[SalvationSeeker]

Re: Some Godly Advice To The Young Bride

You can't read English?

Well, she *IS* from Canuckistan, brother.
They speak that satanic surrender language; french, there.

[WickedWitch]

Re: Some Godly Advice To The Young Bride

You can't read English?

I can't read Biblical English. I don't see any insrtuctions other than "go and lie down on the floor and take off his shoes". That's it. Then there's a whole bunch of gibberish. The gibberish needs translation.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Some Godly Advice To The Young Bride

I can't read Biblical English. I don't see any insrtuctions other than "go and lie down on the floor and take off his shoes". That's it. Then there's a whole bunch of gibberish. The gibberish needs translation.

If you want something more modern, here's a good Christian marriage contract.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Some Godly Advice To The Young Bride

I have found this delightful little article and I thought it may be somewhat helpful to young and single ladies looking to become a home-maker for a Godly Husband. Some may find this a little strict, but I think that humour can be found in it. You may laugh, or you may take it as serious and sensible advice. It's a bit long, but it's certainly fun to read.

"INSTRUCTION AND ADVICE FOR THE YOUNG BRIDE
on the Conduct and Procedure of the Intimate and Personal Relationships of the Marriage State for the Greater Spiritual Sanctity of this Blessed Sacrament and the Glory of God
by
Ruth Smythers
beloved wife of The Reverend L.D. Smythers
Published in the year of our Lord 1894
Spiritual Guidance Press
New York City

To the sensitive young woman who has had the benefits of proper upbringing, the wedding day is, ironically, both the happiest and most terrifying day of her life. On the positive side, there is the wedding itself, in which the bride is the central attraction in a beautiful and inspiring ceremony, symbolizing her triumph in securing a male to provide for all her needs for the rest of her life. On the negative side, there is the wedding night, during which the bride must pay the piper, so to speak, by facing for the first time the terrible experience of sex.

At this point, dear reader, let me concede one shocking truth. Some young women actually anticipate the wedding night ordeal with curiosity and pleasure! Beware such an attitude! A selfish and sensual husband can easily take advantage of such a bride. One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: GIVE LITTLE, GIVE SELDOM, AND ABOVE ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY. Otherwise what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust.

On the other hand, the bride's terror need not be extreme. While sex is at best revolting and at worse rather painful, it has to be endured, and has been by women since the beginning of time, and is compensated for by the monogamous home and by the children produced through it. It is useless, in most cases, for the bride to prevail upon the groom to forego the sexual initiation. While the ideal husband would be one who would approach his bride only at her request and only for the purpose of begetting offspring, such nobility and unselfishness cannot be expected from the average man.

Most men, if not denied, would demand sex almost every day. The wise bride will permit a maximum of two brief sexual experiences weekly during the first months of marriage. As time goes by she should make every effort to reduce this frequency.

Feigned illness, sleepiness, and headaches are among the wife's best friends in this matter. Arguments, nagging, scolding, and bickering also prove very effective, if used in the late evening about an hour before the husband would normally commence his seduction.

Clever wives are ever on the alert for new and better methods of denying and discouraging the amorous overtures of the husband. A good wife should expect to have reduced sexual contacts to once a week by the end of the first year of marriage and to once a month by the end of the fifth year of marriage.

By their tenth anniversary many wives have managed to complete their child-bearing and have achieved the ultimate goal of terminating all sexual contacts with the husband. By this time she can depend upon his love for the children and social pressures to hold the husband in the home. Just as she should be ever alert to keep the quantity of sex as low as possible, the wise bride will pay equal attention to limiting the kind and degree of sexual contacts. Most men are by nature rather perverted, and if given half a chance, would engage in quite a variety of the most revolting practices. These practices include among others performing the normal act in abnormal positions; mouthing the female body; and offering their own vile bodies to be mouthed in turn.

Nudity, talking about sex, reading stories about sex, viewing photographs and drawings depicting or suggesting sex are the obnoxious habits the male is likely to acquire if permitted.

A wise bride will make it the goal never to allow her husband to see her unclothed body, and never allow him to display his unclothed body to her. Sex, when it cannot be prevented, should be practiced only in total darkness. Many women have found it useful to have thick cotton nightgowns for themselves and pajamas for their husbands. These should be donned in separate rooms. They need not be removed durning the sex act. Thus, a minimum of flesh is exposed.

Once the bride has donned her gown and turned off all the lights, she should lie quietly upon the bed and await her groom. When he comes groping into the room she should make no sound to guide him in her direction, lest he take this as a sign of encouragement. She should let him grope in the dark. There is always the hope that he will stumble and incur some slight injury which she can use as an excuse to deny him sexual access.

When he finds her, the wife should lie as still as possible. Bodily motion on her part could be interpreted as sexual excitement by the optimistic husband.

If he attempts to kiss her on the lips she should turn her head slightly so that the kiss falls harmlessly on her cheek instead. If he attempts to kiss her hand, she should make a fist. If he lifts her gown and attempts to kiss her anyplace else she should quickly pull the gown back in place, spring from the bed, and announce that nature calls her to the toilet. This will generally dampen his desire to kiss in the forbidden territory.

If the husband attempts to seduce her with lascivious talk, the wise wife will suddenly remember some trivial non-sexual question to ask him. Once he answers she should keep the conversation going, no matter how frivolous it may seem at the time.

Eventually, the husband will learn that if he insists on having sexual contact, he must get on with it without amorous embellishment. The wise wife will allow him to pull the gown up no farther than the waist, and only permit him to open the front of his pajamas to thus make connection.

