I CAUGHT A RETARD! BRING YOUR OWN IMPLIMENTS EXORCISM IN PROGESS!

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

I found it outside the bookstore, I said "want to meet harry potter just get in my car" I CANT BELIEVE IT WORKED!

What do I do? I've never exorcised a demon of retardedness before. THe staff are holding the possession victim down but the demon has inhuman strength and they are tiring. The drool is everywhere!

I'm at undisclosed location #3 PM or email me if you don't know where that is. Ladies are especially needed, their tend to be better at inducing pain compliance, men tend to knock the possessed unconcious. I tried to get the maid to help but the demon overpowered her. She threw up and fainted.

EDIT: she just came to and is cleaning up her vomit right now

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: I CAUGHT A RETARD! BRING YOUR OWN IMPLIMENTS EXORCISM IN PROG

Help! What happened to the Down's Syndrome page on Demonbuster? I can't find it! http://www.demonbuster.com/

[Levi Jones]

Re: I CAUGHT A RETARD! BRING YOUR OWN IMPLIMENTS EXORCISM IN PROG

Brother, is there a pig farm nearby perhaps? Have you asked the demon its name?

Matthew 8:28-32
And when he was come to the other side into the country of the Gergesenes, there met him two possessed with devils, coming out of the tombs, exceeding fierce, so that no man might pass by that way.
And, behold, they cried out, saying, What have we to do with thee, Jesus, thou Son of God? art thou come hither to torment us before the time?
And there was a good way off from them an herd of many swine feeding.
So the devils besought him, saying, If thou cast us out, suffer us to go away into the herd of swine.
And he said unto them, Go. And when they were come out, they went into the herd of swine: and, behold, the whole herd of swine ran violently down a steep place into the sea, and perished in the waters.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: I CAUGHT A RETARD! BRING YOUR OWN IMPLIMENTS EXORCISM IN PROG

The floor is cleaned up now, don't be shy!

Brother, is there a pig farm nearby perhaps?

Like the one outside Vancouver that we used to bring prositutes to Christ?

Have you asked the demon its name?

It just keeps saying "Harry Potter" over and over.

[Robert Jones]

Re: I CAUGHT A RETARD! BRING YOUR OWN IMPLIMENTS EXORCISM IN PROG

Brother, is there a pig farm nearby perhaps? Have you asked the demon its name?

Matthew 8:28-32
And when he was come to the other side into the country of the Gergesenes, there met him two possessed with devils, coming out of the tombs, exceeding fierce, so that no man might pass by that way.
And, behold, they cried out, saying, What have we to do with thee, Jesus, thou Son of God? art thou come hither to torment us before the time?
And there was a good way off from them an herd of many swine feeding.
So the devils besought him, saying, If thou cast us out, suffer us to go away into the herd of swine.
And he said unto them, Go. And when they were come out, they went into the herd of swine: and, behold, the whole herd of swine ran violently down a steep place into the sea, and perished in the waters.

I'm curious. What is the difference between those who are sick and those who have unclean spirits? The Bible does make a distinction.

Acts 5:15-16

15Insomuch that they brought forth the sick into the streets, and laid them on beds and couches, that at the least the shadow of Peter passing by might overshadow some of them. 16There came also a multitude out of the cities round about unto Jerusalem, bringing sick folks, and them which were vexed with unclean spirits: and they were healed every one.



and also, Act 8:6-7


6And the people with one accord gave heed unto those things which Philip spake, hearing and seeing the miracles which he did.
7For unclean spirits, crying with loud voice, came out of many that were possessed with them: and many taken with palsies, and that were lame, were healed.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: I CAUGHT A RETARD! BRING YOUR OWN IMPLIMENTS EXORCISM IN PROG

Bit of a lull now, just like I predicted some idiot knocked it unconcious. Bit of an argument going on, does road salt have the same effect as smelling salts? I guess not, they've stuffed chunks of it up the possession victim's nose and still no signs of conciousness.

I'm curious. What is the difference between those who are sick and those who have unclean spirits? The Bible does make a distinction.

Acts 5:15-16

15Insomuch that they brought forth the sick into the streets, and laid them on beds and couches, that at the least the shadow of Peter passing by might overshadow some of them. 16There came also a multitude out of the cities round about unto Jerusalem, bringing sick folks, and them which were vexed with unclean spirits: and they were healed every one.

and also, Act 8:6-7

6And the people with one accord gave heed unto those things which Philip spake, hearing and seeing the miracles which he did.
7For unclean spirits, crying with loud voice, came out of many that were possessed with them: and many taken with palsies, and that were lame, were healed.

