Help! I may have AIDS!!!

[Prayer Warrior]

Today seemed like a normal day, I was doing my usual job at the TSA preventing terrorism and such, and that's when I saw it. Two perverted, scantily dressed, repulsive gay men kissing right in our airport! The way I see it, that's incident exposure, assault on our children, and terrorism against the soul of America all wrapped up until one. They're disgusting perversion is just as dangerous as any bomb.

That's when I knew I had to act quickly, so I punched them in the face in order to shield the eyes of the poor children and prevent further emotional scarring. Though in my haste, I forgot to slip on my gloves. I miscalculated exactly how weak these homosexual folk are. So when I punched them they got a concussion or something, I'm not entirely sure but I didn't really check into that further because of a more pressing matter.

Their weak pansy skin tore faster than their boxer shorts after seeing another man's tallywacker in the restroom, resulting in sick, repugnant, vile AIDS blood splattering all over my hands and arms!! I tried frantically washing it off but it may be too late!

I would normally go to my faith healer about these sorts of issues but I just found out the one I regularly go to was recently arrested by liberal thugs for allegedly "scamming" ! What do I do!? Please pray for me.

[Felicity]

Re: Help! I may have AIDS!!!

Why not pray to Jesus to remove it?

[Talitha]

Re: Help! I may have AIDS!!!

Today seemed like a normal day, I was doing my usual job at the TSA preventing terrorism and such, and that's when I saw it. Two perverted, scantily dressed, repulsive gay men kissing right in our airport! The way I see it, that's incident exposure, assault on our children, and terrorism against the soul of America all wrapped up until one. They're disgusting perversion is just as dangerous as any bomb.

That's when I knew I had to act quickly, so I punched them in the face in order to shield the eyes of the poor children and prevent further emotional scarring. Though in my haste, I forgot to slip on my gloves. I miscalculated exactly how weak these homosexual folk are. So when I punched them they got a concussion or something, I'm not entirely sure but I didn't really check into that further because of a more pressing matter.

Their weak pansy skin tore faster than their boxer shorts after seeing another man's tallywacker in the restroom, resulting in sick, repugnant, vile AIDS blood splattering all over my hands and arms!! I tried frantically washing it off but it may be too late!

I would normally go to my faith healer about these sorts of issues but I just found out the one I regularly go to was recently arrested by liberal thugs for allegedly "scamming" ! What do I do!? Please pray for me.

Oh dear Brother.
Do you have any of the AIDS related symptoms such as a sudden need to go and see Judie Garland Movies?
Have you a sudden need to grow a mustache?
Do you feel that you are becoming an atheist?
Any one of these would be bad news Brother and I shall certainly include you in my Prayers.
God Bless.

[John Creeser]

Re: Help! I may have AIDS!!!

I am so sorry you now have the AID. This, of course, means you are no longer welcome in our house.

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: Help! I may have AIDS!!!

I am so sorry you now have the AID. This, of course, means you are no longer welcome in our house.

It is a real shame that such a decent True Christian(tm) should get the AIDS.

I'm hoping for a miracle but I guess I will save a bit on Christmas cards.

YIC

[Des]

Re: Help! I may have AIDS!!!

Oh dear Brother.
Do you have any of the AIDS related symptoms such as a sudden need to go and see Judie Garland Movies?
Have you a sudden need to grow a mustache?
Do you feel that you are becoming an atheist?
Any one of these would be bad news Brother and I shall certainly include you in my Prayers.
God Bless.

Sound and blessed advice. I would also add an aversion to animal meat and a craving of vegetables, the food that food eats. If he gags at the taste of beef jerky or dives into the salad before tackling the medium rare steak, he has the AIDS. The salad test is a method of checking for disease ridden gays. Restaurant salads are ornamental, not meant to be eaten.

Either way, I'm sending him a vial of Holy Blessed City of Jerusalem Anointing Oil. Combined with faith, it should take care of the problem.

Glory onto Him.

[Alexandria Puckett]

Re: Help! I may have AIDS!!!

Well, I'm not entirely sure, but I don't think you can get the AIDS unless their blood mixes with your own. Not completely sure though. You'll be in my prayers though! And make sure to stay in your home away from other True Christians!
I know my advice is a little skimpy, but I wish I could help you more!
But prayers are the best we could ever do, so pray along with us!

[Deaner]

Re: Help! I may have AIDS!!!

Why not pray to Jesus to remove it?