She will be absolutely silent or babble about her housework while his huffing and puffing away. Above all, she will lie perfectly still and never under any circumstances grunt or groan while the act is in progress. As soon as the husband has completed the act, the wise wife will start nagging him about various minor tasks she wishes him to perform on the morrow. Many men obtain a major portion of their sexual satisfaction from the peaceful exhaustion immediately after the act is over. Thus the wife must insure that there is no peace in this period for him to enjoy. Otherwise, he might be encouraged to soon try for more.

One heartening factor for which the wife can be grateful is the fact that the husband's home, school, church, and social environment have been working together all through his life to instill in him a deep sense of guilt in regards to his sexual feelings, so that he comes to the marriage couch apologetically and filled with shame, already half-cowed and subdued. The wise wife seizes upon this advantage and relentlessly pursues her goal first to limit, later to annihilate completely her husband's desire for sexual expression.

copyright 1894 The Madison Institute"

I hope you found this helpful. Good luck, ladies!

I'm sorry but this article is UTTER BLASPHEMY!!!!!!!!

Sex it NOT to be ENJOYED. It is for PROCREATION ONLY!

Additionally, True Christians™ do not follow advice from some Worldy Manaul. They follow only the KJV1611 Bible! GLORY!

Stern, Sister Thumper

[MrsMycroftSmith]

Re: Some Godly Advice To The Young Bride

Does a good Christian woman even need a contract to know that she must do what is expected of her? Personally, the threat of hellfire should be enough to rouse those lazy feminazis off of their tushes and put them in front of the stove, where they should be.

As I was prepared for my wedding, my mother told me to read the book of Ruth, and it was all I ever needed. Now, when my darling Mycroft is performing the unspeakable task needed to make Christian sons, all I have to do is close my eyes and repeat those verses in my head.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: Some Godly Advice To The Young Bride

Damn, you're letting yourself miss out! I never think of sex as for making babies, never!
No wonder xtian ladies are so darn cranky.

[MrsMycroftSmith]

Re: Some Godly Advice To The Young Bride

Mrs. Van Helsing,

Any good CHRIStian woman is never cranky when she is doing what the Lord wishes of her. And I hope that for your sake Mr. Van Helsing never knows you have such thoughts. On second thought, perhaps it would be better if he did, then he could cure you of your demons to make a suitable wife of you.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Some Godly Advice To The Young Bride

Damn, you're letting yourself miss out! I never think of sex as for making babies, never!
No wonder xtian ladies are so darn cranky.

And that's the difference between Christians and pagans: we think that sex is for making babies, you think that babies are for making casseroles.

[Larry Lee]

Re: Some Godly Advice To The Young Bride

If you want something more modern, here's a good Christian marriage contract.

I think there's a lot of practical marriage wisdom contained in that contract, which Sister M&M could put to good use in her new marriage. In fact, I bet Sister wants to just initial every page and present them to her fiancé as a surprise example of the submission she'll be practicing daily, once the two lovebirds get married. Break out your shaver, Sister, and let him know you care!

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: Some Godly Advice To The Young Bride

Mrs. Van Helsing,

Any good CHRIStian woman is never cranky when she is doing what the Lord wishes of her. And I hope that for your sake Mr. Van Helsing never knows you have such thoughts. On second thought, perhaps it would be better if he did, then he could cure you of your demons to make a suitable wife of you.

Heh, he for one has no problem at all with my enjoying sex. I have no problem with it either

And that's the difference between Christians and pagans: we think that sex is for making babies, you think that babies are for making casseroles.

Leave my veal casserole out of this! I'll have you know people LOVE my veal casserole. (Sorry to any vegetarians and vegans here).

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Some Godly Advice To The Young Bride

Leave my veal casserole out of this! I'll have you know people LOVE my veal casserole. (Sorry to any vegetarians and vegans here).

"veal", baby meat in other words.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Some Godly Advice To The Young Bride

(Sorry to any vegetarians and vegans here).

"veal", baby meat in other words.

She should be apologizing to Jesus, not a band of terrorists.

[Warrior of God]

Re: Some Godly Advice To The Young Bride

Dear, dear. I hate to see people taken in so easily. We here at Landover believe in the truth. That's why it pains me to see you people played for suckers. Didn't you stop to think for one second that a True Christian would never even mention this subject, let alone write a paper on it!
look here:

http://www.snopes.com/weddings/newlywed/advice.asp

The Bible gives all we need to know! A woman who goes to her wedding bed knowing what is going to happen has bad parents! Sex education is the I-64 to Hell!

Your words are true.
Anyone reading that vile satire must surely note the manner in which it denegrates men, and disrespects the very gender God set on earth in his own image.
How then can that piece of satanic propoganda be taken seriously.
The contempt it sets upon God's most exalted proves it is falsehood and defamation.

[Warrior of God]

Re: Some Godly Advice To The Young Bride

Damn, you're letting yourself miss out! I never think of sex as for making babies, never!
No wonder xtian ladies are so darn cranky.

If you wish to see Cranky , miss,
I suggest you look at the bib, brace, boot and buzz-cut wearing lezzer-dykes.
Cranky doesn't get any crankier.
They always look ugly and miserable as sin itself.
What more proof need there be that the ungodly know sorrow.
I have never seen a happy looking lezbefriended woman.
They try so hard to appear as men, yet their failure and squallor is painted all over them in the sadness of the uglified faces.

They are also women who never think of sex as for making babies...
Take a fair warning from how they suffer in sin's sorrows.