[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: Advertising Mascots That I Find Offensive

The Kool-Aid Man



He doesn't wear a stitch of clothing; he likes to hang around children; and he screams "Oh, Yeaahh!" with unbridled lust. This mascot leaves youngsters with red-stained mouths from his fruity drink and red-stained underpants from rectal bleeding. Furthermore, he willfully destroys property like a Mexican or a Negro.

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: Chicken of the Sea Mermaid and Other Mascots That Offend Me

Elsie the Cow



Elsie is attractive, and not just for a bovine. She's attractive period. She has come hither eyes and a mouth that aches to be kissed. Bestiality has no place in the dairy department. It should at the very least be in the pet food aisle. Borden, you should be ashamed of yourself for giving me such thoughts. Take a cue from Carnation. This is what a cow looks like:

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: Chicken of the Sea Mermaid and Other Mascots That Offend Me

Captain Cupcake, Twinkie the Kid, Happy Ho Ho, and Fruit Pie the Magician



Captain Cupcake, Twinkie the Kid, Happy Ho Ho, and Fruit Pie the Magician sound like the names of performers at a gay strip club. And these mascots are dressed for the part. Observe Twinkie's heart-bedecked neckerchief and Fruit Pie's dainty cape. Happy Ho Ho is perhaps the worst of the bunch. The feather on his head makes him look like a Las Vegas showgirl, and he appears to be spanking himself. I don't want to delve into their suggestive shapes, but I will say that it is impossible to look at Happy Ho Ho and not think of a Negro's pecker. These guys collectively share number two on my list of most offensive advertising mascots, and that's up against some pretty stiff competition.

[SUV]

Re: Chicken of the Sea Mermaid and Other Mascots That Offend Me

Happy Ho Ho

I'm wondering if this is the Ho that Horton heard? And what gives it the Stones to act so Damn happy anyway?!

Because no matter how many boxes of the things one Eats, they are still vile and disgusting!!!

[Nobar King]

Re: Chicken of the Sea Mermaid and Other Mascots That Offend Me

Ms. Butterworth's:

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: Chicken of the Sea Mermaid and Other Mascots That Offend Me

Ms. Butterworth's:

Brother, you need to explain why Mrs. Butterworth is offensive. Sometimes an explanation isn't necessary, like in the case of Miss Chiquita Banana.



It's obvious to all that "she" is a cross-dressing tallywacker. Mrs. Butterworth's offensiveness isn't as clear-cut.

[Deaner]

Re: Chicken of the Sea Mermaid and Other Mascots That Offend Me

Hey what about this guy? It's a skipping queer delivering flowers. If he ever came on my property I'd let the dogs go.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Chicken of the Sea Mermaid and Other Mascots That Offend Me

"Everything Pops with Pringles"

Need I say more

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: Chicken of the Sea Mermaid and Other Mascots That Offend Me

Because no matter how many boxes of the things one Eats, they are still vile and disgusting!!!

So stop eating them.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Chicken of the Sea Mermaid and Other Mascots That Offend Me

Oscar Meyer Weiner

He is just waiting for you to "Ask him about his Weiner"

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Chicken of the Sea Mermaid and Other Mascots That Offend Me

Brother, you need to explain why Mrs. Butterworth is offensive.

..........

I can understand Brother Nobar's silence in this regard, Brother Hatchet. "Butter-Worth" comes from an unconventional use of butter that the character played by Marlon Brando in the movie "Last Tango in Paris" utilized. Needless to say, it defiles the wholesomeness of the product and promotes sodomy. I might add that the movie is definitely not a "Musical".

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Chicken of the Sea Mermaid and Other Mascots That Offend Me

Brewers Add Chorizo to Sausage Race
Milwaukee Brewers add chorizo, also known as 'El Picanre' and 'Cinco,' to popular sausage race

Great. Let me guess: this chorizo is running so fast because he wants to get away from "la migra"? A great role model for our kids, I don't think.

[Remy Lebeau]

Re: Advertising Mascots That I Find Offensive

The Scrubbing Bubbles Scrub Brush



This mascot "works hard so you don't have to." Well, guess what? I don't have to. My wife does. Strenuous chores keep housewives out of mischief, so cut the women's liberation crap, Scrubbing Bubbles Scrub Brush. Now I have to dirty more skivvies so she can make use of that extra hour of free time.

Also, I don't care for how this little deviant lurks in the shower.

That devious little smirk and those evilly arched brows... is that a fat pale gothtard's engorged man-sodomizing clitoris!?!?!? Oozing with satanic feminine spunk!!! It's bad enough I can't keep my wife from orgasming during the seeding process, but now this disgusting bath tub cleaning witch cooter wants to make my wife into a squirter as well!?!?! NO!!! NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!!! I SAID NO!!!!

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: Chicken of the Sea Mermaid and Other Mascots That Offend Me

The Jolly Green Giant



He wears a girlish toga made of leaves. What's worse, it barely covers his "vegetables." I don't want to boast, but if I were to wear something similarly skimpy, you would be able to see Hatchet Jr. and his two playmates. It would appear that this mascot isn't so giant after all.


Mr. Owl



Tootsie Pops are nothing more than candy tallywackers, and this owl gobbles them up like a Thai whore. In a commercial that first aired in the 1970s and is still being broadcast to this day, a little boy asks, "Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?" Mr. Owl proceeds to lick the candy obscenely, and then swallow it whole. For the duration of this sickening ad, the little boy is naked. Clearly the powers-that-be at Tootsie Roll Industries are pedophiles who worship Satan. Get that kid in an OshKosh B'Gosh commercial asap.

[Nobar King]

Re: Chicken of the Sea Mermaid and Other Mascots That Offend Me

Brother Hatchet, I'm having a tough time with the new fast-food burger mascot promotions. Jack-in-the-box was wise to ditch the Jack, but in a moment of weakness they brought it back. Now the Jack is in charge of the company, and he's putting out perverted advertisements.

Here's the Jack:


And here is the advertisement in question. It is sexually suggestive and void of morality, so if you are a woman, don't watch:

Not to be upstaged, Burger King has put some 'kink' in the 'King'. Look at how he is gazing at this fair maiden, still in her bathrobe, and see how she is staring at his package. They're about to engage in a tryst, and they're not making burgers.



An advertising campaign shows the 'King' in bed with a teen aged boy. So not only is he bi, he's in NAMBLA, too.

"Wake up with the king." isn't referring to breakfast muffins!!