wife]

Re: The Last Church Closes in Sinful Churchville, Iowa.

Mr Mayor, Sir, the people complaining in that article are cathlicks. Churchville is only 2 miles from Martensdale, which has a cathlick church of its own. Can't they walk? A bit of exercise might take some of the lard off those altar boys' posteriors, too, and make them less attractive to the priests.

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Re: The Last Church Closes in Sinful Churchville, Iowa.

Anyone here knows that I am not prone to spreading gossip, but it just so happens that Mother plays bridge with a couple of ladies from Churchville every other Wednesday down at the family room of Kate's Kitchen, a rustic diner that has seen better days.

Well, Mother said that one of them, a Jeanine McPatrick, said they didn't like Baptists because we don't acknowledge the importance of purgatory, the Blessed Virgin, and the sacrament of confession. The other one, Josephina Gonzales del Marcos Santa Clara, agreed and said, "Those Baptists are one reason why I never shop anywhere but here in Churchville."

Mother bit her tongue, but prayed for them secretly (she also ended up winning the game, Praise God) and left tracts in each of their purses. I am wary of even our Godly Pastor trying to save such vile people. Christ forgive me if I am wrong, but isn't there a limit to how far we need to extend Christian love? I'm going to go pray over it.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: The Last Church Closes in Sinful Churchville, Iowa.

Mother bit her tongue, but prayed for them secretly (she also ended up winning the game, Praise God) and left tracts in each of their purses. I am wary of even our Godly Pastor trying to save such vile people. Christ forgive me if I am wrong, but isn't there a limit to how far we need to extend Christian love? I'm going to go pray over it.

Thank you, Sister Naomi Ruth, for that inside information about the sinful living in Churchville.

What I'm fearful of is that homers from around the world will see the headlines, No Church in Churchville, and will descend on the town like vultures. With no gospel message to hold them back, Churchville will see homers dancing naked in the streets like they do San Francisco.

[VictoryOS]

Re: The Last Church Closes in Sinful Churchville, Iowa.

Thank you, Sister Naomi Ruth, for that inside information about the sinful living in Churchville.

What I'm fearful of is that homers from around the world will see the headlines, No Church in Churchville, and will descend on the town like vultures. With no gospel message to hold them back, Churchville will see homers dancing naked in the streets like they do San Francisco.

Mayor Hold, that is very observant of you. Maybe it would be good though, since then all the homers will be in one place...

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: The Last Church Closes in Sinful Churchville, Iowa.

Mayor Hold, that is very observant of you. Maybe it would be good though, since then all the homers will be in one place...

But what if they were to start calling Churchville an Art Colony? I have never counted, how many direct roads are connecting our Town? They will have to be patrolled.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: The Last Church Closes in Sinful Churchville, Iowa.

This worries me too. All we need is a hippie colony setting up camp that close to Freehold. They love to take abandoned churches and convert them into orgy rooms, abortion clinics, and communes.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: The Last Church Closes in Sinful Churchville, Iowa.

But what if they were to start calling Churchville an Art Colony? I have never counted, how many direct roads are connecting our Town? They will have to be patrolled.

Yes, homers love art colonies. Then they come into our area and try to sell their portraits of nudes.

Another issue in a homer town are lesbians who dress in overalls and raise vegetables. You can see some of them now in the Des Moines Farmers Market. The only meat they sell is rabbit.

http://desmoinesfarmersmarket.com/

[VictoryOS]

Re: The Last Church Closes in Sinful Churchville, Iowa.

It's good to have them all confined to one spot so they can be easily avoided. If all the lesbians are at the Des Moines Farmer's Market, then I'll be sure not to start making it a habit to go there. Is that the one located on Court Avenue? I believe it operates Saturdays until noon? I'll be sure to avoid that location at those times. Thank you.

[Ex-soccer player]

Re: The Last Church Closes in Sinful Churchville, Iowa.

Maybe it would be good though, since then all the homers will be in one place...

Good point. It's easier to remove one pile of shit than to clean a room where the shit is spread all over the place.

