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The Equifax Breach: Do NOT Be Concerned!
As you know, over 140 million people were affected by the breach of data records held by Equifax, one of the three major credit reporting bureaus. I am here with good news: True Christians™ should not worry about this - not even for a second!
First of all, we should not be using credit anyway. The Bible tells us to owe no man (Romans 13:8). Our pastor, Ezekiel Flint, would have had his long sought-after airplane by now if he didn't follow the Word of God. But Brother Zeke listens to his BFF Jesus Christ, and won't even buy a TV on credit! His 180" surround sound smart 4k Sony was paid for by the congregation outright. His home theatre, featuring a crisp 8000mm screen and seating 200, was paid for by the congregation. Glory! God will bless Zeke for listening to the words of the Lord's guidebook to life.
Next, we are told NOT TO WORRY (Matthew 6:25-34). If God says it, I believe it, and that settles it! Did Joseph get a payday loan when Christ was born? No! He was blessed with gold at the baby shower. He trusted in GOD, and GOD saw his need. God knew Joseph and his family would need cash to run away to Egypt when Herod starting slaying every kid with a swinging - um - member. Take THAT, Herod!
I am told that Equifax is secretly operated by ISIS anyway
! I cannot prove that, but it stands to reason. Oh, brothers and sisters, what a GOD we serve. I call upon those of you who have broken God's commandments to repent of this sin and give all the money that you would have used for payments to creditors to Pastor Ezekiel TODAY. The day of judgment is nigh and NOW is the day of Salvation (2 Corinthians 6:2).
First of all, we should not be using credit anyway. The Bible tells us to owe no man (Romans 13:8). Our pastor, Ezekiel Flint, would have had his long sought-after airplane by now if he didn't follow the Word of God. But Brother Zeke listens to his BFF Jesus Christ, and won't even buy a TV on credit! His 180" surround sound smart 4k Sony was paid for by the congregation outright. His home theatre, featuring a crisp 8000mm screen and seating 200, was paid for by the congregation. Glory! God will bless Zeke for listening to the words of the Lord's guidebook to life.
Next, we are told NOT TO WORRY (Matthew 6:25-34). If God says it, I believe it, and that settles it! Did Joseph get a payday loan when Christ was born? No! He was blessed with gold at the baby shower. He trusted in GOD, and GOD saw his need. God knew Joseph and his family would need cash to run away to Egypt when Herod starting slaying every kid with a swinging - um - member. Take THAT, Herod!
I am told that Equifax is secretly operated by ISIS anyway
! I cannot prove that, but it stands to reason. Oh, brothers and sisters, what a GOD we serve. I call upon those of you who have broken God's commandments to repent of this sin and give all the money that you would have used for payments to creditors to Pastor Ezekiel TODAY. The day of judgment is nigh and NOW is the day of Salvation (2 Corinthians 6:2).
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