This is my advice. You are a True Christian Brother Warrior. Relax and pray and perhaps put a little extra in the tithing box this Sunday

I am so sorry you now have the AID. This, of course, means you are no longer welcome in our house.

It is a real shame that such a decent True Christian™ should get the AIDS.
I'm hoping for a miracle but I guess I will save a bit on Christmas cards.
YIC

Brothers, let us not be so quick to judge. It is time to pray and show our unconditional love and support for our Brother. He was accosted by disgusting queers and did the right thing by knocking their lights out. The only thing I would have done further is to stomp on their jawbones so much that they would not have another tallywhacker in their mouths for years.

Please my brothers; it is time for prayer. Let us go into the city and smash a mo-mo's face off the curbside in remembrance.

[Pastor Ed Lowman]

Re: Help! I may have AIDS!!!

Today seemed like a normal day, I was doing my usual job at the TSA preventing terrorism and such, and that's when I saw it. Two perverted, scantily dressed, repulsive gay men kissing right in our airport! The way I see it, that's incident exposure, assault on our children, and terrorism against the soul of America all wrapped up until one. They're disgusting perversion is just as dangerous as any bomb.

That's when I knew I had to act quickly, so I punched them in the face in order to shield the eyes of the poor children and prevent further emotional scarring. Though in my haste, I forgot to slip on my gloves. I miscalculated exactly how weak these homosexual folk are. So when I punched them they got a concussion or something, I'm not entirely sure but I didn't really check into that further because of a more pressing matter.

Their weak pansy skin tore faster than their boxer shorts after seeing another man's tallywacker in the restroom, resulting in sick, repugnant, vile AIDS blood splattering all over my hands and arms!! I tried frantically washing it off but it may be too late!

I would normally go to my faith healer about these sorts of issues but I just found out the one I regularly go to was recently arrested by liberal thugs for allegedly "scamming" ! What do I do!? Please pray for me.

PW, it is a terrible thing that has happened to you. It is a sign of the times that smooching butt-pirates can sexually assault our eyes and the general public and no one in any of the local establishments can say or do anything about it.

But you stepped up and you did something about it--Praise God. You are like Phinehaz who rose up to stop the plague by murdering the adulterous (Numbers 25:1-13). I really hope the secular law doesn't come after you for a so-called "hate crime" when you were clearly exhibiting great love for the Lord in cleaning up the mess a lazy world refused to. But first things first...

Begin a more stringent regimen of fasting and prayer. Spend more time than usual in the Psalms:

Psalm 35:1-3: "1. Plead my cause, O Lord, with them that strive with me: fight against them that fight against me. 2. Take hold of shield and buckler, and stand up for mine help. 3. Draw out also the spear, and stop the way against them that persecute me: say unto my soul, I am thy salvation."

We have to believe that God is stronger than the AIDS He created and can remove it from the Godly.

Regards,

Pastor Ed

[John Creeser]

Re: Help! I may have AIDS!!!

Well, I'm not entirely sure, but I don't think you can get the AIDS unless their blood mixes with your own. Not completely sure though.

You can get the AID from simply using a public washroom or shaking hands with a gay person. God meant business when He made this vengeful gay killing virus.

Please my brothers; it is time for prayer. Let us go into the city and smash a mo-mo's face off the curbside in remembrance.

Of course Brother Warrior will be in my prayers, if we all pray hard enough maybe God will realize he's a True Christian(tm) and spare him from turning gay, and becoming a AID spreading instrument of Satan!!!

[Nobar King]

Re: Help! I may have AIDS!!!

This is a sad story and reminds me of the time that I almost got the AIDS.

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: Help! I may have AIDS!!!

This is a sad story and reminds me of the time that I almost got the AIDS.

This is a good point: God saved you from a painful 'the AIDS' related death and excess of noisomeness and you had a closer shave than PW.

Good looks after His own, after all.

Psalm 91:2-3 I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust. Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.

Come to think of it, those losers who actually got the AIDS must be really hated by Jesus

Leviticus 20:23 And ye shall not walk in the manners of the nation, which I cast out before you: for they committed all these things, and therefore I abhorred them.

And to think I used to feel sorry for sick people: I'm so glad I'm a true Christian(tm) and no longer need to

Deuteronomy 28:22 The Lord shall smite thee with a consumption, and with a fever, and with an inflammation, and with an extreme burning, and with the sword, and with blasting, and with mildew; and they shall pursue thee until thou perish.

