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  • #1

    It's Christmas time again!!!

    Lest you think I am some sort of false "Christian" for starting so late in His Season this year, remember: I officially kicked it off on the old board on September 1st!!!

    So who's begun their shopping - and who's began making their Eggnog?!

    I need addresses complete with directions. I'm not a mind reader, people! That is the sort of "new age" thing that will send one to HELL!

    Who's gonna get me a Jesus Thong this year? I wanna know.

    "Don't sit under the Christmas Tree
    With anyone else but me!
    Anyone else but me!
    Anyone else but me!
    Until The Christ comes Staggering (under the weight of His Cross)
    HOOOOOOOME!!!"

    SUV
    Last edited by SUV; 09-16-2006, 03:13 PM. Reason: Could make it better
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  • #2
    SHOUT GLORY!

    I'm so excited Sister Sue. It's the hap-hapiest time of the year!

    I have already ready started some shopping for at least one person but I'm not saying who.

    Say, I wonder if Brother Matt's wife Jean is going to be "Santa's Lil Helper" again this year?



    Gleeful, Sister Thumper
    Last edited by Daisy Mae Johnson; 09-15-2006, 09:16 PM.
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    • #3
      Bless you and Godly Sister 'Mrs. Mike' Sister Thumper! Can you just imagine how Hot vinyl gets, sitting Right next to a lit Christmas Tree?

      I can

      Also, it sours the Eggnog rather quickly when the Tree's all warm and lit with one sitting beside it, sipping Daintily from a Flute.

      Should we simply use glowsticks this year for lighting? (Added bonus: THEY'RE PLASTIC!!!)

      SUV
      Originally posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
      SHOUT GLORY!

      I'm so excited Sister Sue. It's the hap-hapiest time of the year!

      I have already ready started some shopping for at least one person but I'm not saying who.

      Say, I wonder if Brother Matt's wife Jean is going to be "Santa's Lil Helper" again this year?



      Gleeful, Sister Thumper

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Sister Sue Vera View Post
        Can you just imagine how Hot vinyl gets, sitting Right next to a lit Christmas Tree?
        Indeed, which is why I hope you won't be leaving the following vinyl sweltering under your Christmas Angel:


        That's right dear Sue, I am sending you this marvellous collection of tunes ... the names of the bands are a bit modern for my taste, but I'm sure their heart is in a True Christian place. It is obvious "The Chubbies" are concerned with the rise in American obesity, and "The Muffs" are alluding to the cold American Christmas. You know, I had quite the large muff as a girl - in fact, I still have it, but the fur has become a little worn and sparse with age ... so I won't be presenting you with my tatty old muff for Christmas - best you buy new - but I will send you a picture of it. And that's a promise.

        True Christians are Perfect!

        Signs that you belong to a FALSE Christian Church.

        Persecution You Have Endured for CHRIST: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger in Christ.

        For True Christians™ only: please send me Project Habakkuk updates at gertruderogers@landoverbaptist.net. Thank you.

        Comment

        • #5
          Originally posted by Mrs. Rogers View Post

          Oh, GOOD! Finally a use for little girls: Toilet paper dispensers.
          Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
          "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
          Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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          • #6
            THIS is what I'm getting my special someone for God's Birthday. Its called "Eternal Christmas", and is designed to hold and dispense one of God's greatest gifts to Man: GRAVY!
            Who Will Jesus Damn?

            Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

            Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

            Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

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            • #7
              Good Gravy!

              I'm going to fill it up to sloppin' over with that chunky grey Gravy they put on those cathead bisquits at Hardee's. So Sophisticated it will be in that Dainty, Tasteful little server! I only Hope they sell it by the gallon.

              SUV

              Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
              THIS is what I'm getting my special someone for God's Birthday. Its called "Eternal Christmas", and is designed to hold and dispense one of God's greatest gifts to Man: GRAVY!

              Comment

              • #8
                Arts & Crafts: Special Angels

                Of course, I'm not advocating the use of Satan's Cotton Fingers (tampons) but they do come in handy for first aid kits as a compress. And tampons make delightful little angels, which we will talk about today.

                How to Make a Tampon Angel

                1 Remove tampon from suggestive outer casing.
                2 Fluff up cotton material
                3 Use a felt tip marker to color angel's face
                4 Yarn and Elmer's (not my husband but the brand Elmer's) glue for hair.
                5 Add pretty things like glitter and such to make your angel special
                6 Use the handy little string (included) to display your angel (not on a pagan tree).
                7 Say a little prayer to our Lord Jesus Christ to bless your angel and help the angel to keep your family safe.
                Attached Files
                Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.

                Comment

                • #9
                  And here is how to make some wonderfully comfy Christamas slippers from Maxi pads.

                  Be creative!



                  4 Maxi Pads
                  Glue one going crossways over the other
                  Hot glue on Christmasy items and Jesus trinkets

                  ENJOY!!!!!

                  I think I will make all the ladies of Landover some for Christmas!

                  Feeling Artys and Cragty, Sister Thumper
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