From our point of view, it's a moot point because in either case the solution is the same: spiritual warfare. Both disease and evil spirits are sent by God, and both can only be removed by praising the Lord for testing us:

Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.

Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?

[Levi Jones]

Re: I CAUGHT A RETARD! BRING YOUR OWN IMPLIMENTS EXORCISM IN PROG

I'm curious. What is the difference between those who are sick and those who have unclean spirits? The Bible does make a distinction.

Acts 5:15-16

15Insomuch that they brought forth the sick into the streets, and laid them on beds and couches, that at the least the shadow of Peter passing by might overshadow some of them. 16There came also a multitude out of the cities round about unto Jerusalem, bringing sick folks, and them which were vexed with unclean spirits: and they were healed every one.



and also, Act 8:6-7


6And the people with one accord gave heed unto those things which Philip spake, hearing and seeing the miracles which he did.
7For unclean spirits, crying with loud voice, came out of many that were possessed with them: and many taken with palsies, and that were lame, were healed.

Some people simply need healing from the diseases that have made them sick; others need deliverance from the spirits that have made them sick.

Does that boy have a cold or something? No, obviously not. That leaves demon possession.

[Robert Jones]

Re: I CAUGHT A RETARD! BRING YOUR OWN IMPLIMENTS EXORCISM IN PROG

Bit of a lull now, just like I predicted some idiot knocked it unconcious. Bit of an argument going on, does road salt have the same effect as smelling salts? I guess not, they've stuffed chunks of it up the possession victim's nose and still no signs of conciousness.



From our point of view, it's a moot point because in either case the solution is the same: spiritual warfare. Both disease and evil spirits are sent by God, and both can only be removed by praising the Lord for testing us:

Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.

Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?

Why would God create evil if he cannot tempt. Are the two completely differential things?

James 1:13

Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man.

Or is this simply saying that God creates temptation, but He has chosen not to tempt anyone?

[Levi Jones]

Re: I CAUGHT A RETARD! BRING YOUR OWN IMPLIMENTS EXORCISM IN PROG

Why would God create evil if he cannot tempt. Are the two completely differential things?

James 1:13

Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man.

Or is this simply saying that God creates temptation, but He has chosen not to tempt anyone?

That's why He employs spirits sometimes.

Isaiah 19:14
The LORD hath mingled a perverse spirit in the midst thereof: and they have caused Egypt to err in every work thereof, as a drunken man staggereth in his vomit.

[Brother Alex]

Re: I CAUGHT A RETARD! BRING YOUR OWN IMPLIMENTS EXORCISM IN PROG

I have one retard at home, a mongoloid. I won't forget how hard I beat my wife after giving birth to this demon. We usually keep him down in the basement nowdays so guests won't have to look at him when they visit.

If you know any techniques how to exorcise the evil out of him, let me know. At least the beatings aren't working.

[Nobar King]

Re: I CAUGHT A RETARD! BRING YOUR OWN IMPLIMENTS EXORCISM IN PROG

You want to be safe, brother Jeb, when dealing with evil spirits. Did you tie it up?

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: I CAUGHT A RETARD! BRING YOUR OWN IMPLIMENTS EXORCISM IN PROG

If you know any techniques how to exorcise the evil out of him, let me know. At least the beatings aren't working.

Did you try praying? Matthew 6:6 "But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly." Luke 18:27 "And he said, The things which are impossible with men are possible with God."

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: I CAUGHT A RETARD! BRING YOUR OWN IMPLIMENTS EXORCISM IN PROG

Well, after a long night I closed my eyes for a few winks, and woke up to find it escaped, somehow. Footprints lead into the woods. Maybe it's trying to find hogwarts?

Long story short, get your dogs, it's turned into a man-hunt.

[Dr. Laurie PHD]

Re: I CAUGHT A RETARD! BRING YOUR OWN IMPLIMENTS EXORCISM IN PROG

it's turned into a man-hunt.

I found some strange bones in the woods. Between the old rusted schoolbus and the burnt-out shack Mr. Jones used to live in. They're chewed up good and hard to make heads or tails of - do retards have mutated bones? And just how hungry are the coyotes if they can eat a whole retard so quickly?

[Nathan B. Forrest]

Re: I CAUGHT A RETARD! BRING YOUR OWN IMPLIMENTS EXORCISM IN PROG

Long story short, get your dogs, it's turned into a man-hunt.

I'll saddle up my horse and call the boys out for a good old-fashioned hunt!