Bring Children to My Asp-Hole!

[Born Again Bob]

Dear Friends,

I would like to recreate that beautiful vision from Isaiah 11:8 -- "And the sucking child shall play on the hole of the asp, and the weaned child shall put his hand on the cockatrice' den."

I don't have a cockatrice anymore, but I do have a nice, big asp-hole that I would be glad to let any of your suckling children play on!

Let's make His vision a reality.

Yours in Him,
bab

[Dr. Zaius]

Re: Bring Children to My Asp-Hole!

Hello brother Bob,

It's a good thing that you have given up on your cockatrice, as they sound dangerous:

cockatrice-a fabulous serpent supposed to be hatched from the egg of a cock. The Hebrew means a kind of adder, more venomous than the asp

How many asps do you suppose you have?

Asp is the modern Anglicization of the word Aspis, which in Antiquity referred to any one of several venomous snake species found in the Nile region. It is believed that the Aspis referred to in Egyptian mythology is the modern Egyptian cobra.

Throughout dynastic and Roman Egypt, the Asp was a symbol of royalty. Moreover, in both Egypt and Greece, its potent venom made it useful as a means of execution for criminals who were thought deserving of a more dignified death than that of typical executions.

According to Plutarch (quoted by Ussher), Cleopatra tested various deadly poisons on condemned persons and animals for daily entertainment and concluded that the bite of the Asp was the least terrible way to die; the venom brought sleepiness and heaviness without spasms of pain. The Asp is perhaps most famous for its role in Cleopatra's suicide (some believe it to have been a horned viper, Cerastes cerastes), as immortalized by both history and legend:

With thy sharp teeth this knot intrinsicate
Of life at once untie: poor venomous fool
Be angry, and dispatch.
—Cleopatra, Act V, scene II, Antony and Cleopatra by William Shakespeare

Envenomation is usually followed by swelling, hemorrhage, necrosis, nausea, vomiting and hematuria. A high phospholipase A2 content may cause cardiotoxicity and myotoxicity. Studies of venom from both C. cerastes and C. vipera list a total of eight venom fractions, the most powerful of which has hemorrhagic activity. Venom yields vary, with anywhere from 19–27 mg to 100 mg of dried venom being reported. An estimated lethal dose for humans is 40–50 mg.

I'm sure that when you show children these serpents that they are scared witless!! Name a better way to get a child to listen to his elders.

[Born Again Bob]

Re: Bring Children to My Asp-Hole!

How many asps do you suppose you have?

Dear Friend,

At least 100. It's hard to tell because they knot up. My asp-hole is large enough to fit a full-grown man, even though I do think kids would have fun playing on it.

Yours in Him,
bab

[Talitha]

Re: Bring Children to My Asp-Hole!

This is a really exciting concept Brother BAB.
I've just been reading through my book "Asp Holes of the Rich and famous" and it seems that Asp holes are more popular than I'd realized!

By some strange coincidence The ASP (Arstronomical Society of the Pacific) has been studying this very thing!

Now, I'm no believer in the Religion of science but looking at these "Black Holes" makes me wonder if God has something planned.

Can it be that these Black holes are really Asp holes?
What happens if you get too close? Do you end up getting sucked up into your own Asp hole?

Concerned
Sister Talitha

[Rev. Carlton Green]

Re: Bring Children to My Asp-Hole!

That's pretty big thinking for a female, Sister Talitha. I don't wish for you to wear out your lady brain. Perhaps some of us True Christian gentlemen can bring it up at our next Bible meeting.


I always assumed that black holes were creations of the devil to suck meddling, unsaved astrofags into a one-way street to hell.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Bring Children to My Asp-Hole!

Astronomers are homers, they are always going around probing black holes and looking for dark matter. Just sick.

Sister Talitha, Born Again Bobs' Asp-Hole is nothing like a black hole those perverted ScINtists are going on about. His Asp-Hole is a godly place and good for the full family.