It must be a mischievous pleasure for satan that he controls a place named "churchville" But we know that in the end he will be the greatest loser, along with his "church"ville footmen.

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Re: The Last Church Closes in Sinful Churchville, Iowa.

I used Pastor Zeke's private jet to attend a Pie Maker's Labor Day Convention in ungodly San Francisco today (sorry, pastor - next time I'll ask first). At several locations I saw these flyers on the ground: (Printed on bright lavender and pink paper)

"Are You Looking for a Future Elsewhere?"
CHURCHVILLE AWAITS!

What better place to further the gay agenda that we have thus far been able to keep secret from "them?" Only a few theists remain - but they're leaving in droves. This means the town is wide open for gay bars, new age bookstores, flower shops, coffee and internet bars, more flower shops, hair salons, and for the ladies, auto repair shops! How do YOU get in on the ground floor? Simply call me! I am a realtor in the totally godless town of Churchville - and I WANT TO HELP YOU! Call me today!

Below that appears a photo of an obviously homosexual man along with his phone number. We should target this man's business, but we should also begin to pray and fast about this. I had barely enough time to attend the convention so I can fly back home (thanks, Zeke) and share this with you.

The realtor's name is Skip Wingate. Anyone heard of him?

[Thomas Helwys]

Re: The Last Church Closes in Sinful Churchville, Iowa.

This worries me too. All we need is a hippie colony setting up camp that close to Freehold. They love to take abandoned churches and convert them into orgy rooms, abortion clinics, and communes.

Pastor I hear they have turned one into a gay sex club! Or maybe it was a catholyck church. I've never been able to tell the difference

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: The Last Church Closes in Sinful Churchville, Iowa.

This worries me too. All we need is a hippie colony setting up camp that close to Freehold. They love to take abandoned churches and convert them into orgy rooms, abortion clinics, and communes.

I looked at all windows of the former churches. Not one single new owner allowed a window with a Jesus picture to remain. I suppose all of them were smashed.

That is blasphemy.

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: The Last Church Closes in Sinful Churchville, Iowa.

Mr. Mayor,
As I have never lived in a integrated community, catyliks or joos, I am not familiar with their pagan ways but on my few drives thru Churchville it was evident there were few noted menses huts near any of the better homes. Do they send their women out of town during their week of uncleanleness? I know most folk prefer them at the end of the garden but all the way out of town....Have they even read Leviticus 15:19?

The other thing I wondered about these pagan ring kissers they don't have any unusual zoning laws that might stop good Christian families from buying up the property. Could it be zoned for a Walmart and maybe a Christian retirement community? You know a couple of well kept trailer parks where the aged and infirm can go to peacefully await the rapture. There is still money to be made in assisted communities.Especially ones with ample parking for easy in and out visits with our elders on their birthdays.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: The Last Church Closes in Sinful Churchville, Iowa.

Mr. Mayor,
As I have never lived in a integrated community, catyliks or joos, I am not familiar with their pagan ways but on my few drives thru Churchville it was evident there were few noted menses huts near any of the better homes. Do they send their women out of town during their week of uncleanleness? I know most folk prefer them at the end of the garden but all the way out of town....Have they even read Leviticus 15:19?

The other thing I wondered about these pagan ring kissers they don't have any unusual zoning laws that might stop good Christian families from buying up the property. Could it be zoned for a Walmart and maybe a Christian retirement community? You know a couple of well kept trailer parks where the aged and infirm can go to peacefully await the rapture. There is still money to be made in assisted communities.Especially ones with ample parking for easy in and out visits with our elders on their birthdays.

Brother Davis--You bring up a couple of good points. I'm afraid I don't know the answers to your questions.

I asked the Mayor of Churchville what the town does about the unclean time for women. He was very evasive. It's like something is going on in Churchville he does not want to discuss.

On big box stores, it puzzles why Hobby Lobby is not already in a town with the name, Churchville. No churches, no Hobby Lobby, it all makes for a mystery.

I'm beginning to suspect homers quietly moved into Churchville and that is why churches have left. I'd hate to think they would change the name of the town to Homerville, but with no moral standards of any kind, I would not rule it out.