I love God, I really do.

YIC

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Help! I may have AIDS!!!

Today seemed like a normal day, I was doing my usual job at the TSA preventing terrorism and such, and that's when I saw it. Two perverted, scantily dressed, repulsive gay men kissing right in our airport! The way I see it, that's incident exposure, assault on our children, and terrorism against the soul of America all wrapped up until one. They're disgusting perversion is just as dangerous as any bomb.

That's when I knew I had to act quickly, so I punched them in the face in order to shield the eyes of the poor children and prevent further emotional scarring. Though in my haste, I forgot to slip on my gloves. I miscalculated exactly how weak these homosexual folk are. So when I punched them they got a concussion or something, I'm not entirely sure but I didn't really check into that further because of a more pressing matter.

Their weak pansy skin tore faster than their boxer shorts after seeing another man's tallywacker in the restroom, resulting in sick, repugnant, vile AIDS blood splattering all over my hands and arms!! I tried frantically washing it off but it may be too late!

I would normally go to my faith healer about these sorts of issues but I just found out the one I regularly go to was recently arrested by liberal thugs for allegedly "scamming" ! What do I do!? Please pray for me.

Don't expect us to do your funeral. Ick.

[Prayer Warrior]

Re: Help! I may have AIDS!!!

I was extremely distressed after this event. I was sweating, my pulse was racing, it felt like the clock was slowing down. It was almost as if I could feel Jesus himself battling the AIDS virus which He lovingly sent into the world to help lead people into the right direction.

The most important thing I should report is after a good night's rest and all of your kind prayers I am feeling much better.

Oh dear Brother.
Do you have any of the AIDS related symptoms such as a sudden need to go and see Judie Garland Movies?
Have you a sudden need to grow a mustache?
Do you feel that you are becoming an atheist?
Any one of these would be bad news Brother and I shall certainly include you in my Prayers.
God Bless.

I do not have a desire to partake in any of these activities, so I think I am probably safe. However, for now I am going to keep my distance and avoid touching fellow True Christians™ just to be on the safe side.

He was accosted by disgusting queers and did the right thing by knocking their lights out. The only thing I would have done further is to stomp on their jawbones so much that they would not have another tallywhacker in their mouths for years.

I was in such a state of shock that I immediately went to wash the blood off and pray. By the time I returned, the two deviants had already been hauled off. In retrospect I really wish there was more I could have done. I'm just glad I was able to prevent any further children in the airport from going through the same thing I did.

Don't expect us to do your funeral. Ick.

Truly inspiring faith. I can tell that when you wrote this you knew that there would be no need for a funeral.


Though, unfortunately I have some bad news to report as well.

PW, it is a terrible thing that has happened to you. It is a sign of the times that smooching butt-pirates can sexually assault our eyes and the general public and no one in any of the local establishments can say or do anything about it.

But you stepped up and you did something about it--Praise God. You are like Phinehaz who rose up to stop the plague by murdering the adulterous (Numbers 25:1-13). I really hope the secular law doesn't come after you for a so-called "hate crime" when you were clearly exhibiting great love for the Lord in cleaning up the mess a lazy world refused to.

You called it. The two perverted degenerates sexually assault me and all of the children in the airport at the time, I do my duty and act in self defense, taking only the steps absolutely necessary to defend myself, resulting in a tremendous amount of of emotional distress for me, and then these two fiends are trying press charges against me for assault! Have you ever heard of anything so backwards? It isn't enough that they're sexual perverts, now they want to pervert our justice system too?


My supervisor who happens to be a relative (there is no bias involved, he treats me just like any other employee) reassures me that he will not penalize me for this, but I have another problem. I don't know how I can even bring myself to be in the same courtroom with these perverts again. Every time I even think of them I have flash backs to that awful moment where their disgusting AIDS juice was splattered all over me.

If anything, they probably went it KNOWING I would punch them so they could try to infect me with AIDS, but they underestimated the healing power of Jesus. It was a tactical terrorist smooch, but how do I convince someone for who all I know could be an ultra liberal elitist judge of that?

[Deaner]

Re: Help! I may have AIDS!!!

This is truly a sad situation. Remember we are dealing with demons.

Do you know that witches will put their own menstrual blood in a bottle, then take a swig and spit it at you as you walk casually by them on the street??

This is war my Brothers and Sisters; out and out war.