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Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow.

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  #1  
Old 09-12-2013, 05:14 PM
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Default Every young man's battle - PORN & MASTURBATION

Dear friends,

God created the universe, the stars, the earth and every living thing on the planet and He has an important message: DON'T MASTURBATE!!

You know, my boys are getting to that age where Satan starts filling their still developing minds with smut and dirty thoughts. Not only that but they are witness to untold masses of liberal women dressed up like whores (careful you don't get yourself raped girls). As True Christian™ fathers, it is our duty to point out that self rape/lust and otherwise dirty thoughts is a sin. The Bible is clear;

1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.

Galations 5:16 This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.
Galations 5:17 For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.

Genesis 38:9-10 And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother. And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also.

Matthew 5:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

1st Corinthians 6:18-19 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?

Well I found a great movie (that is not creepy at all - except they use a soulless ginger as the main character) to watch with my two sons about the struggles of today's youth with the evils of porn and masturbation. Here is the trailer and like I said, it's not creepy whatsoever.



I would be glad to lend my VHS copy or better yet, sit and watch it with your teenage sons. I am available to help anytime.

God Bless!!
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  #2  
Old 09-20-2013, 04:54 PM
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Default Re: Every young man's battle - PORN & MASTURBATION

Wow, that is a... special video.

I don't want to spoil it for anyone who hasn't watched it yet but - that's a real cliffhanger of an ending! The ginger and the older gentleman seemed to have developed quite a rapport. I was left wondering what was going to happen next... My curiosity is piqued, I fear I won't sleep well unless I take a brisk walk into the town center.
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Old 09-20-2013, 06:07 PM
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Default Re: Every young man's battle - PORN & MASTURBATION

I'd almost feel sorry for every young man who falls into Satan's five-fingered trap if the lads weren't weak-willed Jesus haters.

As we know, masturbation is a worse, much more vile crime than rape, and careful, open-minded study of the Bible shows that the scum who commit masturbation belong in one place - Death Row.
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Old 09-20-2013, 09:09 PM
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Default Re: Every young man's battle - PORN & MASTURBATION

Quote:
Originally Posted by John Creeser View Post

I would be glad to lend my VHS copy or better yet, sit and watch it with your teenage sons. I am available to help anytime.

God Bless!!
This is just so thoughtful and considerate of you. It impressed me so much that when I was talking with my brother, who has been a chronic masturbator since birth, I suggested that he may want to talk with you about his problem.

My brother works down at the penitentiary with sex offenders (ironic, isn't it?) and when I mentioned your last name he said that it sounded so familiar - but that's impossible, isn't it? I mean, Creeser is such an uncommon surname. I laughed and laughed. Where in the world would he have ever come across it? Yeah, that's pretty much just silly. Silly old masturbating brother of mine.

So anyway, do you want me to contact him again and give him your info? If I can catch him when he's not engaged in self pleasure, that is.

Hey, again - I think it's special of you to be willing to assist with helping others conquer such a filthy sin.

Brother Larry
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Old 09-20-2013, 09:36 PM
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Default Re: Every young man's battle - PORN & MASTURBATION

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Larry View Post
This is just so thoughtful and considerate of you. It impressed me so much that when I was talking with my brother, who has been a chronic masturbator since birth, I suggested that he may want to talk with you about his problem.

My brother works down at the penitentiary with sex offenders (ironic, isn't it?) and when I mentioned your last name he said that it sounded so familiar - but that's impossible, isn't it? I mean, Creeser is such an uncommon surname. I laughed and laughed. Where in the world would he have ever come across it? Yeah, that's pretty much just silly. Silly old masturbating brother of mine.

So anyway, do you want me to contact him again and give him your info? If I can catch him when he's not engaged in self pleasure, that is.

Hey, again - I think it's special of you to be willing to assist with helping others conquer such a filthy sin.

Brother Larry
Brother Larry,

Thank you for your kind words, I am honored. I am also glad that you are holding up your hand so we can see that your palms are hairless letting us no you don't self-rape. I'd say you qualify for an ex-masturbator medal.

