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Tea Party Minister
Hello Brethren,
As servant of God, I spread the literal word of God as taught in scripture. Years ago, with the click of a mouse, I was ordained by the Universal Life Church and a few minutes later I was ordained on another website by Saint Luke’s Evangelical Christian Ministries. Using God’s internet superhighway, within minutes, I was bestowed with the Holy responsibilities of absolving sins, taking confessions and officiating weddings and funerals in His name.
We must believe that we are so fortunate to have God’s Holy Word to guide us through our lives. We are blind in the darkness and only He can see. I am among the luckiest of us who can speak in tongues and hear the voice of God. My court-mandated psychiatrist would have me believe that “talking gibberish to myself” and “hearing voices” is “schizophrenic behavior,” but I know that the antipsychotic medication Dr. Newman prescribed me was made by the evil pharmaceutical companies who think medicine is better than faith. According to The Holy Bible, only prayer is necessary, because God can heal all our wounds if we truly believe in Him. Foolish people like doctors and psychiatrists are condemned to Hell when they put their faith in unholy sciency books and question the Truth in God’s only book (KJV).
Christianity teaches us that only God can plan our lives. This is comforting because I once wasted God’s time thinking about tomorrow, planning and scheduling, but God has a plan and by planning I was committing arrogant sins against God. My calendar is now open for worship. I will have no scheduling conflicts with the Lord.
The only book in my home is the Holy Bible (KJV). The Holy Bible makes all other literature, especially all scientific literature, obsolete, therefore eliminating the need for any of us to go to attend public schools and fill our minds with sciency lies. Everything we ever need to know is written by God in the Holy Bible.
People have been sinning ever since our great-great-grandparents, Adam and Eve, caused us to be cast out of the Garden of Eden to live miserable, fully-clothed lives. We must be True Christians™, so when Jesus returns, He will forgive our great-great-grandparents and again let us live in the Garden of Eden as nudists in His image.
As a man of God, I live by one bible verse, more than any other. I repeat these Godly words as a constant affirmation of Truth. It’s a bible verse that guides me in all my actions, and every day I recite this simple message to my wife and daughters and all the other women who cross my path:
As servant of God, I spread the literal word of God as taught in scripture. Years ago, with the click of a mouse, I was ordained by the Universal Life Church and a few minutes later I was ordained on another website by Saint Luke’s Evangelical Christian Ministries. Using God’s internet superhighway, within minutes, I was bestowed with the Holy responsibilities of absolving sins, taking confessions and officiating weddings and funerals in His name.
We must believe that we are so fortunate to have God’s Holy Word to guide us through our lives. We are blind in the darkness and only He can see. I am among the luckiest of us who can speak in tongues and hear the voice of God. My court-mandated psychiatrist would have me believe that “talking gibberish to myself” and “hearing voices” is “schizophrenic behavior,” but I know that the antipsychotic medication Dr. Newman prescribed me was made by the evil pharmaceutical companies who think medicine is better than faith. According to The Holy Bible, only prayer is necessary, because God can heal all our wounds if we truly believe in Him. Foolish people like doctors and psychiatrists are condemned to Hell when they put their faith in unholy sciency books and question the Truth in God’s only book (KJV).
Christianity teaches us that only God can plan our lives. This is comforting because I once wasted God’s time thinking about tomorrow, planning and scheduling, but God has a plan and by planning I was committing arrogant sins against God. My calendar is now open for worship. I will have no scheduling conflicts with the Lord.
The only book in my home is the Holy Bible (KJV). The Holy Bible makes all other literature, especially all scientific literature, obsolete, therefore eliminating the need for any of us to go to attend public schools and fill our minds with sciency lies. Everything we ever need to know is written by God in the Holy Bible.
People have been sinning ever since our great-great-grandparents, Adam and Eve, caused us to be cast out of the Garden of Eden to live miserable, fully-clothed lives. We must be True Christians™, so when Jesus returns, He will forgive our great-great-grandparents and again let us live in the Garden of Eden as nudists in His image.
As a man of God, I live by one bible verse, more than any other. I repeat these Godly words as a constant affirmation of Truth. It’s a bible verse that guides me in all my actions, and every day I recite this simple message to my wife and daughters and all the other women who cross my path:
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