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  • #1

    Real Estate Opportunity: Mission to England

    It has come to my attention that there are some bargains to be had in London, and I was wondering if we could profit from these investment opportunities? I know that our Mission to England is sadly short of space, especially when Pastor Zeke and his lithe young companions honor us with a visit.

    The good news is that The Bishops Avenue, the most exclusive address in North London, is full of vacant property. The houses were mostly bought as bolt-holes by hellbound desert-dwellers and the like who typically let them fall into disrepair (when they had done roasting goats in the living room) and then hightailed it back to sandier climes. As a result, some of them need a little cosmetic work:



    This could well be an opportunity for Landover Baptist to get a foothold at the top end of the London market, ready for the next big A-rab incursion. We could then sell them at an inflated price. Even better, we could refuse to sell them, which would be one in the eye for those Mooselmen!

    The Bishops Avenue no longer has anything to do with bishops - though I would be keen to argue with the local council for a change of name to The Pastors Avenue or even (dare I suggest it?) Ezekiel Flint Drive. It is conveniently located between Hampstead Golf Course and Highgate Golf Course.

    YiC
    AW
    2 Timothy 3:16

    All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:


    Tags: london, real estate
  • #2
    Re: Real Estate Opportunity: Mission to England

    Mrs. Hun,

    If I were to invest in this idea, would you be willing to handle the transactions for me? Since I will not be moving to Freehold, I have to use the money I received from sale of stock quickly, lest I be forced to pay millions in income tax. Keep me posted, and please give my best to your family.

    NRL
    1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
    Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
    Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
    Locations in 50 States and Canada
    !Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
    Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
    Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: Real Estate Opportunity: Mission to England

      Sorry to be so slow getting back to you, Sister. I've been up in London looking at a few of these properties and having a word with the local planning committee about what could be done to get them up to standard.

      You didn't say how much you were looking to invest - I should probably have asked that first.

      Luke 14:28
      For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?

      So, I started at the top end of the market with Heath Hall, on the market at 65 million of our pounds - that's around $105 million and change in real money. It seemed okay and it's worth looking at the full brochure, but the real estate agent's description says:

      Heath Hall is a fine example of Edwardian architecture drawing on the Classical, Arts & Crafts and Scottish Bronial styles
      Obviously any house with Scottish Brony connections is right out.

      Isaiah 13:21
      But wild beasts of the desert shall lie there; And their houses shall be full of doleful creatures;
      And owls shall dwell there,
      And satyrs shall dance there.

      I had to take a shower immediately I got back to my hotel, for fear of having caught something.

      For less than a third of the price - around $30 million - you get this.

      I was very excited about it (I just love a bargain! ) but when I got there it wasn't the house pictured, it was this!



      And I wasn't allowed in, because it's derelict. Turns out that the photo's just a computer-generated image of the house they have permission to build in its place. So you would have to pay for it to be built, and for the old place to be demolished. On the other hand, if you want something with a bit more va-va-voom, then for a small consideration the planning committee will pretty much let you build what you like.

      This one is a little on the small side, and built too close to the house next door. The agents are affectionately known to Londoners as Fuxtons, probably something to do with the first half of
      Proverbs 12:22
      Lying lips are abomination to the Lord:
      But they that deal truly are his delight.

      They said the seller is prepared to throw in the living-room furnishings. They might go well in your parents' new condo?

      Right at the bottom of the market, at $7 million, we have this rather poky place. You can tell the sort of person this is aimed at by the agent's comment that it is:

      well located for all local amenities including East Finchley Station (Northern Line)
      Yeah, right, like you are going to need to travel on the London Underground!

      1 Samuel 2:7
      The Lord maketh poor, and maketh rich:
      He bringeth low, and lifteth up.

      GLORY!

      Let me know if there's anything else I can do.
      YiC
      AW
      2 Timothy 3:16

      All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:


      Comment

      • #4
        Re: Real Estate Opportunity: Mission to England

        Mrs. Hun,

        To glorify our GOD, I will wire $110 million USD to your account in Zurich, and I'll let you choose. The men don't seem terribly interested in this opportunity; I suppose we'll have to get this started on our own. A word of advice: I suggest we ensure the funds go for our intended purpose. After the recent scandal involving - well, let's just call him "FM" - we should be cautious as we proceed.

        Yours in our Jesus,
        NRL
        1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
        Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
        Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
        Locations in 50 States and Canada
        !Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
        Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
        Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: Real Estate Opportunity: Mission to England

          Thank you Sister. This is just to let you know that the funds have arrived. I'll be in touch again as soon as there's any progress to report.

          This may take a while, so don't worry if you don't hear from me.

          YiC
          AW
          2 Timothy 3:16

          All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:


          Comment

          • #6
            Re: Real Estate Opportunity: Mission to England

            Originally posted by Attila's Wife View Post
            Thank you Sister. This is just to let you know that the funds have arrived. I'll be in touch again as soon as there's any progress to report.

            This may take a while, so don't worry if you don't hear from me.

            YiC
            AW
            Dearest Mrs. Attila: I heard the voice of the Holy Ghost telling me to reverse the wire transfer I sent to you. If the Holy Ghost says it, I believe it is best since He is the only ghost in which my Mother would allow me to believe.

            Well, it was the Holy Ghost and your apparent purchase of a BMW 7 series in your name that moved me to take this action.

            Lovingly,
            NRL
            1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
            Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
            Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
            Locations in 50 States and Canada
            !Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
            Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
            Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: Real Estate Opportunity: Mission to England

              Originally posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb View Post
              Dearest Mrs. Attila: I heard the voice of the Holy Ghost telling me to reverse the wire transfer I sent to you. If the Holy Ghost says it, I believe it is best since He is the only ghost in which my Mother would allow me to believe.

              Well, it was the Holy Ghost and your apparent purchase of a BMW 7 series in your name that moved me to take this action.
              You have been deceived there, Sister, as I do not have a driving license and could therefore have no use for such a thing. Even if I did, I would certainly not buy a Krautmobile, but rather a good, reliable, American car.

              Good luck with reversing that transfer, though. The Swiss can be difficult about such things, according to my son-in-law who is a senior director of their central bank. We call him the Gnome of Zurich - a reference to his stature and poor dress sense.

              Now he has recently bought a splendid new car, by the way!

              YiC
              AW
              2 Timothy 3:16

              All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:


              Comment

              • #8
                Re: Real Estate Opportunity: Mission to England

                Attila's wife wrote:
                ...Even if I did, I would certainly not buy a Krautmobile, but rather a good, reliable, American car.
                And what about this one...? 500 PS approx. and a car you will always only see the tail of it when you are on the highway...




                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: Real Estate Opportunity: Mission to England

                  I forgot: it's the Panamera Turbo S, price approx. EUR 170,000.-- (in Germany). This isn't money for you!

                  Comment

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