I would get your brother to join our Godly forums friend. My specialty is intervening children before they start masturbating and spilling seed. This consists of watching the movie and simply telling them if they touch themselves they will spend an eternity in hell being sodomized by demons while they hold their heads down in the lake of fire. For chronic masturbators, you will need a senior Pastor as he will probably have to undergo an exorcism.

Quote:
My brother works down at the penitentiary with sex offenders (ironic, isn't it?) and when I mentioned your last name he said that it sounded so familiar - but that's impossible, isn't it? I mean, Creeser is such an uncommon surname. I laughed and laughed. Where in the world would he have ever come across it? Yeah, that's pretty much just silly.
I wouldn't know anything about that.
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  #6  
Old 10-27-2013, 07:56 PM
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Default Re: Every young man's battle - PORN & MASTURBATION

One question:

Both female and male adolescents like to masturbate. Because this is their most fun activity. So, if god did not want us to masturbate, why has he given us sexual organs? Couldn't he think of a more sanitary method to conceive. And if he didn't want us to have fund doing it, why did he make it so much fun?

I think there is only one logical coclusion why mankind does it a lot (without it, there wouldn't be six billion of us). God wanted us to do it, tso he made stimulating our s e x organs the most fun activity that can be thought of. He gave this to us way before the printing press was invented to spread his word => he clearly prioritizes. And he made it even possiible to have some fun without an actual partner. It is all there, these are his divine gifts, so let's use them the way he inteded us to use them: stimulate them all the time and have a really good time.
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Old 10-27-2013, 09:00 PM
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Default Re: Every young man's battle - PORN & MASTURBATION

Quote:
Originally Posted by krunsch View Post
One question:

Both..... porn removed.......have a really good time.
Friend, the best time you can ever have unlesss you are dead in Heaven is to read the KJV Bible..
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Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Old 10-27-2013, 09:14 PM
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Default Re: Every young man's battle - PORN & MASTURBATION

Quote:
Originally Posted by krunsch View Post
So, if god did not want us to masturbate, why has he given us sexual organs?
I won't go into detail here as this is a family forum, but sex organs has something to do with reproduction. You can ask your father about it for more details when you are bit older.
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Old 10-27-2013, 11:09 PM
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Default Re: Every young man's battle - PORN & MASTURBATION

Quote:
Originally Posted by James Hutchins View Post
Friend, the best time you can ever have unlesss you are dead in Heaven is to read the KJV Bible..
Hmm, just tried. Nope, masturbation is more fun.

Quote:
I won't go into detail here as this is a family forum, but sex organs has something to do with reproduction. You can ask your father about it for more details when you are bit older.
Again, read my post. My FULL post. Not just the first sentence. Then don't answer, but let it sink in and inspire your thoughts. Wait till the hot rage has faded away (which will naturally be there since you are a fundamentalist christian and I am without religion). Then, and only then answer.

We can have fun with our sexual organs WITHOUT making a baby. I can see you never tried that (what a poor and sad life you must have...) but it is actually possible. If god never intended us to do this kind of stuff, why has he given us this option? It seems like a very severe design oversight to me, which shouldn't happen, since god is perfect and unfailable. So if we were intelligently designed to this kind of stuff, we should do it.

As far as the sexual organs go - for other life forms, god has done with different means of procreating. Mitosis, e.g. Doesn't require a partner, no body fluids that, considering your attitude towards sex, seem to disgust you. Surely if our scientists can do it without a sexual partner (sheep Dolly was cloned), an immortal, omniscient, omnipotent being could have found an alternative.

The reason he gave us this stuff, to make it so much fun playing with it and to crave for stuff that is fun is that he wants us to play with it.
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Old 10-27-2013, 11:29 PM
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Default Re: Every young man's battle - PORN & MASTURBATION

If Odysseus can best a cyclops so then can you
although the road is rough there are things that you can do
Picture sleep inducing baseball, and here's another tip
Wear oven mittens or boxing gloves and you can't get a grip
Keep your idle time short--mind and hands occupied
I'm happy to report--it's worked 2 out of 10 times I've tried.

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Old 10-27-2013, 11:35 PM
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Default Re: Every young man's battle - PORN & MASTURBATION

Quote:
Originally Posted by krunsch View Post
Wait till the hot rage has faded away (which will naturally be there since you are a fundamentalist christian and I am without religion).
The what? Are you seriously that desperate, that you start to come up with these fantasies? Is some sort of defense against poor self-esteem?

Maybe it's just a normal way for you to communicate to get that hot rage from communicating, but for us normal people it's not a part of conversation.

I pray that your delusions will ease up
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Old 10-27-2013, 11:56 PM
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Default Re: Every young man's battle - PORN & MASTURBATION

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alphonse Alban View Post
The what? Are you seriously that desperate, that you start to come up with these fantasies? Is some sort of defense against poor self-esteem?

Maybe it's just a normal way for you to communicate to get that hot rage from communicating, but for us normal people it's not a part of conversation.

I pray that your delusions will ease up
You don't focus on my main point which surely is no normal communication.

And these forums are filled with hot rage towards women, liberals, democrats, communists, Obama, muslims, hindus, catholics, atheists, agnostics, non US Americans (so roughly 5.7 billion people), homosexuals ...
That makes up for at least 98% of the population on this planet. Statistically speaking, YOU here are not normal. You are the aberration.
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Old 10-28-2013, 12:23 AM
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Default Re: Every young man's battle - PORN & MASTURBATION

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alphonse Alban View Post
The what? Are you seriously that desperate, that you start to come up with these fantasies? Is some sort of defense against poor self-esteem?

Maybe it's just a normal way for you to communicate to get that hot rage from communicating, but for us normal people it's not a part of conversation.

I pray that your delusions will ease up
Very wise post, Brother Alphonse. Our crunchy friend seems to be accelerating on his unavoidable slide to eternal damnation.

Krunsch, I want you to know that I'll keep praying for you anyway.
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  #14  
Old 10-28-2013, 01:45 AM
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Billy Bob Jenkins Billy Bob Jenkins is offline
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Default Re: Every young man's battle - PORN & MASTURBATION

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Originally Posted by krunsch View Post
You don't focus on my main point which surely is no normal communication.

And these forums are filled with hot rage towards women, liberals, democrats, communists, Obama, muslims, hindus, catholics, atheists, agnostics, non US Americans (so roughly 5.7 billion people), homosexuals ...
That makes up for at least 98% of the population on this planet. Statistically speaking, YOU here are not normal. You are the aberration.
There is more to being normal than following a herd of sodomites on their way to eternal damnation. You are confusing normality with commonness.

God lays out what is right and what is wrong in His word. He also foresaw that the world would reject salvation and forgiveness in favor of service to the Dark Lord. While you are busy trying to be cool with billions of unsaved miscreants, we will be rejoicing all the way to Heaven.
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  #15  
Old 10-28-2013, 10:38 PM
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Alphonse Alban Alphonse Alban is offline
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Default Re: Every young man's battle - PORN & MASTURBATION

Quote:
Originally Posted by krunsch View Post
And these forums are filled with hot rage towards women, liberals, democrats, communists, Obama, muslims, hindus, catholics, atheists, agnostics, non US Americans (so roughly 5.7 billion people), homosexuals ...
You are imagining things again. Then again, as we noticed your perception of "hot rage" means someone replying to you. Are you one of those cursed with assburgers, since your social skills are so poor?

Quote:
Originally Posted by krunsch View Post
That makes up for at least 98% of the population on this planet. Statistically speaking, YOU here are not normal. You are the aberration.
You are once again confused. Those are two different things. Yes, number of people saved (Christians) is smaller at the moment (before everyone is converted to Christianity) than people send in hell. That does not mean Christians are for now abnormal. 100% of population in a prison for pedophiles are pedophiles. By your logic this would make pedophiles in that prison normal.

Of course I understand that as a foreigner, you have huge disadvantage in life since you were not born American. This limits your understanding of these things greatly. Still, it does not mean that you are beyond hope.

You see, I really understand your problem. I was unfortunate enough to be born in a godless country full of eskimos. After I found Jesus (the REAL Jesus, not that false-Jesus worshiped by that satanic Luther cult) a miracle happened. I was healed! Through sweet blood of Jesus taint of eskimo was finally lifted from me and I was born again as an American! Well, there are still fer minor legal issues with secular law, but I am allowed to tithe our Church as a normal person by our pastors, so in the eyes of our LORD I am one of His chosen people.

Once those few legal issues with secular law is taken care of, I can finally fulfill my second greatest dream. Vote for Republican party! My greatest dream of course it that Jesus sees fit to call me to home to Him as soon as possible.

Glory!
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  #16  
Old 11-28-2013, 06:22 PM
The Flowerpot The Flowerpot is offline
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Default Re: Every young man's battle - PORN & MASTURBATION

It fills me with sorrow that my elder brother masturbates. I've made it a point to witness the act whenever possible, and pray for him while crying... but I feel it's all for naught. As long as he has no woman to relieve his urges, I know he will continue.
I weep for him, and the seed he spills in vain, for I cannot save him.
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  #17  
Old 11-28-2013, 09:47 PM
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Default Re: Every young man's battle - PORN & MASTURBATION

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Originally Posted by The Flowerpot View Post
It fills me with sorrow that my elder brother masturbates. I've made it a point to witness the act whenever possible, and pray for him while crying... but I feel it's all for naught. As long as he has no woman to relieve his urges, I know he will continue.
I weep for him, and the seed he spills in vain, for I cannot save him.
Your brother is cold hearted murderer. You do whatever it takes to keep him from releasing millions of screaming lives to their deaths. May I suggest a keeping a bucket of ice water at the ready, and when you suspect he is self-raping, douse him.

Every day is 9/11 for the unborn
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  #18  
Old 11-29-2013, 09:25 AM
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Witch Hammer Witch Hammer is offline
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Default Re: Every young man's battle - PORN & MASTURBATION

Quote:
Originally Posted by John Creeser View Post
Your brother is cold hearted murderer. You do whatever it takes to keep him from releasing millions of screaming lives to their deaths. May I suggest a keeping a bucket of ice water at the ready, and when you suspect he is self-raping, douse him.

Every day is 9/11 for the unborn
Amen, Brother. And if she is unable to douse him in time to prevent mass spermicide, she should immediately descend upon the spent load with a sweat sock or other such rag, sop it up and submerge it in water immediately to perferm an emergency baptism before the poor little souls stop wiggling. There is a slim chance she may be able to save millions of unborn from raging eternal hellfire...
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Old 11-29-2013, 11:45 AM
ChristianCaucasian ChristianCaucasian is offline
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Default Re: Every young man's battle - PORN & MASTURBATION

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Originally Posted by Witch Hammer View Post
Amen, Brother. And if she is unable to douse him in time to prevent mass spermicide, she should immediately descend upon the spent load with a sweat sock or other such rag, sop it up and submerge it in water immediately to perferm an emergency baptism before the poor little souls stop wiggling. There is a slim chance she may be able to save millions of unborn from raging eternal hellfire...
I haven't heard of Baptism for such young babies, but a fuller explanation would come in handy in case I slip as I am currently single.
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  #20  
Old 12-01-2013, 07:42 PM
ConfusedWithRespect ConfusedWithRespect is offline
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Default Re: Every young man's battle - PORN & MASTURBATION

I agree with you. If god didn't want us to masturbate, why would he have created it. Everyone other fourm member here is actually pretty racist. Sure, nazis are in my opinion, the WORST people in history, but they have no right and high disres
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